Her teachers, however, thought Marina was a “problem” and considered her “rebellious” because she wouldn’t always verbally respond to them. In sixth grade, the principal told Marina’s mother her daughter would no longer be allowed to attend his school because they were unable to help her. Her mother decided to find a different route.
I knew Marina was smart, but her anxiety and daydreaming kept her from learning. I finally started home schooling her. We spent time on the computer, and that suddenly opened a whole new world to her— she could view, learn about, and even buy things! She started reading others’ opinions, got exposure to other lifestyles and interests, and enjoyed educating and entertaining herself through the Internet.
Yet, today, Marina’s mother looks back and wishes she had done even more.
I wish I had pushed harder. I wish I had forced the school system to help. I wish I had acquired more knowledge to help Marina. I wish I had pushed her a little harder and put her into situations that would have taught social skills—maybe speaking, drama, or etiquette classes. I think I sometimes made excuses for her. I could have pushed her more to explain her thoughts or feelings. All children should be encouraged and nudged to do well. Until something is tried, you’ll never know what a child or adult is capable of. Children will become adults. They must function safely within society.
Marina has built a satisfying life that includes a husband and daughter. She makes contributions to her community and to the family’s finances, and is continuing her education.
I run a volunteer feeding program for the homeless every Saturday. We do it as a family. I also just recently started volunteering at the SPCA. I really enjoy helping people. It makes me feel really good that I am a positive force in someone else’s life—that I’m helping make someone’s life a little better. Having a strong adherence to routines helps me get up and out when I otherwise don’t feel like it. When I’m sick or fatigued I am able to push past that because it’s Saturday and we have to feed the homeless today.
I have always had an interest in astronomy since my childhood. My older sister bought us a computer when I was 14 and she got us connected to the Internet via dial up and AOL. At first we didn’t really understand the Internet—we would just click on whatever links popped up on the home page. Then we discovered the search engine feature.
I started researching anything I had questions about—a very wide variety of topics from the behavior of wolves to boa constrictors, Nile monitors, and komodo dragons, as well as fish and game regulations, gun laws, infectious diseases, neurology, and forensic anthropology.
Then I happened to watch a movie about physics and became interested in that. After further Internet research, I discovered and became fascinated with astrophysics. Right now I’m in my second year at a community college, majoring in physics, and doing well. I still find it hard to concentrate in a classroom though, so I rely primarily on textbooks and the Internet to understand material. I’m really fascinated by the universe and want to transfer to UC Berkeley when I finish here. I plan to major in Astrophysics with a minor in Computer Science.
I take care of the entire bill-paying for the family and it’s my job to plan our budget. I enjoy budgeting and managing our finances. Learning as a kid to create shopping lists and use a calculator paid off. Right now my financial contribution to the family comes from breeding and selling rats—another subject I also learned from various Internet sites.
JAIME, 35
From Coder to Project Manager, to Business Analyst at a large technology company Diagnosed with PDD-NOS/High Functioning Autism
Jaime has found success with one of the world’s largest technology companies. His work involves almost daily interactions with others, which he still finds challenging. He enjoys the routine of his job and he likes the pay. As he’s been there longer, however, he’s started to wish his tasks were even more technical, and feels that he is not utilizing all of his skills.
Being on the autism spectrum actually helps me in my job. I am meticulous about anything technical. I am also able to view problems and solutions with a completely different perspective than others.
Earlier in his life, Jaime’s school performance looked fine to outsiders, but he knew that he was not putting forth effort that matched his abilities. He managed to get by, and even received some awards because he is very bright. But he wasn’t motivated and often didn’t even bother to read assignments fully.
I was smart and could get B’s in classes without even reading the full chapters of school textbooks. I thought I was “too smart to study.” At the time that was satisfactory to me. I underachieved.
Moreover, he said he was always the social outsider and was subjected to bullying.
I was always the outcast and I was never confident within groups. I got teased a lot. The kids taunted me with names like “cabezon” (big head) and “orejon” (big ears). I eventually learned that the opinions and actions of bullies don’t matter. After gaining that confidence, it was much easier to avoid them.
It probably didn’t help that Jaime struggled with neurological glitches that sometimes made it difficult to process incoming information and to regulate motor skills.
As a child I struggled to process what others were trying to tell me. I was also challenged with motor apraxia—a neurological condition that makes it hard to plan or produce body movements upon request or command. These are still areas that require great effort to deal with. I make sure to really absorb what someone is telling me before I respond.
Now, as an adult, Jaime has been in a live-in, committed relationship for the past four years. He credits his girlfriend as his greatest positive influence. Socially, he says he was always an introvert and still prefers just a small number of friends.
My partner has helped me so much in understanding NT (neurotypical) mentality. She explains the “whys” with logic and rationale in addition to appealing to my sensibilities. With a lot of training, she has helped me perform mundane tasks in a logical fashion, meanwhile acknowledging my unique talents.
Because I find it difficult to understand social contexts and cues, my attempts at increasing my social world have not really worked out well. I prefer to have just a few friends. These friends do not seem to care about adhering to social norms and they accept me for my uniqueness.
Jaime has also struggled with problems in his relationship that resulted from his intense interest in online video gaming.
I enjoy playing online games and it sometimes becomes a problem. My partner noticed that I get too zoned into the game, and she has brought it to my attention. Once I am in the game, I cannot easily leave its grasp on my attention. She has helped teach me how to pay attention to what other things are going on around me in addition to the game.
Jaime lives independently and finds some aspects of adult life easier than others.
I have never had any difficulty living on my own. I manage my money and do quite well at it. I shop for myself but do have difficulty discerning what is fashionable and what is not. I taught myself enough cooking to get by, but rarely do it. My housekeeping isn’t exactly spotless, but my places of residence were never really messy. I don’t notice minor splotches or messes when vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom, but I’ve improved over time in that area.
MARTHA, 57
Clerk in the Science Department at Sacramento City College Diagnosed with Asperger’s
In my mid 30s a therapist I was seeing told me I might have Asperger’s and I asked him what I could do about it. He said, “Nothing.” At that time there was no Internet and it did not occur to me to research it further. Since “nothing could be done about it,” I thought the diagnosis was useless at the time and just put it out of my mind. Then a few years later I heard about Asperger’s again during an NPR story about Temple Grandin. By then, I was able to go online to learn more. I realized I had finally found the explanation for the difficulties I have had all my life.