APRIL 17
Are you particularly clumsy? Many April 17th natives have bruised shins, black-and-blue toenails, and more bumps to the head than they can count. This is primarily because their body and mind are not really in sync. There are some exceptions, however, such as Victoria Beckham, an April 17th-er who has shown the world that she can be at least slightly coordinated in executing her dance moves. We’d need to see her shins (without airbrushing) to know for sure if she’s got the usual clumsiness associated with this birth date.
APRIL 18
Doctor Who? Oh, Doctor Who. The Tenth Doctor in the epic science fiction program was played by David Tennant, an April 18th native. Though Tennant can’t really travel through time (as far as can be told), sometimes people born on April 18 feel as though they are in some kind of time warp. They see their adult life as a strange reincarnation of their parents’ lives, and when they have children this feeling gets even more intense. Egad. Where’s the nearest phone booth??
APRIL 19
People born on this date take their financial well-being very seriously. While many other Arians are able to choose between passion and money, April 19th natives are constantly thinking of the family coffers and scrimping in order to amass a sizeable sum. This can lead to uncomfortable situations with friends at restaurants, where they will find themselves arguing that they oughtn’t have to split the bill for the appetizer evenly because Donna over there had two extra pieces of cheese bread. After a few instances like this, the April 19th native won’t get invited to many restaurant gatherings, so the problem will self-correct eventually.
APRIL 20
This is a very bad birthday because… well… it’s Adolf Hitler’s birthday. So, it’s pretty much one of the worst birthdays you could have, although most of the time the traits of the Arian people don’t come on as strong as they did in Herr Hitler. This terrible day is also marred by one of the first and worst school shootings—the tragedy that took place at the Columbine High School in Colorado. On the positive side, the adorable Woody Allen classic Annie Hall was released in theaters on this day, and the chemical element radium was isolated by Marie Curie. It’s also a day during which people around the world celebrate marijuana and tend to ingest quite a lot of it. So that’s good, too, if you like that sort of thing.
ARIES–TAURUS CUSP
If you were born between April 19 and April 23, your birthday falls on the Aries-Taurus cusp and you could display characteristics of both signs. You are a combination of the Ram and the Bull, and not necessarily in a good way. You push your way into situations that don’t involve you, and try to force your will on everyone else. To lovers and colleagues it sometimes feels like you’re trying to parent them, which is really quite obnoxious of you—really, it is.
APRIL 20 TO MAY 20
Tragic Tauruses should be royalty in the Middle Ages. Their idea of a good time is to sit back with a giant, roasted turkey leg and a huge goblet of wine, talk boisterously with friends and family, lounge around in velvet robes, and maybe even get some servant to pop ripe, juicy grapes into his or her mouth. If anyone argues with their decisions, Taurus could just have him or her beheaded on the spot for sport. Unfortunately, there’s not much room for royalty in today’s technology-based world, so modern-day Tauruses just end up bossing their families around while they sit together at the table eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. The fact remains, however, that Tauruses consider themselves to be the kings and queens of their households and workplaces—all ways must be Taurus’s way.
Taureans love the physical world around them. They can actually get overwhelmed in places like Yankee Candle or Bath & Body Works. Even Bed Bath & Beyond can be a little too much—who knew towels and bedspreads came in so many textures? They might tear up a little bit when the beauty of an orange-and-blue fall sky hits them full-on. While it can be touching to see the sensitive side of Tragic Taurus, it’s usually best to keep them away from very shiny things.
Taurus’s fatal flaws stem from their desire to control the things around them. They can have a major temper when they’re challenged by their own personal limitations, or by their partner. They will rage against friction and can throw themselves off course with their tantrums. Of course, some Taureans are less assertive than others, and this anger can come in the form of a prolonged silent treatment. Their complete pig-headedness can be a major problem both at home and at work. On top of this, the Tauri people really like to relax, almost to the point of total laziness. While they take pride in doing what they say they’re going to do, they may not commit to very many things that interfere with their lounging.
LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH TRAGIC TAURUS
Tauruses just want to take care of someone. They want to feed and clothe their mate, comfort them and support them. A Taurus is exactly what you want if you’re a newborn baby and the Taurus is your parent. If, however, you are a full-grown adult lookin’ for hot-n-steamy love, a Taurus might come across as a little bit overbearing and maternal. Can you spice up your Taurus? Sure you can. Just like you can add chili powder to a chicken breast, or some sort of savory sauce to your tofu, you can encourage a Taurus to be more spontaneous. Just know that settling down with a Taurus probably means twice-weekly sex in the missionary position with the lights out. In the end, though, seeking out a Taurus is totally the right move if you’re sick of sleeping your way through the club scene. When it’s time to call it quits, go through your little black book and send a flirty text to the least offensive Taurus.
There are things you should know, however, when you get close to that coveted next stage of life with a Taurus. It’s very important to a Taurus that they feel in control all the time. They won’t tolerate mysterious or fishy behavior from their lover, and if they even perceive the possibility of infidelity, their jealous, angry side will surface. There’s nothing more awful to watch than a bullfight, and that’s exactly what you’ll get if you butt heads with a Taurus. The Bull does not give up easily and, more often than not, they won’t even bother to listen attentively to their partner’s side of the argument. They are completely inflexible—debating with one is about as useful as debating with a brick wall.
All Taurus wants is to be nice to you, baby, and make your home a nice place to spend time in together. Why do you have to get so many ideas in that little head of yours to interrupt Taurus’s flow? Truly, if you can just make yourself a quiet little pet and follow Taurus’s instructions, you’re in store for some seriously sappy romance. Get ready for heart-shaped coupons on Valentine’s Day entitling you to some smokin’ sex act (oooh, maybe you can leave the lights on one night if you get a really wild coupon), and thoughtful, expensive holiday gifts. Oh yes, you may get a vacuum cleaner or new underpants, as Tauruses are practical by nature, but look out for an extra little box with something expensive and sentimental waiting on your pillow. Sweet Bull!
CHECKLIST FOR DATING A TRAGIC TAURUS
You’ll need at least half of these things in order to have a successful relationship with a Tragic Taurus.
Creativity: You set the stage for romance and—guaranteed—Taurus