“Personalization”
The last “P” is personalization. There is a huge difference between how optimists and pessimists attribute cause to events. When bad things happen, pessimists assume they personally caused it. Optimists assume it was just bad luck or bad circumstances. On the other hand, when good things happen, pessimists assume it was just “dumb luck.” Optimists, however, internalize a sense of achievement and give themselves credit for their role in success.
Katie, the mom of Scott, the former quality assurance tester, recalled a game she created to motivate and reward learning manners. This is a great example of one simple way to both reinforce specific skills and internalize a child’s sense of personal accomplishment. Scott’s mom made up “the manners game,” which was played at the dinner table at least once every week.
I’d place two nickels in front of each person’s place setting. Then I’d pick one table manner I wanted to teach—one week not chewing with your mouth open, another not putting your elbows on the table, and so forth. I made it a fun game and my husband and I played along, even making mistakes on purpose to give Scott and his siblings a chance to spot them. Every time a child spotted a mistake, they were awarded one of the nickels belonging to the person who made the mistake. They got to keep it and save or spend it. But if they made a mistake, they lost a nickel and there was no arguing or whining allowed. The kids found the game very motivating and didn’t realize they were learning rules and attitudes—they just liked the treat of having game night.
The Critical Impact of Mentors
A very important ingredient in every personal profile in Chapter 1 was that each individual had at least one parent, teacher, neighbor, employer, or other mentor to guide them. These adults blended being a positive role model, a source of advice or information, and someone who expected effort and accountability.
These folks weren’t professionals and they didn’t necessarily know about autism, but they recognized the uniqueness of each child and sensed their areas of need. They created opportunities to both nurture and instruct the child. They saw the best in each youngster, even when that child couldn’t see it for themselves. And when the child felt that appreciation, it stayed in their hearts forever.
Listening to the stories of those who were profiled, it was really obvious how fondly they remembered their mentors. Some stayed in touch with them for many years. It was clear that even those who have lost touch treasure the memories of their time together. Interviews with mentors were also often powerful and moving. More than one mentor shed tears as they told their stories and then heard how important they had been.
Mentors Who Were Friends or Teachers
Martha, the science department clerk now in her 50s, talked about a nurturing mentor she first met as a little girl. She stayed in contact with her even into her college years.
When I was little, my father’s woman friend Mary took a lot of interest in me. She helped me feel loved when I was not getting that at home. She provided me an ear for my sorrows about my upbringing, about bullying at home and school, and about my loneliness. My mother had died when I was three, and my father and his mother raised me. Mary was the only person who made me feel like I was a special and unique person. When I went to college, I lived close enough to her to visit on weekends. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in economics and was an excellent student. But I was bullied throughout, so Mary was a welcome respite. I always felt safe with her.
Several mentors were teachers. These educators seemed to combine passion for their avocation, commitment to the student, and a creative approach to matching each child’s unique mind to the subject matter at hand.
Sarah, now 36 and a wildlife biologist, was eager to talk about Mr. Shanks, her middle school ecology teacher, and Mrs. Letsos, her middle school math teacher.
Mr. Shanks reinforced my budding love of nature! His positive influence encouraged my creativity. He was always enthusiastic and appreciative of me. He exposed me to ideas about ecology and also, like my father, to Native American ideas. My math teacher, Mrs. Letsos, recognized and used my growing interests in nature to help me learn. She applied math functions to shapes found in plants and animals, which was by now something I loved. So she always had my attention in class!
Cosette, who recently graduated from high school, remembers how important her sixth grade teacher was to both her and her classmates.
Mrs. Warner was the teacher that understood my autism the best. Before her, most other teachers could scarcely believe that I had autism. That’s because I seemed to function perfectly most of the time and I was very smart. But my behavior was erratic, and I had terrible fits of anxiety and outbursts of strong emotion. Mrs. Warner not only believed me, she also educated the other kids about what I had. After that the kids didn’t try to bully me or mock me for my erratic behavior like I had experienced in earlier elementary school grades. Now they were on my side and supported me through my sixth grade year.
The Mathematics of Plants—Making Science Relevant to a Student
Sarah’s science teacher, Mrs. Marilyn Letsos, has a love and appreciation of how math intersects with the natural world. Her passion was immediately evident in talking with her. She eagerly yet patiently described how nature’s spirals, such as snail shells and sunflower blooms, follow a mathematical principle known as the Fibonacci sequence, adding, “Nature is so full of wonderful mathematical phenomena. There are lots of geometric shapes in nature.”
Mrs. Letsos also recognized the value of having her students do more than listen. She had them physically experience math, which is vital for visual thinkers on the autism spectrum.
To teach how the tilt of the earth causes the seasons, I would have the students actually go out and check the time the sun came up and what time it set each day. Then they would measure how much it changed from day to day. I’d also have them go outside and measure the shadows of things such as trees and tall buildings. This taught them angles and geometry.
She had a natural appreciation for the challenges some students faced in math class. She related that she herself “hated” math as a child. On her classroom wall she displayed a large poster picturing Albert Einstein and his quote, “Do not worry if you have problems with mathematics. I can assure you mine are much worse.” Perhaps most importantly, this was a teacher who valued each child’s uniqueness and whose goal was to help students reach their individual potential.
As a child myself, I didn’t “get it” the way math was presented. But as a middle school teacher, I had to teach it! Once I started teaching it, I loved it. I loved it because it was actually fun and interesting! I realized that there are many valid ways to approach and solve a problem, and I could see how important it is to validate my students’ thinking —especially if it was original—even if it didn’t match the approach given in the textbook.
I would give them some sort of puzzle they had to work out in small groups. Each student would approach the problem differently, and that made it even more powerful because they could see how a problem can be solved in more than one way. They could also see how important their contribution was to the process, even if they didn’t come up with the final solution.
Every one of our brains is unique and works differently. But they can all make valuable contributions and we need them all! I tried to foster a personal sense of confidence and appreciation, in each child, for their own thinking process and sense of logic. My deep desire was to make their education a tool of empowerment. Otherwise, we don’t have any business keeping them in school unless it serves their self-realization. Then they can serve others and become truly orderly, productive, contributing members of society.
Getting Families and Schools to Work Together
It does take a village.