In a hurry soaping the head, groping a bast with the narrowed eyes, Alexander overturned a bottle with shampoo. A kind quarter of dense liquid went to the sewerage. “All …. Week it is necessary to use one soap. Otherwise until the end of a month will not be enough”, – the drawn conclusion against the background of recently represented events, could make cry anyone, but the appeared in time rage saved the guy from despair. “To save it!” Together with shampoo through a lattice on a floor also pougasshy dreams filtered. Bright colors grew dim, the real life, and together with it and shower, covered with the tile which is falling off walls, with the bulbs which are clumsily hanging down from a ceiling, a rust on a floor came back. At the same time watered with hatred and envy Klot of those of whom dreamed, whose ranks wanted to join. “They lead inaccessible, expensive and beautiful life, and to me to save”, – any more without being angry, and longing, it accurately twirled a stopper. As it is bitter, and it was necessary to save shampoo nevertheless, as well as matches, gas, electricity, I go also everything, giving in to economy.
Despite burning desire to sit down for work, Alexander did not begin to change plans – came into friendly shops. The pocket and soul were warmed by the money given by the master. Bought a new chain on a saw, couple of pleasant souvenirs: the globe, a metal flask for cognac, glass figures of fishes, pleased itself with the next lighter with the built-in small lamp which did not hurry to use, and did not fill with gas though the barrel providently got. Клот left everything saved up for the best times when it is not able to spoil a beautiful thing, to bedraggle it at rough physical works. Expecting hour of triumph of the owner, every month the next set of trinkets flew to a sideboard.
Admired the electronic measuring instrument of nitrates, counted the salary rest, damned its space price …. Still was enough on rubber, warmed by fur, boots. Similar purchases did not please the guy, but were constantly debugged need. “After I will take. And so was spent”. Together with a pocket also joy became scanty. Saving, Klot refused a trip in the bus. The benefit, was no place to hurry, and there was no wish to come back home. Having included a player, he started wandering through the city, cold, tired of winter, causing in memory of charming performers, remembering their clips. Quality and sense of songs were not taken into account, Alexander liked more that music which proceeded from more sexual, more beautiful little girl.
It fell into dreams again, without noticing that, quickened the pace, compressed cold metal of a lighter more and stronger, gesticulated hands and morally prepared for various situations in the future: “… How not to be exposed by the fool if the beauty with the microphone umostitsya unexpectedly at me on a lap, will embrace for shoulders, will touch by cheek eyelashes? What to do how to answer?” Alexander thought out, learned phrases for getting out of any possible awkwardness, said them aloud until he suddenly neither regained consciousness and nor was ashamed of the naive dreams. Trying to decrease, become invisible, Klot contracted, fear that someone will overhear his words, and, above all, thoughts, did not release. Being afraid to give a secret, it moved ahead as it is possible more slowly. Sometimes stopped, looked in ballot boxes – suddenly will carry as in movies: “Rich durashka exist: took and threw out a thick roll of money. Grew hysterical, and all here …, for someone the trifle will provide my existence”. What, of course, it was hardly trusted in. No, not in a find dense, with a special smell of packing – it is just possible, and here existence of the people having such money, besides loss of which will not be reflected in their lives in any way, will take also minutes of thoughts, will not cause regrets – this seemed a lie. Anyway, he persistently looked in the garbage tanks scattered along sidewalks of the city. Hopes about the secret fan of his creativity, certainly, very well-founded, gratuitously solving all its financial problems got out of the same opera. In turn Alexander promised not to be greedy and help deprived, but gifted. Such promises by all means had to hear unknown forces and add to it chances of execution of own desires. But, neither nutty durashka, nor secret admirers hurried to enter his life and to change something to the best. The destiny gave nothing to the guy at all though selected nothing. To Alexander never has the luck to find at least a small coin, but he never also lost them. Everything, being at its disposal, all he could count on, proceeded from its efforts. Exactly thanks to a neutrality of destiny, Klot also did not believe in her …. Around people loomed. Much of them were devilishly lucky, others choked in chronic misfortunes, and it and remained on a roadside, forgotten, not demanded by the third forces which for some reason persistently ignored it.
At last, after several hours of a tiresome travel the familiar alley conducting to anonymous small villages which in the district and not to consider seemed. So sharp transition from the city to poverty expelled from Alexander’s head the nonsenses decided for the road. Only two steps separated luxury of majestic high-rise buildings and huge mansions from dirty dirt roads of the village with the stocky izbas stretched on its edges. In the summer still anything: buyayushchy greens masked a dullness… Now all negligibility of the settlement which is not conceding in dullness to a lowering sky was covered with nothing. The curve houses which were lop-sided from an old age rolled in snowdrifts. … Seldom the roofs corrected by a color brick fences updated a metal tile – beauty crumbs demanding from owners of long years of physical work and scrupulous financial accumulation that did constructions even more disgusting, even more clearly shouting of senselessness of the works enclosed in them met.
Having got a cigarette, having checked pockets and not having found matches, Alexander curtailed to the next gate. It was necessary to go to the house a little, but to it was impatient to light right now. After ringing bark of a dog, on a threshold the hostess appeared.
– What?
– To Podkurit if it is possible…
– Into the yard come. Be not afraid, a chain at the Gipsy strong ….
The woman took out boxes of matches and, shrinking from cold, went back to the house.
In an own dwelling he was met by pictures of the same paints and the directions – the pathetic hovels menacing to collapse the most unexpected minute, which hardly are giving in to repair and reconstruction and it while before eyes there were big, fine, not crying decay mansions not thinking neither to burst, nor to collapse.
“Those to whom I build would define my house under demolition”. As Alexander tried to love the small shelter from wordly adversities, it looked very poorly.
About the rusted gate the Thunder dozed. Several cat’s heads stuck out of the box. On him, towering two whitish balls, several kittens umostitsya – so cozier it was fallen down by everything. Without wishing to drive small hot-water bottles, the Thunder slightly opened eyes, hardly moved with a tail.
– You sleep, you sleep, – Klot agreed with desire of the friend not to rise, allowed not to welcome himself.
Having appeared at the computer screen, the guy long peered at the flickering cursor of a new line – the initial rush to creativity cooled down, and the imagination idle dreams and intensive walking exhausted. There was a wish to have a rest – to esteem, listen to music, to watch favourite movies. “Why to me it is a lot of hobbies?” – Alexander sighed, without knowing what to give preference to.
“She waits. One. My Lita. For the sake of it I am obliged to try. Another I do not have. To throw everything, to recognize impossibility of our happiness? To be given?” The beautiful face of the girl, the last evening spent together was remembered. The room was filled with dead loneliness, and heart – pity to itself, on veins warm tenderness spread.
“It