“These, dear L, are my ideas respecting the subject. There are many other evidences, but these are sufficient, if true, to convince us whether we make any improvement in a divine life. If we have made none under the rich cultivation we have enjoyed, then we may be sure we are unacquainted with that path which is as a shining light, which shineth more and more unto the perfect day.”
Mrs. Judson, early in her religious life, showed her desire to be useful to her fellow men. Her active mind was not satisfied without some effort to benefit those around her. She accordingly engaged, soon after this period, in the occupation of instructing a school, impelled mainly by the desire to be useful. There are few situations, which furnish better opportunities of imparting permanent benefit, than that of the instructor of a school. In New England, this office is regarded with a good degree of the honourable estimation to which it is entitled ; and it is to be wished, that a larger number of educated young ladies would employ themselves in a service so beneficial to their own minds, and so vitally important to the rising generation.
The following extract from Mrs. Judson’s journal, dated May 12, 1807, shows the conscientious principles which actuated her; and proves that her mind was thus early swayed by the resolution to live not unto herself, hut to him who died for her, and rose again. Her zeal for the spiritual welfare of others, and her decision of character, are here seen in a very striking light :
“Have taken charge of a few scholars. Ever since I have had a comfortable hope in Christ, I have desired to devote myself to him, in such a way as to be useful to my fellow creatures. As Providence has placed me in a situation of life, where I have an opportunity of getting as good an education as I desire, I feel it would be highly criminal in me not to improve it. I feel also, that it would be equally criminal to desire to be well educated and accomplished, from selfish motives, with a view merely to gratify my taste and relish for improvement, or my pride in being qualified to shine. I therefore resolved last winter, to attend the academy, from no other motive, than to improve the talents bestowed by God, so as to be more extensively devoted to his glory, and the benefit of my fellow creatures. On being lately requested to take a small school, for a few months, I felt very unqualified to have the charge of little immortal souls; but the hope of doing them good, by endeavouring to impress their young and tender minds with divine truth, and the obligation I feel, to try to he useful, have induced me to comply. I was enabled to open the school with prayer. Though the cross was very great, I felt constrained by a sense of duty, to take it up. The little creatures seemed astonished at such a beginning. Probably some of them had never heard a prayer before. O may I have grace to be faithful, in instructing these little immortals, in such a way as shall be pleasing to my heavenly Father.”
She was engaged, at intervals, for several years, in teaching schools, in different towns. She was always diligent and faithful in her endeavours to enlighten the minds and to form the manners of her pupils; but she regarded the fear of the Lord as the beginning of wisdom ; and she strove to guide her dear pupils to the Saviour. She felt herself to be intrusted, in some measure, with the charge of their souls ; and she watched for them as one that must give account. It is believed, that her prayers and efforts were not in vain ; and that some of her pupils in this country will mingle their praises, before the throne of the Redeemer, with those of ransomed Burmans, adoring him for her instrumentality in leading them to repentance and faith in his name.
From her journal, we select a few additional extracts, which will show the state of her feelings, and the progress of her piety.
“June 12. For a week or two past, have had very little enjoyment in religion, and almost every duty has appeared burdensome. But praised be God, I have enjoyed much, yesterday and to-day. I find, that reading the exercises of Miss Anthony has a great tendency to humble me, and quicken ray spiritual life. I long to possess her spirit, and be as much engaged in the service of God, as that dear saint was. I feel an attachment to her, stronger than I ever felt for any person, while I was in an unconverted state. If love to the children of God is an evidence of having been born again, I have reason to think, that this is my happy case. I know that I love Christians, and love those most, who are most actively engaged in the cause of Christ; and at the throne of grace, I feel, at times, my soul drawn out in love to them, and in as ardent desires for their spiritual welfare, as for my own.
“17. Have had some deep sense of religion, this day. Read the life of Dr. Hopkins, of Newport. Find much edification and happiness, in reading such books. In the evening, had much conversation with some of the family, on the subject of religion. Appearances rather encouraging.
“18. Have enjoyed much to-day, while reading and meditating on the distinguishing doctrines of grace. My heart acquiesced and rejoiced in them. If I enjoy comfort in any thing, it is when I have a realizing sense of God’s holy character. I feel happy, when I reflect, that God will overrule all things, for the promotion of his own glory. In my walk, this evening, my thoughts were intensely fixed on the greatness and majesty of the Supreme Being, and on the numberless sins I have committed against him. Then they turned to the glorious way of salvation, which this great and most gracious Being has provided. I desired to give myself entirely to Christ, have him for my prophet, priest and king, be entirely devoted to him, and give him all the glory of my salvation. O Jesus, ever give me such views of thyself, as shall entirely take away my thoughts from this vain world.
“July 6. It is just a year, this day, since I entertained a hope in Christ. About this time, in the evening, when reflecting on the words of the lepers, If we enter into the city, then the famine is in the city, and we shall die there ; and if we sit still here, we die also, I felt that if I returned to the world, I should surely perish ; if I staid where I then was, I should perish ; and I could but perish, if I threw myself on the mercy of Christ. Then came light, and relief, and comfort, such as I never knew before. O how little have I grown in grace, since that time. How little engaged in religion am I now, compared to what I was then. Then the world had not the least share in my thoughts or heart. Nothing but religion engrossed my affections, and I thought that nothing else ever would. But though my heart is treacherous, I trust that I have some evidence of being a true Christian ; for when contemplating the moral perfections of God, my heart is pleased with, and approves of just such a Being. His law, which once appeared unjust and severe, now appears holy, just and good. His justice appears equally glorious as his mercy, and illustrative of the same love to universal happiness. The way of salvation by Christ appears glorious, because herein God can be just, and yet display his mercy to the penitent sinner.”
At this point, her regular journal ceases, and nothing but fragments has been preserved, concerning her subsequent views and feelings. They do not differ materially from those which have already been quoted, except that they show a gradual enlargement of desires for the prosperity of the Church of God; and indicate that God was preparing her mind for her future duties.
“March 17—(probably 1809.) Have had some enjoyment in reading the life of David Brainerd. It had a tendency to humble me,