Sara. I have definitely felt aimless and was not sure of my purpose at seventeen, to be exact. The biggest advice is: get moving! Do not stay still. When you are hungry for anything, you do not stay still. Move. Take action on the first one or two things you love to do. Find mentors via social media. Go on Eventbrite and search up events in the topics you are most interested in. Ask questions. Create, even if you are not 100 percent confident in what you create.
Andrea. Ellen DeGeneres is building a legacy of laughter and kindness. Barack Obama’s legacy is one of hope and optimism. My legacy is to inspire women to take charge of their lives, stop waiting for permission, stop waiting to be rescued, and pursue whatever they want. If you had to sum up your own legacy in a few words or sentences, how would you describe it?
Sara. I am undocumented, so my legacy is one of resilience and of exceeding expectations placed over how successful one can be based on [one’s] identity, culture, and/or any limitations. [After I’m gone,] I hope they say I was a leader who created leaders and that I left open spaces for women of color, women in general, and youth to feel they can change the world too.
Own Your Goals: Review
1. What are your top three goals right now?
2. What are some negative thoughts that pop into your head periodically? (“I don’t know how,” “I’m not disciplined enough,”
“It’s not the right time,” etc.)
3. When those thoughts arise, how will you challenge them? How will you change the conversation so that you can replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones?
4. Are there areas where you feel stuck because of something you don’t know? What questions, if answered, could help you get unstuck? Write them down. Who could you ask who might be able to answer them or point you toward someone who can answer them?
5. Who have you already told about your goal(s)? Who are three more people you could tell?
6. What are some of the creative, emotional, and/or financial risks that you need to take in order to achieve your goals?
7. What’s the biggest risk you can tolerate taking right now?
The Keys to Owning Your Goals
•Embrace envy and get honest about what you really want.
•Tell someone! Sharing is a powerful first step.
•Rewrite your negative thoughts and replace them with positive statements—then start saying them out loud to others.
•Determine the biggest risk you can tolerate right now that will move you toward your goal.
•Do it! Forget “someday”—get started now.
Own Your Time
Inside This Chapter
•The exact number of minutes that you’ll probably be alive.
•How to determine where your time should be going, and where it should not be going.
•How to start saying “no” to commitments that feel like a pointless expenditure of your time, or that feel mis-aligned with your values.
•How to start delegating, even if it makes you uncomfortable at first.
•The sneaky way that indecisiveness steals away your time and energy.
•How to take responsibility for where your time is going, prioritize like a boss, and redirect your time toward the goals and experiences that really matter to you.
The Clock Is Ticking
If you’re very lucky, you’ll be alive for about one hundred years. That’s 52,560,000 minutes.
The average human lifespan is more like seventy-five years. That’s 39,420,000 minutes.
Millions of your minutes have already been used up at this point. Where are the rest of your minutes going? This can be a startling question, but it’s such an important one.
At a very basic level, taking ownership of your life means taking ownership of your time. It means taking personal responsibility for where your time is going. It means spending your time intentionally, focusing on things you really want to be doing. It means cutting out distractions and pointless commitments.
Taking ownership of your time is not easy to do. It’s something I still work on every day. As my kids grow older, as my business expands, as my personal priorities shift, and as new challenges arise, there’s always more fine-tuning that needs to be done. Like yoga, taking ownership of your time is an ongoing practice.
We live in a society where people—particularly women—are constantly interrupted, derailed from their work, asked to do special favors, and expected to do extra chores.
We’re supposed to drop everything and be available at a moment’s notice if a colleague, partner, or kid needs something. We’re expected to make our own needs secondary to everybody else’s. Every day, in big and small ways, we’re asked to give our time away: one more carpooling trip; one more errand; one more email; one more phone call to discuss tonight’s dinner plans or weekend activities. Often, our knee-jerk response is, “No problem. I’ll be there. Consider it done.”
Year after year, all that time adds up. One day, you blow out the candles on your thirty-second or fifty-ninth or seventy-eighth birthday cake, and you wonder, “Whoa. Here I am. Where did all of that time go?” There was a point in my life when I woke up and realized, “I’m not happy with how I’m spending my time. I need to make a big change.” It was an uncomfortable realization—and it all started with a pair of khaki slacks*.
*Yes, slacks. Because you need to know these weren’t just your average “pants.” These were straight-up “slacks.”
The Story of the Khaki Slacks
During this particular era of my life, I was dating a guy who was devoutly Catholic. I was raised Catholic too, but observing all of the Catholic rituals was never that important to me. I’d always preferred to have my own personal sense of spirituality. Organized religion had never been my thing.
But Catholicism was extremely important to him, and to both of our families, so…I pretended that I was interested. I figured I could adapt. I could become the type of woman that he wanted. (Spoiler alert: this is never a great way to begin a new relationship!)
During the time that we were together, Catholicism consumed a huge percentage of my time and mental energy. We went to mass every week. I sent my son to Catholic school, even though it wasn’t the ideal environment for him. I allowed myself to be pressured into volunteering for all kinds of Catholic school committees—like serving hot lunch in the cafeteria. Whatever the church asked me to do, I said, “No problem. I’ll be there.”
I want to be very clear: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with getting involved in your local church—or your local temple, mosque, meditation center, or any other spiritual center that calls to you. If going to church brings you joy, then it’s absolutely something you should do. If you love it, be part of it. The problem is…I didn’t love it. I didn’t even like it. I wasn’t genuinely interested in this particular church and its teachings. I was just desperately trying to fit in.
I wanted my boyfriend, his family, and the people in our neighborhood to think that I belonged, that I was a good mom and a good woman. I wanted to earn their admiration and respect. Participating in these activities became a daily performance that I put on, like putting on a mask. It wasn’t coming from my heart. It was all for show.
Looking back now, I’d say I poured hundreds of hours of my life into church-related commitments and activities.