People love for different reasons and have varying capabilities with regards to love. Romantic relationships differ in terms of which pleasurable emotions occur most often. Some couples enjoy working together or find particular satisfaction in each other’s achievements. Others focus more on the excitement or contentment obtained through love. Love is the intangible feeling for longing for something—it is an addiction. This causes some to become dependent, trying to ‘trap’ the other emotionally. In other words, all boundaries blur and people lose themselves in their loved one, no longer seeing a clear picture of themselves or the other person.
We want to be able to maintain a clear sense of self, see the significant other accurately, maintain mutual respect, understanding and patience, and allow room for growth.
Is He in Search of Miss Perfect?
No one is perfect until you fall in love with them. –Teresa Conroy
Who is that woman sitting over there? She draws him in with her sweetly-scented perfume, having mastered the hair flip and exposing the nape of her neck, standing with her back tantalizingly close. She periodically refreshes her well-applied eye makeup to enhance her batting eyelashes in order to mesmerise him. Yes, if you are in any doubt, I am talking about the blessed one with the stunning good looks, the body to die for, a refreshing sense of humour, a lavish sense of style, all the wealth one would hope to acquire, intelligence that leaves a man dizzy, and charm that is undeniable and highly irresistible. Of course anyone who is lucky (or unlucky) enough to set eyes on her either wishes to walk in her shoes or is dazzled and obsessed by her mere existence, imagining what it would be like to be in her presence. While she takes a sip from her Meloncello cocktail, she gives him a knowing glance, that she is able to extract every drop of his soul. He tries to resist her as she smile at him, though his thoughts and yearnings drift helplessly into a different continuum altogether.
So many women want to have it all, to possess the ultimate power to capture hearts and souls. Men tend to be drawn to women who are easy to talk to. They are attracted to warm, sweet, intelligent, energetic and self-confident women who are considerate, understanding, funny and honest. But is absolute perfection attractive? Men are less attracted to women they see as perfect than to those they see as almost perfect, those who make small mistakes. A beautiful face is delightful to look at, but perfection can be slightly intimidating. A mole can be a sign of beauty because it makes someone seem more human and lovable. When a person with a lot of merit shows a weakness, this person becomes more likeable. Therefore, embrace your imperfections to elicit tender feelings.
Love does not arise from perfection. It is important to have the ability to come close to that image, but he often falls in love with those who fall just slightly short of the ideal of perfection. In his idealistic teenage years, he searched for his utmost ideal type. These ideals are a mixture of things he felt missing in his life, what others did not give him, and what he could not give himself. Many of his emotions can be responses to events in these earlier stages of life, even when they are no longer relevant.
There is no need for you to be perfect so that he will fall in love with you; it is almost impossible to be his complete ideal. However, showcasing some of the traits of his ideal match can make him go crazy for you.
Fascination with the First Love
The future for me is already a thing of the past. You were my first love and you will be my last. –Bob Dylan
Every person has a unique love map. Freudians maintain that we fall in love with a person who attains the same qualities of the first love of our life, specifically our opposite-sex parent. Others believe we are drawn to those who have similar traits to the parent with which we have unfinished business from childhood, in an attempt to finally resolve our issues. We also collect what we like and dislike from people we met previously in childhood, our parents, friends, teachers, caregivers, or the heroes in movies or books that moved us. Love can be created through one or the combination of all of the above criteria. To capture his heart, discover what he has always wanted but never gotten, and you have the right ingredients to make him fall deeply in love with you. Whether these things are dreams, disappointments, emptiness or painful memories, if you manage to finish the unfinished business, you will hold the key to his heart.
Get him to act out his old issues without talking about memories. He may long for an ideal dream woman upon whom he projects his ideals, or he may yearn to meet a person who brings out his own ideal image from within. It is likely that he has compromised or fallen below his ideals to a degree, and therefore feels disappointed. Consequently, by helping him feel that he is living his ideal around you, he becomes the man he always wanted to be and you become his addiction.
Reliving a past pleasure is almost impossible to resist. His first love generally possessed the ideal qualities he yearned for, or perhaps he felt able to play a role he liked in relation to her. To discover this, talk to him about his former lovers, with particular attention to his first love. Allow him to relive these times of his life, encouraging him to unfold the relationships aspects slowly to reveal his ideal qualities. Pay attention to any expressions of disappointment or ways in which he did not get what he wanted. During conversation, secrets will slip out, revealing all kinds of valuable information about his weaknesses, his dreams, and how his brain works. Gather this information about his childhood, storing it for future use and creating a trusting bond. You can also lead him to places evoking the feelings he associated with his first love.
The first love can be a powerful attachment to a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or any early infatuation. This is someone who still affects his life. By knowing which traits of this person affected him, you can fill that void and take over that role. Maybe he has an immense gap in his childhood from a neglectful mother. Replace the original neglect with the attention and affection that his parent did not supply. Be attentive but quiet while he talks, making occasional, nonjudgmental comments. Be caring yet distant, even somewhat nonchalant, leaving room for him to transfer those emotions and project those fantasies onto you.
Unconditional Love
A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right person at the right time and at the right place, and when we expect nothing in return. –Bhagavad Gita
Many attribute love to a feeling of strong lust or desire; they dress and label this feeling with something in which they want to believe in. They think, ‘I was unconditionally his for that fleeting moment. Sadly, it passed.’ The ideal practice is to love unconditionally. Love in this true sense is much easier said than done, almost an intangible task. Unconditional love is a myth; it does not exist in reality, unless perhaps in parental love. Unconditional means there are no conditions to loving that person, and it does not matter how you phrase it or modify it to a situation. No condition means the other is free to act and behave as he pleases, and you simply accept it. When you walk away because you do not like something, or do not accept it, it is with condition. Love in romance has conditions. Marriage is not unconditional; you take vows and set rules.
It is possible to give unconditional love, but you must go about it subtly. Some lucky children were raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love, while others less fortunate found there were strings attached to love. People spend the rest of their lives desperately searching for that someone who will help them recapture the childhood dream of unconditional love. They hope that someday, somewhere, someone will come along, realise how special they are and love them for being themselves—not for looks, not for money, but for the essence of their true self. Make him feel that you are that person and you will be rewarded with his love.
True love is shown in action rather than words. The majority of men love those who love them. To gain power over him, provide him with the very thing he either wants or had and now misses: unconditional love from a mother figure. Selflessness is an alluring quality, yet the hardest thing to do is to love someone truly without wanting