“He who has styled himself a prayer-hearing God graciously manifested himself to my soul, and made it easy and pleasant to pray. Felt a longing desire for more grace, for more unreserved devotedness to God. When I get near to God, and discern the excellence of the character of the Lord Jesus, and especially his power and willingness to save, I feel desirous, that the whole world should become acquainted with this Saviour. I am not only willing to spend my days among the heathen, in attempting to enlighten and save them, but I find much pleasure in the prospect. Yes, I am quite willing to give up temporal comforts, and live a life of hardship and trial, if it be the will of God.
‘I can be safe and free from care,
On any shore, since God is there.’
“Oct. Sabbath—(probably 1811.) Another holy day calls me to the house of God. O that I may enjoy his presence and rest in him. This morning, had some faint views of my unworthiness and nothingness before God. Felt ashamed, that I had ever indulged the least complacency in myself, when I am so exceedingly depraved. I can find no words to express my own vileness ; and yet I sometimes exalt myself, and wonder the Supreme Being takes no more notice of my prayers, and gives me no more grace. This evening, attended a female prayer meeting. Felt solemn and engaged in prayer. Longed for clearer views of God, and stronger confidence in him. Made a new dedication of myself to God. Felt perfectly willing to give up my friends and earthly comforts, provided I might, in exile, enjoy the presence of God. I never felt more engaged in prayer for special grace, to prepare me for my great undertaking, than this evening. I am confident God will support me in every trying hour. I have strong hope, that in giving me such an opportunity of labouring for him, he will make me peculiarly useful. No matter where I am, if I do but serve the infinitely blessed God ; and it is my comfort, that he can prepare me to serve him. Blessed Jesus, I am thine, for ever. Do with me what thou wilt ; lead me in the path in which thou wouldst have me go, and it is enough.
“Nov. 23. My heart has been quite revived, this evening, with spiritual things. Had some views of the excellent nature of the kingdom of Christ. Longed, above all things, to have it advanced. Felt an ardent desire to be instrumental of spreading a knowledge of the Redeemer’s name, in a heathen land. Felt it a great, an undeserved privilege, to have an opportunity of going. Yes, I think I would rather go to India, among the heathen, notwithstanding the almost insurmountable difficulties in the way, than stay at home and enjoy the comforts and luxuries of life. Faith in Christ will enable me to bear trials, however severe. My hope in his powerful protection animates me to persevere in my purpose. O, if he will condescend to make me useful in promoting his kingdom, I care not where I perform his work, nor how hard it be. Behold the handmaid of the Lord ; be it unto me according to thy word.”
The resolution of Mr. and Mrs. Judson, to devote themselves to the service of their Saviour as Missionaries, was not formed in the ardour of youthful enthusiasm. It was not the impulse of an adventurous spirit, panting for scenes of difficulty and danger. They had cherished no romantic views of the missionary enterprize. They had calmly estimated its hazards and its toils. They foresaw what it would cost them, and the issue to which it would probably lead them both. They knew well what they must do and suffer; and they yielded themselves as willing sacrifices, for the sake of the far distant heathen.
As a proof of this, an extract of a letter from Mr. J. to Deacon Hasseltine may here be quoted. It is in every view a remarkable document. Its design was, to ask the father’s consent to his daughter’s marriage, and her consequent departure for India. The letter is alike honourable to the writer, and to the parent. An ordinary lover would have solicited the desired consent, by a strong statement of every encouraging consideration, and by throwing the bright tints of hope over the dark clouds which enveloped the future. Mr. Judson resorted to no such artifice. He knew that the case was too solemnly interesting for any thing but simplicity, and godly sincerity. He knew that the excellent man whom he addressed was capable of sacrificing his feelings to his duty, and was able to decide the painful question proposed to him, in single-hearted submission to his Saviour’s will.
After mentioning to Deacon H. that he had offered marriage to his daughter, and that she had “said something about consent of parents,” Mr. Judson proceeds in this eloquent strain ;
“I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world ; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life : whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean ; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India ; to every kind of want and distress ; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you ; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls : for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God ? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with a crown of righteousness, brightened by the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Saviour from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair ?”
Can the enemy of Missions, after reading this letter, accuse Missionaries of ambitious and selfish purposes ? Could a man, capable of writing thus, in such circumstances, be actuated by any of the ordinary motives, which govern human actions ? Could a father give up a daughter to such an alliance, and such a destiny, from any impulse, inferior to the constraining love of Christ ?
The following letter from Miss H. to an intimate friend proves that she had duly estimated the importance and the difficulties of the subject, and had been guided to a decision, after deliberate reflection and earnest prayer to God.
To Miss L. K.
Beverly, Sept. 8, 1810.
“I can, but for a moment, turn my thoughts on the dealings of God with us. He made us the inhabitants of the same town ; and living near each other, as we have, no wonder the similarity in the turn of our minds produced strong affection. The same opportunities were afforded, and under the same instructors we obtained our education. We mutually assisted each other in lightness, dissipation, and vanity. When God, by his Holy Spirit, convinced one of her lost undone condition, her first object was to convince the other. Our convictions were the same. How often did we converse on our awful situation, and mingle our tears for our hardness and stupidity. The fields and groves frequently heard our complaints, the moon and stars in the stillness of evening witnessed our sorrow. Did God leave us to act out the horrid enmity of our hearts ? Did he leave us to blaspheme his holy name, and curse the day in which we were born ? No. Let our souls be filled with astonishment—he led us to Jesus, the Saviour of sinners ! Can we deny that the Saviour appeared to us as the chief among ten thousands ? Did we not frequently meet to converse about the things of the kingdom, and eagerly inquire, ‘how we could most promote the glory of God ?’ These facts, my friend, we cannot deny. But where is now that engagedness for God ? What have we ever done for him who has so distinguished us ? O Lydia, let us weep, let us be deeply affected with our ingratitude in living no more devoted to him. O let us, dear L. now begin, and sacrifice every thing that comes in competition with the glory of God, and give our whole selves to him.
“I have ever made you a confidant. I will still confide in you, and beg for your prayers, that I may be directed in regard to the subject which I shall communicate.
“I feel willing, and expect, if nothing in providence prevents, to spend my days in this world in heathen lands. Yes, Lydia, I have about come to the determination to give up all my comforts and enjoyments here, sacrifice my affection to relatives and friends, and go where God, in his providence, shall see fit to place me. My determinations are not hasty,