“24. At the commencement of the last week, I had high hopes of being more engaged in religion, than ever before. But I have reason to fear, that I relied too much on my own strength. I still find cause to be humbled in the dust, for my inconstancy and rebellion. I have doné little for the cause of God—too often indulged in trifling conversation. In this way, I grieve the Holy Spirit, and bring darkness upon my mind. And yet I hope, that I have had some right feelings. I would not deny what I have enjoyed, though it is but small. I have, at times, felt engaged in prayer for the prosperity of the church, and for the conversion of the heathen and Jews.”
Note
* She became a member of the Congregational Church in Bradford.
CHAPTER II.
Her Connexion with Mr. Judson.
The event, which determined the nature of her future life, was her marriage with Mr. Judson. Some particulars respecting the circumstances which led to this connexion, will now be stated. A few facts, however, in relation to Mr. Judson himself, must previously be mentioned.
He was born at Malden, (Mass.) August 9, 1788. He graduated at Brown University, in 1807. Soon afterwards he commenced making the tour of the United States. “Some providential occurrences, while on his journey, led him to doubt the truth of those deistical sentiments which he had recently adopted. His mind became so deeply impressed with the probability of the divine authenticity of the Scriptures, that he could no longer continue his journey, but returned to his father’s house, for the express purpose of examining thoroughly the foundation of the Christian religion. After continuing his investigations for some time, he became convinced that the Scriptures are of divine origin, and that he himself was in a lost situation by nature, and needed renovation previously to an admittance into heaven. It now became his sole inquiry, What shall I do to be saved ?
“The theological seminary at Andover, Massachusetts, was about this time established ; but the rules of the institution required evidence of evangelical piety in all who were admitted. Mr. Judson was desirous of entering there for the purpose of being benefited by the theological lectures ; but hardly ventured to make application, conscious that he was destitute of the proper qualifications. His ardent desire, however, to become acquainted with the religious students, and to be in a situation to gain religious instruction, overcame every obstacle, and he applied for admittance ; at the same time assuring the Professors of his having no hope that he had been a subject of regenerating grace. He was, notwithstanding, admitted ; and, in the course of a few weeks, gained satisfactory evidence of having obtained an interest in Christ, and turned his attention to those studies which were most calculated to make him useful in the ministry.
“Some time in the last year of his residence in this theological seminary, he met with Dr. Buchanan’s ‘Star in the East,’ This first led his thoughts to an eastern mission. The subject harassed his mind from day to day, and he felt deeply impressed with the importance of making some attempt to rescue the perishing millions of the east. He communicated these impressions to various individuals, but they all discouraged him. He then wrote to the Directors of the London Missionary Society, explaining his views, and requested information on the subject of missions. He received a most encouraging reply, and an invitation to visit England, to obtain in person the necessary information.
“Soon after this, Messrs, Nott, Newell and Hall, joined him, all of them resolving to leave their native land, and engage in the arduous work of missionaries, as soon as Providence should open the way,” *
There was, at that time, no Missionary Society, in this country, to which these young men could look for assistance and direction. The spirit of prayer and of exertion for the spread of the Gospel through the world, had not then been sufficiently diffused, to awaken the American churches to combined action for the support of foreign Missions.
The formation of a Missionary Society, in this country, was, therefore, a desirable measure. As these young men were all Congregationalists, they looked, of course, to their own denomination, for the aid which they needed. An opportunity was presented, to lay the subject before a number of the leading ministers of that denomination, at the meeting of the Massachusetts Association, at Bradford, in June 1810. At this meeting, the following paper, written by Mr, Judson, was presented :
“The undersigned, members of the Divinity College, respectfully request the attention of their Reverend Fathers, convened in the General Association at Bradford, to the following statement and inquiries :
“They beg leave to state, that their minds have been long impressed with the duty and importance of personally attempting a mission to the Heathen ; that the impressions on their minds have induced a serious, and they trust, a prayerful consideration of the subject in its various attitudes, particularly in relation to the probable success, and the difficulties attending such an attempt ; and that after examining all the information which they can obtain, they consider themselves as devoted to this work for life, whenever God in his providence shall open the way.
“They now offer the following inquiries, on which they solicit the opinion and advice of this Association. Whether with their present views and feelings, they ought to renounce the object of Missions as visionary or impracticable ; if not, whether they ought to direct their attention to the eastern or western world ; whether they may expect patronage and support from a Missionary Society in this country, or must commit themselves to the direction of a European Society ; and what preparatory measures they ought to take previous to actual engagement ?
“The undersigned, feeling their youth and inexperience, look up to their Fathers in the church, and respectfully solicit their advice, direction, and prayers.
Adoniram Judson, Jr.
Samuel Nott, Jr.
Samuel J. Mills,
Samuel Neavell.”
This important paper was at first signed by two other individuals, Mr. Richards and Mr. Rice, but their names were omitted, from a fear that the application of so many individuals, at one time, might occasion embarrassment.
“This document,” says the biographer of Mr. Mills, “was referred to a Special Committee, who, in their report, recognized the imperative obligation and importance of Missions—expressed their conviction that the gentlemen who had thus modestly expressed their views, ought not to renounce, but sacredly cherish their sacred impressions ; and submitted the outlines of a plan, which at that meeting was carried into effect, in the appointment of a Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, “for the purpose of devising ways and means, and adopting and prosecuting measures, for promoting the spread of the Gospel in Heathen lands.” ‘
Mr. Judson and his associates expected and desired an immediate appointment as missionaries ; but the Board, being unprovided with funds, and not having as yet matured any plan of operations, advised them to continue their studies, and wait for further information. But, fearing that several years might elapse before a missionary spirit would be sufficiently excited in this country, Mr. Judson solicited and obtained leave of the Board to visit England, to ascertain whether any measures of co-operation could be concerted between the London Missionary Society and the Board, and whether any assistance could be obtained from that Society in case the Board itself should be unable to sustain a Mission.
He sailed in January, 1811, for England. Three weeks after sailing, the vessel was captured by a French privateer; and after being detained several weeks as a prisoner on board, he was confined in a prison at Bayonne. By the exertions of an American gentleman, he was released on parole, and at length with great difficulty he obtained passports from the Emperor, and proceeded to England, where he arrived in May.
It