Problems in your lives that you work together to solve such as: jealousy, sadness, despair, anguish and quarrels— are all the food of love. Do not be afraid of exposing your difficult side for the fear of losing him; he will only abandon those who bore him with with too much monotony. What you have suffered in your past enables you to appreciate more intensely your present happiness. Previous suffering can make him truly appreciate the joy you bestow upon him. Fear of death can make him fall in love with life; a long journey makes returning home much more pleasurable. Pain and anxiety are the origins of pleasure; without the hard times it is almost impossible to appreciate the good times. Therefore, at certain stages of the relationship, do something unexpected. Feed his emotions by creating enough highs and lows in order to meet his needs. The extent of your attentiveness will keep the flame burning.
If he becomes too accustomed to being pursued, he will not give as much of his own energy and the tension will fade. Once you feel he is under your spell, turn the tables, take a step back and let him come after you. Do not be afraid to express feelings of fear and anxiety. Become cold, aloof and less available to him, hinting that you are growing bored. Make him feel as if he has lost you forever, or worry that he has put you off. In order to keep him interested, you must not let him take you for granted. Sometimes showing the slight interest in someone else can create in him the feelings of outrage. However, do not worry about making him angry. His anger is a sign that you have power over him. Let him worship the ground you walk on and become a slave to your desires. Let him suspect he may be losing you to another, but ensure it is all just in his head, nothing more, and you will win him back with stronger passion and excitement. Let these feelings stay with him for a while, lead him as close to the edge as possible, then pull him back with your charms. There is no thrill without fear, the fear of losing you. The more he feels threatened that you may drop him, the tighter his grasp on you will be. Being rejected produces not only feelings of sadness but also anger, and it creates a need to regain that love. Use absence to create pain and conflict. Sadness, when subtle, tells you that something significant is happening or has already happened. On the flip side, do know that there are some men with such little tolerance for emotions of sadness that they do not acknowledge them.
Display a range of emotions before his eyes: be irrational, muster up moments of melancholy, surprise and drama; all of which prevent your relationship from stagnating. The ride on which you take him can be a little distressing but should never be dull. Again, strengthen his desire by subtly hinting about the pleasures that await him; mirror his values, indulge him in what he wants in order to charm and please him. Without realizing how it has happened, his thoughts will increasingly begin to revolve around you. You must discover how to fill his mind with thoughts of you. Letters, mementos and shared experiences will keep you constantly on his mind, even in your absence.
Now, as you shift to the physical side of things, it is necessary to see him more often. You must be more generous with the amount of attention you give him. At the same time leave him continuously unsatisfied by giving him an ideal to live up to, someone to whom no one else can compare; and let him want to be your ideal. Show him that you have experienced life differently and live differently. Let him dream of how life would be different by your side, by encouraging him to look forward to a new adventure or experience that makes him feel that he can never be without you.
Be careful not to lower his self-esteem too much, as he may become too insecure to believe he could ever be with you, making him distant and defensive. Everything you do should lead to pleasure, as pain by itself will drive him away. If the relationship has already ended, he may not be interested in starting all over again, or it could be that the timing is wrong. It is easier to make him fall in love with you all over again if the relationship was short-lived. That way, there is more opportunity to get to know you better and he therefore has clean memories of you. It will also be easier to work on him if he is less suspicious by nature, if he is dissatisfied with his present circumstances and is uninhibited and hungry for pleasure. Try to capture his soul, to build the foundation of a deep and lasting love. Revive the old memories, the symbols and the expressions that stir positivity in his psyche. He will forget the ugliness of the separation and will remember only the good times spent with you. Let some time pass, in order to restore his lustre and make your faults pale into insignificance. It is refreshing to be able to relive the past and one’s old experiences and emotions. Never see a separation as the end. With a little drama and planning, you can get him in no time.
Moving Through Uncertainty
Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces._–Sigmund Freud
In the first stages of the relationship, you may both be uncertain about becoming exclusive. Many couples think that if they are uncertain, it means that they are not right for each other. This sabotages the potential for a great relationship before it even gets off the ground. Once love begins, it takes on a life of its own; fear and doubt take over and one of you may become afraid and get cold feet. Questions such as, ‘Can I trust this person with my heart?’ or ‘Am I ready for love?’ or ‘Will I lose my independence?’ can cloud your judgement. This can make either of you sabotage a good thing by withdrawing and eliminating what is essential for love: recognition, attention, energy and true commitment. Usually, some amount of attention is required to keep the relationship at a comfortable and controllable level. Some may pull out completely, refusing to invest any time, care or energy in to the relationship. This causes the flame to burn out, killing the relationship all together. It is natural to act on blind fear and to begin to observe how everything plays a part in ruining your life by keeping intimacy at bay. Having second thoughts, retractions, blowing hot and cold, are all your ego’s way of re-stabilising once the illusion of separation has been threatened by love’s burning desire. This stage is full of doubts and insecurities.
It is possible to move through uncertainty without jeopardising the possibility of becoming exclusive. Move through the uncertain stage by welcoming his advances without feeling obligated. It is vital to have a healthy attitude, high self-esteem, and to be flattered by the attention he lavishes on to you. The initial excitement of attraction will eventually wear off; so this is a perfect time for both of you to become more deeply interested in each other.
Having doubts is natural. As a relationship gets off the ground, tread lightly and you will set yourself up for greater things to come. Most men cannot decide which they want more, intimacy or independence. If the closeness is fulfilling, he will begin to go through an inner shift. This puts pressure on him to decide whether or not he wants to focus on specifically being with you, and then the panic sets in. To most men, commitment means giving up something they love; whether it be friends, football or other women. Realising that he may be falling for you could cause him to feel imbalanced, creating an urge to distance himself. This need for space is most probably a temporary situation to regain his independence and sense-of-self. Sometimes he needs this time to be alone, only responsible for himself, to be able to re-establish his personal boundaries. To a certain extent, he loses himself through connecting with you. Again, when he feels the need for love, he returns a changed man with an increased desire for you, wanting to pick the relationship up where you left it off. If you respect his space, he will care for you more and consequently feel more in tune with you, or even feel that he cannot live without you. This happens even to emotionally healthy men who want to be sure their identities are intact once they enter the relationship.
If you can understand his behaviour without reacting in a way that confirms his fears, he will begin to come around. Many women tend to misunderstand this need for space and begin to panic, sabotaging the relationship in many ways. Do not view this aloofness as a result of something you may have done wrong that has caused his anger or frustration. Respect his privacy and create a physical space where he can regain his independence and decide on a plan of action. Do not worry that he has lost interest, which may drive you to chase him or give more of yourself emotionally or physically. This only increases his need to escape. This is the exact