From Me To We. Toni-Marie Taherian

fall, separate him from his closed mind and closed world and fill his head with thoughts of you. That is why an air of sadness becomes quite intriguing as it points to a need that could be filled. Unless you identify the emotions beneath his facade, you miss the chance to truly win his affections. It is wrong to think that he has the same needs as you. If you crave comfort and security, giving him those things on the assumption that he wants the same can come across as smothering and can push him away. It is more effective if you move from one emotion to the next rather than to keep hitting on the same note.

      The man in your life may have one or few of the traits outlined in the rest of this chapter; to make him fall in love, identify his type, and fill the emptiness in his soul. Note how each of these weaknesses require a completely different approach. Be careful how you deal with him, test and see what works and what does not. Love entails strong emotions. Work on those with which he responds to most positively. It is best not to go for someone who is just like you, as you may have difficulties to fill in the gaps, having no way to complete each other.

      The Dreamer

      Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman

      The Dreamer has a vivid imagination, which he may have developed through reading books, watching films, music videos, and so on. He has spent years dreaming of romance, danger and excitement. The bridge between fantasy and reality is a large one and, he is quite disappointed by reality and especially relationships. He strives to realise a vision and create a culture by expressing a marvel of enduring values. At times, he can become somewhat manipulative. Beneath the surface he feels he is missing out on something. He hungers for romance, passion and drama. Be aware of him by the books he reads and the films he watches. See his eyes light up as he listens to real-life adventures that others live out. Study his clothes and home furnishings, which may evoke a taste for something more exciting such as romance or drama.

      During his conversations with you, you may pick up on a disappointment and the inner tension he may be feeling. This type of man has suppressed a lot of passion and energy, which you can release by making yourself the focus of his attention. Given his great imagination, he responds to anything vaguely mysterious or romantic that you offer him. Play on your intriguing qualities and this will give him a part of his own dream. This could be your chance to live out his adventures or to be courted by a kind soul. If you give him a part of what he wants, he will imagine what the rest is like. Whatever you do, do not let reality break the illusion you create. A little harshness and he will be gone having been, bitterly disappointed.

      The Whiner

      We are as happy as we make up our minds to be. –Abraham Lincoln

      The Whiner thrives on constant drama and pain in order to keep boredom at bay. Offering him security and stability will make him run away. He likes to play the victim and always finds something to complain about; he subsists on pain and enjoys how it feels.

      To be in touch with his soul, you must provide him with enough pain to keep him coming back for more. If you are too nice, he will find some reason to kick you to the curb. In order to recognise him, look for signs that he wants you to feel sorry for him. Listen to his tales of the number of women who have hurt him in the past, his tragedies and misfortune he has endured. One extreme could be a selfishness which is off-putting, but in most cases he is relatively harmless and easy to intrigue, if you can tolerate the negativity. If you want a long-term relationship with a whiner, you will constantly need to infuse drama into it. For some, this can be an exciting challenge and a source for constantly renewing the relationship. Generally, however, you should see an involvement with a man like this as something which is short-lived or as a temporary solution when you have a hunger for drama. If you have a lot of patience, maybe you can bear him for longer.