‘You shouldn’t have had a child, then,’ I muttered as she walked away.
It was my new A level timetable, which I’ve been avoiding since it arrived three weeks ago. I’m taking Art & Design, English, French, Maths, Biology. Yes, that is five instead of four, and no, I’m not one of those super-intelligent and slightly unbalanced students who really enjoy learning and go to after-school clubs.
CONFESSION: I only really took Biology because Leon was taking it.
WHO AM I?????
Even writing it down makes me feel dirty. I rationalised that otherwise we wouldn’t have had any of the same subjects (he’s taking History, Politics, German and Biology). I didn’t want to give up anything I wanted to do, so I just… took an extra one.
Mum was all,
‘Are you sure that’s not too many, Emma?’
‘Are you sure you actually want to take Biology, Emma?’
‘Since when did you like touching dead animals, Emma?’ And I was all,
‘It’s not too many, Mum.’
‘I can handle it, Mum.’
‘Of course I want to take Biology. Why else would I be doing it, Mum?’
EVIDENCE: Heed my warning. DO NOT make life decisions that will actually affect your future based around someone you like. Even if you think you may ‘love’ them. It is not worth it. You will end up like me. I am doing a whole extra AS level because I am an idiot.
posted by EditingEmma 22.25
I was just contemplating which series to start from the beginning yet again, when…
Laurence: hi
.…What’s this?!
Emma: hey
Has he hit his head? Does he not remember that I am a strange stalker?
Emma: you ok?
Laurence: yeah you?
Emma: I’m good thanks
Laurence: I got the name of my dentist off my mum…;)
Is he being nice about yesterday?
Emma: haha… thanks
Laurence: now you can have teeth as nice as mine
Emma: I’m not sure they’ll ever measure up
Laurence: haha. Do you want it?
Or does he really think I want his dentist’s number?
Emma: er sure ta
Laurence: you’ll have to get it off me in person Oh. I see.
Emma: I see
Laurence: do you want to go to the cinema tomorrow?
Emma: sure
Laurence: ok, meet me there at 7, I’ll get the tickets
Emma: cool see you then
Laurence: see you tomorrow
And the investigations are back on track!! Interesting. Very interesting. I’m quite taken aback.
Evidence: Technology nerds don’t scare easily.
So, I have a date tomorrow… I hope he doesn’t mind that I’m in love with someone else. Or that he’s a case study. Going to sleep now. I feel marginally better about life. (Marginally.)
posted by EditingEmma 10.10
Up bright and early. I’m not really nervous. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Before seeing Leon, I used to shake like a leaf and feel sick. Even though I saw him a lot.
I miss him.
I wonder how often he sees Anna? I mean Apple?
posted by EditingEmma 11.37
I was looking through pictures of Leon on my phone when I realised something that I’ve never noticed before… he has quite a small head. And I have quite a large one. What was I thinking?? Trying to make a relationship work with someone who has such a smaller head than me??? I pointed this out to Mum.
She replied, ‘Yes, that’s probably why it didn’t work out. He was afraid of your big, beefy skull.’
Must snap out of this. Focus on tonight. I’m Louis Theroux, I’m Louis Theroux.
posted by EditingEmma 18.07
I can’t seem to motivate myself to put on make-up. Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing fun about it any more, it’s just some cruel necessity… and I’m only sixteen. What am I going to feel like when I’m twenty-six? Thirty-six?
Mum came in and stared at me staring at the mirror.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Feeling resentful that half the population don’t feel pressured to waste time and energy painting their faces every day.’
‘You could stop doing it.’
‘Then I’d feel bad about myself because I’d look worse than everyone else. It will only work if every single woman on the planet puts down their eyeliner and says, “no, this is what I look like, and this is how I am.”’
‘Someone’s got to start the revolution.’
‘Will you join me?’
‘No.’
posted by EditingEmma 18.41
I suppose, if there is one small consolation to the injustice of dreary, habitual make-up, it’s that I can cover up my stye. OK… I’m off on my ‘date’ now. Maybe it will actually be magical and we’ll have lots of sex and terrifying babies that look like Chad Kroeger.
posted by EditingEmma 22:14
My ‘Date’: A Play By Play
Magical is definitely not the word I would use to describe tonight.
7 PM: I arrive at the cinema and Laurence is already waiting there, swaying awkwardly from side to side with his hands in his pockets. He’s wearing baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt with some sort of cartoon dog on it. It’s a look, I guess. I walk over to him.
‘Hi!’ I say.
‘Hi.’
Silence.
‘So, you got the tickets OK?’
He nods.
‘How much do I owe you?’
He shakes his head.
‘Oh, well, I’ll buy you some popcorn or something.’
He shrugs.
7.20 PM: We are probably in the seats by now. Conversation has been minimal so far. Minimal to the point of… well, nonexistent. I tried a few topics and got mainly head twitches and grunts in response.
7.30 PM: Just before the movie starts.
‘Do you want a Minstrel?’ Laurence asks.
Yes!!