“Litas”.
There were no other desires, there were no thoughts.
With arrival of evening wind woke up, blew into snow for a collar. Quickly darkened and though eyes got used, but the stiffened fingers – a sure sign to finish the working day.
…The gloom was dispersed below by automobile headlights, voices, someone’s laughter were heard.
“Customers arrived …", – Alexander noticed the cars parking on the parking, not less brilliant, getting out of them, owners. He did not understand neither brands, nor fashionable breeds, but knew for certain: dresses of the audience are below graceful and awfully expensive. “And women …. What is cost by women! Their skin, white without uniform defect, expensive jewelry, the shining laughter …, they precisely know about freedom firsthand. They have no problems neither with money, nor with something else. Do not know physical work, tasteless food and, precisely, get enough sleep, lay down to have a rest when takes in head, and are not afraid to oversleep …. Where to hurry? Where to spill out?”
People, finding the elevator, disappeared in a ladder aperture. But before their voices abated, Klot managed to catch the cost of the walls built by it. With rage the thrown trowel departed down. Everything, than he was proud to what it aspired, was nonsense, and the efforts which are daily fitted by it completely lost sense. All affairs filling its worlds, all thoughts long occupying the head, awaking in the middle of the night, forcing to dream, to move further were destroyed.
“Who will remember me in five years after death? Yes what there five years. To whom do I am interesting now? What I, in general, am engaged in?”
Alexander touched in the head everything pleasing him and by the nature of duty professions. Grabbed one, hasty rejected, hoping to find though something irreplaceable in the daily actions, looked for again: unfinished repair, tens of mastered professions, need to go every day to shop behind products and shortage of money for these products. The house – shabby, with the cracked walls which turned black from dampness corners, the thawed snow filtering into kitchen from the rotted-through ceiling, the plaster pouring from walls; internal furniture also not causing special delight. Furniture is old-fashioned, to pain cheap, got in inheritance. “Ten years passed, and I all am engaged in repair. Yes unless those, – Alexander began to boil, turning away from annoying headlights, – that entered the elevator which to me for the sake of economy forbid to use – on foot supposedly will walk – it is possible to interest in similar? They, in general, fall to the thoughts haunting me? Know about us? Run by a dog, well, and let – around there is a lot of them. Though for hundred works I will settle – nothing will change. Whether there is in work though some sense? Those, not switched off headlights, the accumulator are not sorry …, sit to themselves in heat at office, sign pieces of paper and do not know about the real work bringing disgust to soul, pain in joints. What they know about continuous attempts to escape in people, and all the same to remain the slave., where freedom: not to think, not to know. Not there I look for”.
By the way the woken-up memory gave for itself hope: “I write, so I will be able to find the same freedom as they”. But near an exit, oskudny joy, stood the daily need dictated by survival: sawmill, building, household chores. The place in the planned easy life was not them, but more time, than to creativity was found. “What is it? Disbelief in? Then why to write? If I trust, then to what the drag extending the road? To give time, to bend all efforts to achievement of goals and, having received the desirable, to forget, to leave by another everything grounding, preventing to live or release the imagination, to throw everything as is?”
Desire to come to be somewhat quicker at a table threw Klot down steps. At some point somewhere between flights Alexander caught a female voice, is juicy the stamping notes giving playfulness of the hostess. In it confidence, freedom, an ideal ringed. Without seeing the person speaking, Klot knew – the stranger is beautiful. Girls of the high society are always beautiful. If the nature during their creation was greedy on paints, they will be replaced with interest by expensive cosmetics, ideally picked up spirits, ability to put on, speak. Concede one of them in beauty to the most nice little girl from Alexander’s environment, all the same the overweight will remain on the party of the stranger, as well as overweight of a crane over a titmouse. And, for certain, appear an opportunity to rush to the sky for a noble bird – everyone will rush. Do not decide from what soaring in blue does not give chance, does not call for itself scanty sparrows.
Being afraid to come across clients, especially in the dressing its rags, Klot made the way to the opposite side of the building, went down on a spare ladder.
Ran in in a shower. Without noticing a poor locker room, cabins long ago demanding repair, Alexander mechanically put a uniform, took shampoo and a bast. His look passed through dirty walls, stopped somewhere in the distance, resting against bright future. Arrived haunted, awoke envy, warmed up impression, and, above all, did not hide, as they are people too, as they speak, laugh, so, can also hear and see it, of course, if he tries. “Why did not look at it? Perhaps later I will find… what voice! Really I will be able sometime to feel close breath of the similar girl, to hear the declaration of love burning heart, I will be able to touch her body, and she will not be discharged, having disgust, and on the contrary, will reciprocate, will demand proximity …?”
But also these dreams were a small part of the desirable – even more often in dreams near women, exactly as houses on posters in a bedroom and a hall that is with which, just met and did not stand nearby also his face flashed. It went further: “To the fortieth anniversary …. No, long. By thirty five years I will achieve unknown heights, the whole stadiums in honor of my anniversary will gather, even I will write the song and, wearily, not to refuse forces to the questioning public, I will execute it on a vseuslyshaniye. Girls, struyashchy the beauty from screens, learn about Alexander Klot’s existence, will begin to dream of my attention. We will change over, I will become the unattainable purpose, a riddle which they see each other to me now. Each of them will compose the song, having put music on my verses. During execution of a line will flare on a stadium board bright fire. This flame will go to eternity, but will not sink into it, and will take the worthy place there, and will burn to a skonchaniye of times. I will be always remembered. In recreation centers, on squares still lifetime monuments to my genius will tower. Alexander Klot …. And the pseudonym is not necessary to me, the fine accord…! The most famous and rich people will consider it as honor to reap my hand, in the face of millions will begin to look for my friendship, without turning away, without being ashamed, and being proud of acquaintance”. Newspapers will call him the most great creator of the present and it if does not surpass, then, at least, will rise near authors whom Klot more than once asked council which novels do not become dusty on shelves. Numerous societies of writers will urge to join their ranks, but it will remain the proud single. Lita will leave by then, without having understood, without having believed, without having waited. … The destiny wholly will pay off with the girl for treachery – will force to shed tears, to vegetate in poverty, damning itself and the inability to consider, support and to wait a little. “At first she will prefer richer, and as a result progadat: the elect will be ruined, and after and will become an inveterate drunkard …". And new mistresses of Alexander, and at once not one, will begin to look after, protect tremblingly him the genius, to indulge the slightest whims. He should not dream of other girls any more, they already will be others, the carrying-out any his desires about the half-words which are listening spellbound behind this half-word to it. Each phrase which took off from his lips will turn into infinitely quoted pearl …. “And they and now quietly live, perfectly look, with someone communicate, but not with me, they do not know me yet, but precisely wait, such present, genuine which, for certain, with the girl you will not mix, unlike their present fleeting, differently and cannot be, hobbies”. But the relations filled at the rapid nights without obligations were disturbed by physical