By studying him, learn to see the real man behind his appearances and find out what type of feelings he is after. It is easy to find the way to his heart by listening to his problems and relating to him. Understand his need for completeness, whether real or far-fetched. Find the source of the empty hole in his soul. Always be on the look-out for repression, a secret desire that makes him squirm uncomfortably if you touch on it but is also tempting to him. Search his past for that trigger that may hold the key to his subconscious. If you provide him with the reality or illusion that he does not have in his life, you gain complete power over him. He may be looking for the unconditional love and empathy he used to get from his mother. Encourage him to share his childhood insecurity with you; by opening him up to express his fears, what he is lacking in his life, you hold the key to tempting him. His weakness may be fuelled by greed, vanity, boredom, or some deeply repressed desire or hunger for a forbidden fruit. Increase your ability to understand how he is responding to you. This observation can also help you respond to his emotions in an appropriate way. Controlling and understanding his emotional behaviour is not easy; it depends on the person, their emotions and their varying intensity. Explore the reactions unique to him and his common triggers by dating and observing him. Strengthen your ability to work around his emotions.
Increase your ability to detect how he is feeling through his actions and words. Even if he makes a concentrated effort to control his expressions, some traces of his emotions might leak out. Emotional signals emerge instantly when an emotion begins. As the emotions come to an end, the signs are removed and are replaced with the reactions of the next emotion. For example, sadness makes you more softly spoken, or pulls up the inner corners of the eyebrows. Discuss his past in order to uncover images and ideals that have been neglected or repressed. To become the object of his affection, you need to first dig up valuable information about him. But how? Get him to talk about his history and previous relationships, and put together the missing pieces of the jigsaw. Do not ask him about the status of your relationship until you have reached some degree of intimacy, yet it is never too soon to figure out what he wants from the relationship with you. When he speaks, read between the lines of what he is saying, whether it be to do with previous lovers, parents, friends, or other relationships. Listen carefully to what he says about his childhood, his past relationships, his likes and his dislikes. Make your questions non-threatening. Attend to his assumptions about how an ideal relationship should work. How much closeness and distance he requires? How much self-reliance, dependence, giving and sacrifice he expects in a relationship? Discover the qualities he admired in previous lovers and why the relationship did not work out. What was so special about his ex? His past romances will have many clues about who he is. Nothing is stronger than the desire to change the past, right or wrong, and to satisfy a disappointment. When the topic is forgotten, start hinting at what a hotshot you are in those areas.
Understand his desires and use them to create a stimulating dream. It is hard for him to see through an illusion in which he desperately would like to believe. This could be a yearning for a mother or father figure, or maybe the dark side of his personality. Perhaps you can present yourself in such a way as to awaken many taboos. A man who enjoys being in control will sometimes like to be challenged by an intelligent and strong woman. Perhaps he thinks it would be fun to outwit someone like that and try proving that he is tougher or more intelligent. If he is into debates or intellectual gamesmanship; qualities like playfulness, stimulation and mutual respect might provoke him. Those who take risks in life may like the rush of losing. Keep the connection vague; make yourself seem elusive, let him create you in his own mind.
Everyone has their own vision of a idealistic place where people are kind and noble, where dreams and wishes are fulfilled. This ideal is full of adventure and romance. Take him on a journey, give him a glimpse of what it is to come and he will follow. All you need to provide him with is symbols such as clothing, body language or your speech, which recreate the reality behind his fantasies. Watch his reactions carefully and act and speak accordingly. His mind is infinitely vulnerable to suggestions, and even more so when strong desires set in. Remember to make him fall in love with you; and do not forget to love him the way he wants to be loved.
Where Is Mr. Right Hiding?
I got to thinking about fate. That crazy concept that we’re not really responsible for the course our lives take. That it’s all predestined, written in the stars. Maybe that explains why, if you live in a city where you can’t even see the stars, your love life tends to feel a little more random. And even if our every man, every kiss, every heartache is pre-ordered from some cosmic catalogue, can we still take a wrong step and wander off our own personal Milky Way? I couldn’t help but wonder, can you make a mistake and miss your fate? –Sex and The City
Most of us would miss Mr. Right if he just fell into our laps. In order to find the man of your dreams, you need to know approximately what it is that you are after and where you can look for it. When you do not know what you are looking for, you do not gather the right information about the person. When we do not truly know what it is we want from love, we may pass Mr. Right by without looking deeply into his personality.
It is important to list a few musts; you may not have figured it all out, but there is always a quality in a man that keeps your interest. Are you drawn to the more stable, dangerous, sensitive, or romantic types? Are you always dating men who end up treating you badly? Why is this?
In the dating world, if you are not sure of what you are looking for, you limit your potential. Some lead busy lives, dedicating any spare time left to those people they already know rather than making an effort to meet new people. How will you leave this bubble to see out of this cloudy room in which you have locked yourself into? To maximise your possibilities, know what you are looking for. Strategically aim for a specific target by spending more time in places where Mr. Right may be hiding. A cultured man goes to museums and art galleries, while a religious type goes to his religious institutions. An adventurous type may go mountain climbing or bungee jumping, and the rich hang out at country clubs, expensive hotels and charity functions. The list is long.
First establish what you want, then attempt to find environments where you can meet the kind of man you want over time. It is easier to pick and choose those who fit your description. A good way to find him is through joining communities with varying interests. The internet has a number of communities based around common interests. Perhaps the best way to meet someone you find interesting is to take classes in something you are interested in. Another good tactic is to join dating sites where you can actually have a dialogue with someone to get to know them. It is much easier to communicate when you are not too concerned about being liked or about the effects of being disliked, so you are free to be more comfortable. Most those who are unconcerned with other people’s opinions are not afraid of being themselves. Not worrying about being liked can allow you to slowly gather information about him, in order to delve into his subconscious.
Bars and clubs are environments which present communication barriers such as alcohol, loud music and numerous distractions, shortening both your attention spans. These environments are not really designed for true interaction and communication, and therefore it is hard to judge him in these settings. The guy you meet in such a place may be interesting, yet due to intimidating situations or circumstances, neither of your true personalities is able to shine through. By judging or being judged too quickly, you may pass up opportunities that are staring in your face and miss the gateway that could have led to much more.
Decide on environments where you can meet men with whom you connect with culturally and emotionally. A functioning social life is good life training, where you can learn to smooth down the sharp edges, cope with and accept difference in others, tame conflicts and practice social skills. After all, you should make the most of your life. It is a good skill to be able to associate with men in whom you previously were not interested. Online communities supplement real life communities and can be switched off at your discretion.
Sometimes it is possible to have deeper conversations over the phone or in the dark before you go to sleep, as it is easier to focus on the pure content of the conversation and not constantly monitor social cues like facial expressions or gestures. When you do not see