LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH DEGENERATE GEMINI
There’s a statistic floating around out there that something like a third of people regularly cheat on their spouse. Well, Gemini probably inflates that data a bit because it’s likely that the vast majority of Geminis have cheated or will cheat. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you’re looking to settle down with a Gemini… there won’t be much settling involved. You’ll have to constantly keep on your toes to avoid falling into a boring rut. The rut is what will drive Gemini into the arms of someone they see as more exciting, more fulfilling, and smarter than you are. The best way to keep your Gemini engaged is to surprise him or her with new topics of conversation. That might mean going to see movies regularly, constantly reading up on world events, or renting really bad ‘80s porn to make fun of together—whatever you do, make sure it’s new, exciting, and intellectually stimulating. Either that, or you could just become comfortable with a see-no-evil, open-marriage approach.
Speaking of porn, Geminis tend to have diverse sexual interests and a rich fantasy life. If you’re not into trying new things, or even discussing new things, a Gemini might not be the right match to bring home to Mom. You don’t have to actually dress up in a latex bunny suit to date a Gemini, but you do have to be able to talk about dressing up in a latex bunny suit, and let the Gemini explore his or her fantasy orally—er, verbally. Geminis have a great deal of trust in their relationships and will openly share their innermost desires with their partner, but if they’re mocked or shamed for their fantasies, they may never share them again. Be very careful with a Gemini’s trust because once it’s violated, it’s almost impossible to regain.
Geminis tend to talk all the time. Half the time, they are not speaking to make a point, but rather just letting ideas burst and flow from their mouth indiscriminately. You might be shocked to hear them switch sides without warning and argue the opposite side in a debate they’ve had before. They’re not exactly changing their minds, they’re just exploring the other side of the argument and thinking things through. Sometimes they sound like idiots, but they don’t care. To them, speaking is just another form of thinking, and they wouldn’t dream of censoring themselves for such silly reasons as consistency and integrity.
CHECKLIST FOR DATING A DEGENERATE GEMINI
You’ll need at least half of these things to have a successful relationship with a Degenerate Gemini.
Independence: Or the illusion of independence. If you get all clingy with a Gemini, they will jump through windows, break through walls, and basically do anything necessary to escape. Smothering a Gemini will turn them off faster than any other transgression.
At least one impulsive bone in your body: Geminis change their minds so quickly that one minute you’ll be heading to dinner and the next minute they’ll want to go to a movie, and then they’ll remember that a friend of theirs is playing a heavy-metal gig across town. You’ll need to grit your teeth and just go along with the ride in order to feel like you’re not depriving your Gemini date of a fun time. Even once you seal the deal and settle down with a Gemini, you’ll need to maintain this ability to go with the flow, because if you start restricting Gemini, he or she will find excitement outside your relationship faster than you can say, “Let’s just stay in and watch a movie tonight.”
Mental multitasking: Geminis never stop talking, unless you’ve made them angry and they’re giving you the silent treatment, which is not a good sign. You need to be able to listen effectively, nodding and interjecting where appropriate, while also handling other tasks. This will maintain your productivity and keep your Chatty Cathy partner feeling acknowledged and appreciated.
A sense of humor: Geminis really want people to laugh at their jokes, and find them incredibly witty and amusing. If you can giggle, chuckle, and guffaw your way through a date with a Gemini, you’re almost certain to get another date.
Opinions: It does not matter if your opinions are consistent, but you need to be able to talk about social and political happenings, about cultural events, movies and books, about history and sports. Geminis have a wide range of interests and they’ll want to talk to you about all of them.
A brain: Geminis can be very physical, but their attention won’t last long if you don’t have brains to go with your bod. They need the whole package in order to remain interested longer than a few hot minutes.
DEGENERATE GEMINI COMPATIBILITY
GEMINI AND ARIES LOVE
In general, relationships with Geminis can either be really good or really bad, depending on the personal traits of their romantic partner. The joining of an Aries and a Gemini is an extreme example of this. For example, if Aries can control his or her temper and just laugh it off when Gemini flirts with the whole town, they could laugh it off together. If Gemini can act supportive and get behind Aries when he or she impulsively jumps into a new business venture and invests all the couple’s money, the relationship might last.
GEMINI AND TAURUS LOVE
Taurus, you better step off. You don’t own Gemini. Gemini ain’t your property. Taurus may never get it through his or her thick skull that you can’t take a wild Gemini and lock it in a cage. Gemini knows why the caged bird sings, and his or her constant singing, talking, chirping, and bleating will drive the sedate Taurus out of his or her mind. Chances are this relationship will never get serious enough to end in divorce, but the only way it will ever really succeed is if Gemini teaches Taurus to loosen up, and if Taurus teaches Gemini to shut the Hell up.
GEMINI AND GEMINI LOVE
The good news is that two Geminis will never run out of things to talk about. They’ll gossip, analyze, debate, and argue until the rooster crows. The bad news is that they might give one another whiplash from one another’s reversals, about-faces, and changes of pace. “Twins times two” basically means the relationship practically has to support four different sets of desires, and Gemini’s short-attention-span-times-two means that the couple might end up with a devastating make-up-break-up dynamic.
GEMINI AND CANCER LOVE
Cancer isn’t always great at communicating, and communicating is all that Gemini seems to want to do. While Gemini’s running their mouth, Cancer is preparing a romantic dinner, lighting candles, and choosing just the right mood music. Unfortunately, it’s unlikely that Gemini will slow down long enough to notice. Cancer wants to stay home; Gemini wants to go out. Cancer wants to talk about feelings; but Gemini just wants to get flirty.
GEMINI AND LEO LOVE
It’s inadvisable for Gemini and Leo to go into business together, although hopping into the sack together is highly advisable. The sex will be terrific. However, between Leo’s overblown ego and Gemini’s optimism, they’ll be unable to recognize and solve the problems that come up with their finances. They will have a good time, though, if Leo can hold back from bossing Gemini around and Gemini can deal with Leo’s drama-queen approach to problem solving.
GEMINI AND VIRGO LOVE
It will happen fast. Gemini will be just chatting, as usual, maybe playing devil’s advocate about footie pajamas, or debating the pros and cons of peanut butter brands, and suddenly Virgo will get real. Virgo will try to call Gemini out on how he or she just said the opposite, or point out how the logic that Gemini is using has major flaws. Gemini may recover smoothly from Virgo’s verbal lashing, but he or she will feel deeply bruised by the intellectual attack. If this happens too many times, Gemini will simply stop talking to Virgo completely—which means that Gemini will be talking to someone else, if you catch the meaning.