MAY 11
People born on May 11 tend to have a really explosive temper. They can go from zero to screaming in seconds flat, and when these Bulls see red, they refuse to be talked down. Socially, they want to be surrounded by only the most illustrious people, and they can be critical of even lifelong friends who they see as hacks or frauds.
MAY 12
Many famous people were born on May 12, from entrepreneurs to writers to comedians. These are people who can rally their resources and make their dreams come true if they have financial support from friends and family, at least when their careers are in their early stages. It’s not so hard to soar if you know you can’t fall flat, right, May 12th-er? Funnyman George Carlin, born on May 12, once said, “Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” In this simple joke you’ll find the split between the May 12th natives that make it big and the May 12th natives that only scrape by.
MAY 13
People born on this day can be hyper-charismatic and persuasive. They entertain, preach, propagandize, and basically seduce everyone they meet. Cult leader Jim Jones was born on this date, and he alluringly convinced over nine hundred Americans to join his cult, give up all their possessions, abandon their families, move to Guyana, Africa, and then drink poisonous Kool-Aid in a mass suicide. Actor Stephen Colbert, of The Colbert Report, was also born on this day and, while Colbert is pretty influential, it would be nearly impossible to beat Jim Jones’s power of persuasion. Just because you’ve got a tough act to follow doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, though, May 13th-er.
MAY 14
Stubbornness is a trait that all Taureans share, but May 14th natives tend to turn that stubborn nature on themselves. They judge themselves harshly and hold themselves to totally inflexible and incredibly high standards. They don’t feel good about their labor until the world validates the work they do. If they’re not getting enough attention at the office, they may awkwardly try to slide their work achievements into conversations at social gatherings. Side note: Mark Zuckerberg was born on this day, so please “Like” and “Share” this on Facebook to show him he’s not alone in his awkwardness.
MAY 15
May 15th natives are just enormously hungry most of the time and feel essentially like a bottomless pit. If you were born on this day and have a slim figure, you probably feel that deep down inside you’re just a deprived overweight person. Don’t let down your guard or all your hard work will disappear faster than you can say, “Pass the cheese sauce.”
MAY 16
May 16th-ers are lucky. They get to experience the full roller coaster of love, the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. It seems like no matter how much they try to stabilize their relationship, the vacillating continues. Their stubbornness and refusal to compromise plays a part in their relationship drama, but their misery primarily comes down to the fact that they secretly love to argue and get a lot of pleasure out of sparring.
MAY 17
You look tired, May 17th-er. Is it because you’re out there, killing it, pursuing excellence like you do every day, or maybe you’re coming down with a little something? People born on this day are not show-offs, but they should be, because they are head and shoulders above other people in both their persistence and intelligence. Unfortunately, they worry too much about their health and can be total hypochondriacs. This can slow them down professionally and hurt them socially.
MAY 18
It’s possible that a single, bad break-up has ruined the entire romantic life of a May 18th native. If they seem distant and slightly judgmental when you sidle up to them, it could be because someone a long time ago (or yesterday, for that matter) stomped all over their heart. It could also be because you have broccoli stuck between your teeth… but it’s probably the broken heart thing.
MAY 19
On this day in 1962, Marilyn Monroe sang her famous version of “Happy Birthday” to John F. Kennedy. It wasn’t actually his birthday… Marilyn never was very good with dates unlike people born on May 19, who tend to be very good at keeping their calendars. Anyway, the point is that just like Marilyn adapted a classic tune in order to present it in a distinctive way, people born on May 19 also adapt the commonplace to meet their own unique needs. May 19th-ers are the original DIY-ers, and will figure out how to turn a mini-fridge into a Kegerator, or snip and sew to transform hideous curtains into a slightly less hideous dress. They will custom-fit anything, regardless of whether or not it’s a wise idea.
MAY 20
So, somebody once told you that you wouldn’t amount to anything when you were a kid, May 20th-er. So what. Shake off whatever that teacher or preacher or troop leader said to you, and dust off your dreams. Sure, you might fall flat on your face if you try to compete, but then again… you might not. The truth is, you will have no idea if you have what it takes to make your dreams come true until you admit that you actually have dreams.
TAURUS-GEMINI CUSP
People born between May 19 and May 22 are born in the Taurus-Gemini cusp. These people display traits of both signs. In the case of the Taurus-Gemini cusp, the signs share many traits in common. First, both signs love to eat, drink, and get it on, so people born during this time period can find themselves held hostage by their desires for these physical pleasures. Try to get on an every-other-day drinking-and-screwing schedule so that you can channel your boundless energy into more productive and creative activities.
MAY 21 TO JUNE 21
In the zodiac, Geminis are represented by twins. The twins symbolize their dual nature, their dexterity to change modes quickly, and their ability to hold multiple sets of morals and ideals to be simultaneously true. We could stop this chapter here, because this establishes the baseline truth about Geminis: they’re two-faced. They’ll say one thing to your face, and as soon as they’re with someone else, they’ll bust out with a completely different opinion. They don’t hesitate to flip-flop in their friendships, their politics, or their morals. If you want to be constantly surprised, befriend a Gemini. You never know what they’re going to say or do.
Geminis also can’t shut up. They think a lot, and they speak a lot, but unfortunately for the rest of humanity, they don’t always do it in the correct order. Geminis have to talk through ideas to understand them more thoroughly, and they love to bounce ideas off other people as they’re developing them. This means that at least half of what comes out of their mouth consists of completely unformed ideas, or—in layman’s terms—verbal diarrhea. Geminis gravitate to others who speak their minds, even if their ideas vary from what is currently considered to be socially acceptable. They also read everything they can get their hands on and like to work their well-read nature into conversations, to prove that they aren’t as bird-brained as some of their conversations would lead onlookers to believe.
Because of their dual nature and their social behavior, Geminis find themselves surrounded by a large and diverse group of friends. If you’re ever invited to a Gemini’s party, assume that you’re going to positively detest at least a third of the people there. If you ever casually mention to a Gemini that their friends are scumbags, they’ll just laugh it off and say something infuriating like, “It takes