Here are some questions to help you explore your goals and ambitions as well as how you react to certain types of risks. Try answering these questions in writing here in this book, or make a dinner date with a friend and discuss these questions face to face:
Describe one of your number one goals. It can be big or small, personal or professional—anything that feels important to you. (I once led a goal-coaching workshop where one participant passionately exclaimed, “I want to rock a hat!”) Describe what it is and how amazing it’s going to feel once it’s happening or when you achieve it.
What are some things you need to do in order to achieve that goal? Make a list of action steps. Write down a number next to each step. (10 = Feels incredibly risky, OMG, I’m going to throw up. 1 = No problem, piece of cake.)
I tested out my barre classes at existing studios with a built-in clientele (small risk) before taking over someone else’s studio (bigger risk). After running that first studio for a while, I felt ready to open a second location (even bigger risk), and then a third, fourth, and fifth. Each of these was the biggest risk I could stomach at the time, until I felt ready to graduate to bigger risks. What about you? What are some smaller risks you could take in pursuit of your goal? You may have written down a few options in your response to the previous question. Can you think of anything else? Any other micro-risks you could take to inch forward?
Let’s say that one day you discover that you feel ready to take a bigger type of risk—whether that’s taking out a bank loan, making a change to a new career, or having an emotionally vulnerable conversation with your boss, your best friend, or your partner. If you take that big risk, what is the absolute worst thing that might happen?
What if your worst-case scenario actually does happen? Could you survive it? What would you do next? Could there be a silver lining? What might that be?
Nobody Can Do the Work for You
If you’re serious about achieving your goals, you’ve got to keep marching forward even when things get difficult. You have to show up and put in the work even when conditions are not perfect, even when you’re not feeling your best, even when it’s foggy and rainy outside, and even when setbacks arise.
Nobody can do the work for you. Yes, you can hire a personal trainer to help you reach your fitness goals, for example, but you’ve still got to lift weights, run, and sweat. That’s your work. Yes, you can hire an assistant to help manage your busy schedule, but you’ve still got to learn how to set boundaries and say “no” to commitments that aren’t right for you. That’s your work. There are certain types of work that you and only you must do. And sometimes, yes, it’s really flippin’ hard.
When I look back on the wild, stressful weeks leading up to the opening of the first Barre & Soul studio, I’m honestly not sure how we pulled it off. We tapped into unbelievable reserves of grit and grace, and somehow—with gallons of coffee, minimal sleep, and epic music playlists—we made it happen. But it required a massive amount of work, and there were so many hurdles to clear.
One of the biggest hurdles was renovating the studio and getting it ready for opening day. I was counting on my super-handy partner Jason to help make this happen, but then a couple days after I signed the lease, he found out he needed knee surgery. Just like that, he was out of commission. I didn’t have the budget to hire a non-boyfriend employee. I thought to myself, “Now what?”
But then, things took a surprising twist. A woman named Sam who regularly attended my yoga classes came up to me one night after class. “I heard the news. Congratulations on getting your own studio!” she told me. Then she mentioned that she’s an interior designer.
“I don’t know if you’d be interested in this, but if you need some help with the new studio, I’d love to be involved,” she said. “I could help you with painting, getting furniture, whatever you need. And if you don’t have the budget to pay me, I’d do it in exchange for a membership at the studio.”
After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told her, “Hell yes!”
A few days after that, I found a couple family members who worked in construction who I could hire at a reasonable rate to do a few of the tasks that Jason was originally going to do. Now I had Sam, my cousin, and my uncle on board. It was still going to be tricky to get the studio ready for opening day—which was rapidly approaching—but I knew we could do it. It wasn’t going to be easy to do everything while simultaneously taking care of my kids and helping Jason recover from surgery, but I was determined to make it happen. I kept telling myself, “I chose this. I signed up for this.” I knew, “This is the work that needs to get done.”
Sam and I pulled several late nights painting the walls, hanging shelves, installing cubbies and lockers, and drilling barres into the walls. She made some stellar playlists for those long, tiring nights, and she was the person who introduced me to the Irish singer-songwriter Hozier. Hozier has become possibly my favorite artist ever, and his music was my personal soundtrack for the next couple of years. In spite of the long hours of hard work, those are fond memories now.
We finished the studio just in the nick of time. On opening
day, longtime students, curious neighbors, friends, and family flowed through the door to check out the new space. As each
new face popped into the doorway, I thought to myself, “This is really happening!” The world’s first Barre & Soul studio was open
for business.
There were so many moments along the way when I wanted to cry, give up, take a nap, drink a large bottle of vodka, hide, or curl into a ball…you get the idea. Opening that first studio was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
But I’ve learned that’s what it takes to achieve any kind of meaningful goal. You’ve got to keep showing up and putting in the work even when you don’t feel like it, even when you’re anxious, and even when it’s not your best day. One more step forward, even when it’s tough: that’s the definition of grit.
Keep Swimming Forward
During the 2016 Olympics in Rio, a young swimmer named Yusra Mardini competed in the hundred-meter freestyle and the hundred-meter butterfly. She was then eighteen years old, and she is a Syrian refugee. When a journalist asked about her training regime, Yusra politely explained that sometimes it was difficult to practice in the swimming pool back in Syria because, you know, bombs would come and tear holes in the ceiling—that sort of thing. But that didn’t stop Yusra from training and making it to the Olympics. She concluded the interview by adding, “When you have a problem in your life, that doesn’t mean you have to sit around and cry like babies or something.”
Yusra’s invincible attitude is so inspiring to me. But she’s not superhuman. She’s a human being, just like you or me. The type of grit that Yusra has inside her heart—that ability to keep swimming forward, no matter what—is something that I believe we all have, every single one of us. We just have to dig deep and decide to use it.
Write & Discuss: You’ve Got More
Grit Than You Think
Often, we think to ourselves, “Well, other people are strong and brave, but not me. Other people can persevere no matter what, but not me. I don’t have that kind of grit. I wish I did, but I don’t. I’m kind of a wimp.”
But maybe that’s completely untrue. Maybe you’re tougher than you think.
If you reflect back on your life—all of your experiences, your struggles, your achievements—I bet you can come up with at least one situation where you demonstrated considerable grit.
Maybe you didn’t think you could withstand the pain of childbirth—but you did it.
Maybe you didn’t think you’d survive your first week at your new job—but you did it.
Maybe