Bad Birthdays: The Truth Behind Your Crappy Sun Sign. Sarah Fu Christensen. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Sarah Fu Christensen
Издательство: HarperCollins
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Жанр произведения: Юмор: прочее
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9780007570270
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a tendency to be soul-searchers. They want to know what makes them tick, and also what makes those closest to them tick. They spend a lot of time, like Freud, analyzing their thought patterns and dreams. They usually also have a pretty severe Oedipus or Electra complex and spend their adult lives trying to recreate their childhood, putting themselves into the role of the parent.

      APRIL 26

      Step away from the bag of potato chips, April 26th-er. You tend to stuff your face with carbs and sugar to calm your nerves, and this can lead to health problems in the long run. Try to find healthy ways to deal with your anxiety and nervous energy that don’t involve widening your girth and clogging up your aorta.

      APRIL 27

      If you were born on April 27, you may find your competitiveness to be a problem in your life. At work, you might take pleasure in outperforming others. At home, you might over-celebrate your checkers victory—much to your children’s dismay—and you may or may not have sent your racquetball challengers to the hospital with racquet-sized facial bruises. Anger management can’t help you, because it’s not anger that spurs you on. It’s the sheer joy of winning.

      APRIL 28

      April 28th natives are so earnest that sometimes you think they’re joking. They say completely un-cynical things without a trace of sarcasm, such as, “I like your pants,” or “Great idea, Bob.” They are refreshing in an era of double-speak. People born on this day want their family life to be straight out of a magazine shoot or an old television show, and they would like to be spared any behind-the-scenes ugliness that it takes to get the picture-perfect look.

      APRIL 29

      People born on April 28 seek approval more than some of their Tauri brethren do. They have a keen sense for when other people are judging them, and feel like they have to rectify it by persuading opposing parties. While they’ll still adhere stubbornly to their original game plan, they won’t rest comfortably until people agree that their way is the right way.

      APRIL 30

      It’s not that April 30th natives don’t want to be successful—they do! It’s just that they don’t really want to work that hard to get there. Because they’re big risk takers, sometimes their gambles really pay off and they find themselves rolling in dough. When the risks don’t pay off, they find themselves laying on the couch eating candy corns in June, reminiscing about when they threw that touchdown pass in a high school football final.

      MAY 1

      Don’t bring drama around a May 1ster. Seriously, step off with anything that is not relevant to family or career, or anything that’s over-emotional or frivolous. May 1st natives keep themselves far too busy to engage with theatrics. At home, you’ll find them stripping paint or ironing the curtains. At work, you’ll find them walking on the factory floor, or going out to the warehouse to make sure each step of the process is being done correctly. They keep it real, and to earn their respect their friends and family should keep their emotions in check and their issues in perspective.

      MAY 2

      It’s probable that people born on this date, if they eat vegetables at all, secretly despise them. They don’t want to eat a healthy diet. Deep down, they want cheeseburgers, french fries, and milkshakes for every single meal. If they are athletes, as many May 2nd-ers naturally are, they may recognize the need for a balanced diet and force themselves to eat green things. If they are armchair athletes, however, they are likely to be uncomfortable if they don’t figure out a way to get all the nutrients their body needs.

      MAY 3

      When five-year-olds play together, many times you’ll hear direct orders pass between the friends like, “You go over there and say, ‘Can’t stop the beat,’ and then throw the ball to me.” When May 3rd Bulls play together, you’ll hear the same type of bossiness ensuing. This is Niccolò Machiavelli’s birthday, and he was most probably a pretty bossy guy when he hung out with his pals, too.

      MAY 4

      You are inherently aware of the difference between right and wrong, aren’t you, May 4th-er? You have a moral compass that guides your every decision and there really is no gray area for you. To live up to your own values, you often punish yourself for your materialistic desires by denying yourself purchases and even physical pleasures such as comfort, or a decadent meal, or fulfilling sex with your partner. While your partner might think you’re off your rocker to not let yourself be sexually satisfied, as long as you continue to get their rocks off, your relationship can survive your bouts of self-chastisement.

      MAY 5

      May 5th natives can change the world if they can override their desire for security and take the risk to go BIG with their ideas. The pop star Adele shares this birthday with famous cook and author James Beard, and philosophers Karl Marx and Søren Kierkegaard were also born on this day. If you share this birthday as well, it’s time to put on your big-kid pants and put away your blankie and get out there into the world. You have a gift to offer the planet, so buck up and get on with it.

      MAY 6

      It is highly likely that your favorite holiday is Halloween, right, May 6th-er? Because it’s your chance to show off your very creepy and dark side without totally terrifying those closest to you. Whether you dress up like a spider’s egg sac or a dead prostitute, your costume is always just on the icky side of Halloween-appropriate attire. You let your natural creativity shine out in ways that the public may not always appreciate. Orson Welles, for example, who was born on May 6, duped, creeped out, and infuriated the American people with his broadcast reporting an alien attack on New Jersey in The War of the Worlds.

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      MAY 7

      It’s really not your fault if a May 7th native is not that into you romantically. They may happily hook up with others, enjoying social interactions and physical exchanges, but they will not take a life partner until they find a true soul mate. Similarly, they may do odd jobs to earn money, but they will not commit to a career until they find “the one” that combines their passion with a way to earn a lot of money. So, if you run across a May 7th Taurus who’s a corporate tax attorney or a tobacco lobbyist, it’s completely acceptable to hate him or her. They didn’t just end up in that career by mistake.

      MAY 8

      Perfect is boring, and people born on May 8 err on the side of perfection in all aspects of their life. They’re not even perfectionists, not in the true sense, because that would imply that they carried out their ideas of perfection to an unhealthy degree. They simply exist in this world as a great friend, a reliable employee, a good son or daughter, a solid spouse, and/or a caring parent. After some PG-13-rated rebellion as a teenager, they settle into reasonable, healthy adult habits. The thing that no one else knows about May 8th-ers—one of the most tragic tales of the Tragic Taurus—is that they have this huge dream that they keep completely to themselves. They may want to sing at the Grand Ole Opry, or write a novel, or become an astronaut, and every so often—when they’re feeling melancholy—they’ll take this dream out of the mental box they’ve stored it in and gaze at it longingly. Then they’ll rewrap it, carefully, store it back on its shelf, and get on with being perfect.

      MAY 9

      Most Tauruses make it a practice to avoid drama and unreliable romantic partners so as not to upset their primary life goals of achieving stability and comfort. May 9th-ers shirk this trend and seek out exciting love interests that the rest of the world may see as a terrible bet. But the May 9th-er will stubbornly try to make the relationship work until—at some point—they are forced to choose between their career and their lover. Then, they’ll almost always stick with their Taurus roots and choose stability in their career.

      MAY 10

      On May 10, 1924, J. Edgar Hoover started up the U.S.’s Federal Bureau of Investigation. Just like Hoover, May 10th natives tend to be suspicious by nature. They want to believe that people are doing the right thing, but don’t really