CONSIDER YOUR EDUCATION AND WORK HISTORY
The first step to your financial independence is to objectively evaluate the skills you developed in the past that you can use now to get back to work. Over the next months, you will obtain additional education or training if needed, work on your résumé, and build a network to find or create the right job. Right now, brainstorm about your skill set and how it matches up with the current work environment. Envision what you want to be doing five years from now so that you can get what you need to make that goal a reality.
MATCH YOUR SKILLS TO THE CURRENT LABOR MARKET
How can you apply your education and skills to today’s labor market? There are so many opportunities to work remotely now. How can you use your skills to create a job for yourself that suits your current needs? For example, if you have school-age children, can you work from home so that you can be available to them when they arrive home from school? A client had taught school in Mexico before getting married and moving to the United States. She tutored local kids who needed help with Spanish and eventually grew her stay-at-home business into a successful enterprise employing several other tutors, whom she supervised. Another client worked in the health-care industry brokering insurance contracts for a large company. After she finalized her divorce, she set up her own online insurance brokering business using her skills and contacts. What can you create that will give you the income you need and the flexibility to live the life you want to live? Brainstorm now, and later chapters will provide specific steps and tools to turn that dream into a reality.
CONSIDER ADDITIONAL EDUCATION AND TRAINING
If you have been out of the workforce for a lengthy period, do you need education and/or training to bring your skills up-to-date? I had a client who had been a speech therapist for fifteen years before she stopped working to raise two children. She did some research and learned that it would take a year and approximately $3,500 for her to obtain the necessary certifications to begin working again as a speech therapist. We used that information to negotiate adequate support to give her the time and resources she needed to get back to work in a career that she was passionate about. Search your previous areas of expertise online to determine whether additional certifications and education are required to get back to work.
NETWORK TO MAKE CONNECTIONS
There is no substitute for networking. When you are getting back to work, it requires a certain vulnerability to let people know that you are looking, especially if you have been out of the workforce for a while — but the rewards are huge. Take the risk. My story is illustrative. I got divorced during a recession, and law firms were not hiring — they were firing. I knew that I would not be able to earn a living as I had in the past. I began making lunch and coffee dates with anyone I could think of who might have contacts in the legal community, so that I could get the word out that I wanted to get back to work. Through a series of those lunches and coffees, I was connected to the dean of a local law school. I expressed a desire to teach, something I hadn’t done before. A few weeks later, on New Year’s Day, the dean emailed me that one of the legal writing teachers was ill and couldn’t teach that semester. He asked if I would step in. I did — one week before classes began. Although it was scary, I loved it. It took me out of my comfort zone, I learned I could do it, and I enjoyed being of service to the students — a win-win situation. You never know what opportunities are out there until you ask and show up. Take these steps now to get the word out that you are interested in getting back to work:
• Set up coffee or lunch with three friends to brainstorm about your skill set and explore what opportunities are available.
• End each meeting by asking each friend to recommend one other person you might speak with.
• Make sure to send thank-you notes or emails to people who meet with you and remind them to provide any other helpful contacts.
• On your computer or in a notebook, keep track of those you meet with and the outcome of each discussion. Use this document to add contacts, phone numbers, and email addresses of anyone who may assist you as you build your network.
Recommended Resources for Finding Work You Love
• Richard Bolles, What Color Is Your Parachute? 2018: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers (Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press, 2017): This helpful manual shares proven tips for writing impressive résumés and cover letters, as well as guidance for effective networking, confident interviewing, and the best salary negotiating possible. But it goes beyond that by helping you to zero in on your ideal job — and guiding you toward fulfilling and prosperous work.
• Chris Guillebeau, Born for This: How to Find the Work You Were Meant to Do (New York: Crown Business, 2016): The intersection of joy, money, and flow is what Guillebeau will help you find in this book. Through inspiring stories of those who have successfully landed their dream career, as well as actionable tools, exercises, and thought experiments, he’ll guide you through today’s vast menu of career options to discover the work perfectly suited to your unique interests, skills, and experiences.
• Women for Hire (www.womenforhire.com): This site is geared to women returning to the workforce.
• PathSource (www.pathsource.com): Find a career, build a résumé, and post a job on this site.
• More (www.more.com/money/career-advice): A magazine roundup of career advice for women.
• DailyWorth (www.dailyworth.com): Financial advice geared to women.
The greatest gift you can give your children now is your mindful awareness of how they are feeling. Children faced with divorce need to know that they are safe and loved, by both parents. Even if your husband is a louse, do not bad-mouth him in front of your children. It will backfire. And do not use your children as therapists, even if they seem capable of listening and giving good advice. That is what a therapist is for. Let your children be children, while you attend to grown-up tasks.
WISE WOMEN KNOW
You are only as happy as your least-happy child.
DOCUMENT ANY INSTANCES OF ABUSE
Judges consider domestic violence (against you or your children) when making custody orders. Keep a diary of any instances of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse of you or your children with specific reference to dates, times, places, and details of what happened. In the legal system, specificity is required to prove your case. General allegations of abuse will not meet the legal standard. Your lawyer will ask you to keep a written record if abuse is an issue in your case, so start now.
MAXIMIZE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Maximize your time with your children as you prepare for divorce. This is not only the right thing to do, it is the smart thing to do. Judges tend to enforce the status quo when making orders concerning custody and visitation and when ordering parenting plans, which means a judge is likely to maintain the parenting routine that is in place, absent abuse. So, before you file for divorce, implement the plan you want ordered. I had a client who changed her work schedule to allow her to work from home several days a week and spend more time with her five-year-old daughter. When the judge ordered the parenting plan, my client benefited greatly from the changes to her schedule that she implemented before