Understand there’s no right way to do it. There are a lot of wrong ways, though.
Wear a condom (did we say that already?).
Force anyone to do anything. Ever.
Lead them on.
Lie to get what you want.
Think sexting is automatically a precursor to the actual thing.
Have phone sex. FaceTime is better.
Pay for it.
Have sex for revenge or popularity.
Forget: It’s supposed to be fun.
Double-bag it.
Get too porn-y.
Jump right into the kinky stuff.
Just stick it in there, dude.
Judge.
Be afraid of a little something in your back door.
Ask if they’re about to get off.
Ask “How was I?”
Give unsolicited feedback.
Talk a big game, unless you’re prepared to back it up.
Do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Push their head down to initiate oral.
Film without consent, dick.
Attempt a “Friends with Benefits” situation. It won’t work.
Have sex in the shower without proper traction. Someone’s gonna get hurt.
69 unless you’re really comfortable with the other person.
Choke, bite, pull or smack—unless specifically instructed to do so.
Do anything for too long.
Just lie there. Most people don’t want to bang a corpse.
Turn sex into interpretive gymnastics. There are no bonus points for technical prowess.
Be too focused on penis size.
Bring up best friends. Trust us.
Push rope. If you need a moment, take one.
Get grossed out by bodily fluids or functions. They happen.
Laugh at unfortunate noises—unless your partner laughs at them first.
Suggest a threesome. Let it happen organically.
Assume you’re spending the night.
Assume you’re not.
Put yourself first.
Ignore the posted speed limit.
Rush the stroke.
Be Usain Bolt in the bedroom. Unless Usain Bolt is really good at sex. We don’t know.
Play with same stuff every time. Mix it up.
Believe everything your friends tell you.
Believe anything you see in a movie.
Text during sex.
Call them someone else’s name.
Fake it.
Forget to kiss.
Stare into their eyes the entire time.
Skip the shower beforehand.
Try to be someone else. You’re here for a reason.
Be a dictator. Sex is (at least) a two-person operation.
Get overly erotic. Not every toe must be sucked.
Think you gotta get tantric. Nobody wants to have sex for 8 hours.
Forget about the refractory period. Your boy needs a break!
Reference an ex.
Ghost. Unless it was abundantly clear this was a one-night stand.
Get mad if feelings develop. You’re pretty great, after all.
Be freaked out if you develop feelings. Congrats on not being a sociopath.
Presume “sex” is only limited to penetration.
Use the word “penetration.”
Subscribe to heteronormative assumptions. It’s 2019.
Read too deeply into what happens.
Grab ’em by the pussy.
Simple Ways to Not Suck at Sex
1. Be Yourself
Here’s your daily affirmation: You’re a good guy. Your partner presumably feels the same way—if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be your partner. Sex shouldn’t be an audition; if you’re having it, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve already gotten the part. So don’t pull out all the stops in an attempt to impress, don’t play a role (however: do role-play if the situation demands it) and don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It can be intimidating to consider the lengthy list of expectations society attaches to sex—most of us don’t have a 6-pack of abs or a 9-inch penis—so just skip the considering altogether. Be secure in the knowledge that your personality, wit and intelligence have gotten you this far, because that security breeds confidence—and confidence goes a long way. If you’re feeling yourself, your partner will too . . . and that’s a good way to guarantee you’ll both get off.
2. Take Your Time
We get it; you’re excited. But there’s no bigger mistake a guy can make than rushing things. One study found it takes anywhere from 15–40 minutes for the average woman to reach orgasm, and it’s not like you’ve got anywhere to be. Foreplay is your friend, but it shouldn’t begin in the bedroom. Be a gentleman beforehand, too, as it sets the stage for everything that comes next. When it’s time to get down to business, start slow. If she’s naked, tell her how she makes you feel. Kiss and caress the nape (that’s a fancy term for “the back”) of her neck, give a bite to her earlobe and gently brush the top, bottom and sides of her breasts—the areas around the areola are more sensitive at first—then move on to the nipples themselves. Don’t be afraid to show off a little strength, either, as a firm grab or a gnash will help remind her that you are, in fact, an actual man with muscles and everything (or at least let her live that fantasy). If you find that your foreplay game isn’t working out, ask her what she likes, and help her relax by reminding her that you’ve got all night. You’ve been building to this moment for a while now; you might as well enjoy it.
3. Go Down South
Continue moving down her body, until you reach her vagina . . . but don’t rush headlong into oral sex. Kiss her inner thighs and her inner and outer lips first, then use your tongue to work your way inside. Broad, firm strokes work well, and it’s important to pay attention to the way she responds. Her hips will hint at how well your rhythm is working (or if it isn’t), and if she grasps your head and holds it in place, don’t you dare move. Now’s the time to locate her clitoris, the small, button-y thing near the junction of her inner lips,