You are home for the holidays and your uncle has decided that the dinner table is an appropriate venue to call out your liberal ideologies.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: Depends on how uncomfortable you want to make dinner.
ROOT CAUSE: Fear. He is old and is witnessing profound social change he is powerless to stop. The irony that his parents felt exactly the same way about his generation is lost on him.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Fight back with words and facts, but never fists. When he inevitably attempts to dismiss your facts, point out that continuing this conversation is pointless. Then ask him to pass the gravy.
You are at a holiday “door-buster super sale” and someone has trampled you in a mad dash for a flatscreen TV on deep discount.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: Insanely high. We’ve all seen the YouTube videos.
ROOT CAUSE: Desperation? Thriftiness? We can’t say for certain, because we have pride and would never attend a fucking “door-buster super sale.”
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Reevaluate your life.
You have just been cut off in traffic.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: High. Traffic is one of life’s greatest stressors.
ROOT CAUSE: More than likely, the person being a terrible fucking driver.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Definitely not fighting. We’ve never understood the urge to leave your car to fight a dude in his—cars are basically 4,000-pound weapons. A solid, lengthy blast of the horn should suffice.
You are waiting in line when someone blatantly cuts in front of you.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: Low. If only because of the transitive property of conflict.
ROOT CAUSE: Tardiness, being from a different country, or perhaps general assholeishness.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: See above. If a person cuts ahead of you in line, they are cutting ahead of everyone behind you, too, and as such, you will not be the only one angered by the indiscretion. Lead with a firm “The end of the line is back there,” then wait for backup. It will always arrive.
Your roommate has taken your food from the fridge and eaten it.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: Moderate. You have to live with this person.
ROOT CAUSE: They are hungry and/or inconsiderate.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Confront them about it, but that’s all. Perhaps the only trait less becoming than aggressiveness is passive-aggressiveness.
You are walking down the street when a passerby shoulder-checks you from out of nowhere.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: If you’re in New York City, low. Shoulder-checking complete strangers is one of the secret delights of big city life (honestly, ask any New Yorker). If you’re anywhere else, high.
ROOT CAUSE: Perhaps that person is in a rush, or is looking at their phone, or is feeling particularly feisty.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Independent of geographic location, a good turn around, followed by a “Yo my man, watch where you’re going” is not only appropriate, but oddly satisfying.
You are at a sporting event and someone has disrespected your team.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: High.
ROOT CAUSE: Alcohol, 100%.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Tell him (it’s always a guy) to fuck off and/or sit down. That’s it. Never fight at a sporting event—your team wouldn’t engage in a physical altercation for you. The transitive property of conflict also applies here; let someone else throw the punches and get arrested.
Your special lady friend is getting in your face about something dumb you did.
POTENTIAL CONFLICT LEVEL: High—there is a chance this one could go on your permanent record.
ROOT CAUSE: You doing something dumb.
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: OK, this should go without saying, but NEVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN. There is no possible scenario involving a female that should warrant a physical response. Instead, always walk away. Later, apologize—again, we all know you did something dumb.
Unless you are employed as a tightrope walker, life’s most difficult balancing act is toeing the line between self-confidence and arrogance. The former is essential for success; the latter is essential for being a prick.
They’re really not that different, to be honest—after all, both self-confidence and arrogance take root in the same soil: your sense of self. What matters is how you choose to fertilize that soil. The more manure you mix in, the greater the likelihood your self-confidence will grow unchecked, until it inevitably blossoms into extreme arrogance.
And that’s where hubris comes in. If you don’t have a dictionary handy (or don’t remember dictionaries), hubris is a personality quality marked by foolish pride or dangerous overconfidence, and it’s a direct byproduct of arrogance. In Greek mythology, it was also an affront to the Gods, one that often earned a swift rebuke—like Icarus, whose homemade wings melted when he flew too close to the sun; or Arachne, who challenged Athena to a weaving contest and got turned into a spider.
In 2018, hubris won’t get you turned into an insect, but it might still get you killed (especially if you’re a professional tightrope walker) and will unquestionably turn you into an asshole. If you think about every single person you dislike, there’s a pretty good chance the reason you dislike them is hubris—they are too aggressive, cocky, competitive, delusional, overbearing, insincere, underqualified, egotistical, vain, vindictive, shallow or petty to be around for any length of time. Social media is fueled almost entirely by hubris. So are Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.
You might read that and think, “OK, but those are two of the most powerful men on the planet.” And you’d be correct—one is the president and the other is literally a James Bond villain. It does take a certain amount of hubris to ascend to humanity’s upper echelon. But it’s not an absolute requirement.
Look at Richard Branson. He has a net worth of $5 billion, and owns private islands and airlines and rocketships, yet are able to have a laugh at their own expense (Richard Branson is actually funny, too). That’s because he possesses a supreme level of self-confidence, founded in supreme self-awareness. In short, he doesn’t (or didn’t) believe the hype. That’s the key. Because if you know who you are, and are honest about your strengths and shortcomings, you are truly self-aware—and self-confident. Without that knowledge, hubris becomes second nature; you won’t know you’ve flown too close to the sun until your wings start melting.
So, yes, be confident—but be realistic. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for a spectacular undoing. Because there are always going to be moments in life where you come up short. If you are humble, you will always learn something from your failures. If you are hubristic, the only thing you’ll learn is that a whole