Steph throws her crisps up in the air.
I duck.
Faith is the only person who remains even slightly within the realm of a normal person, and looks indifferently out of the window.
‘Emma… Emma…you know, they can still see you,’ whispers Faith.
So I stand up pretending I’ve dropped some sort of invisible object on the floor… Then Laurence leaves, presumably to return to his inner sanctum, and Leon goes back to sit with his mates. From then on, he keeps looking over in our direction with a very serious face.
11.15 AM: The crowds are all cramming through the door to leave and, out of nowhere, Laurence pops up. (He must have been hiding…) He smiles at me and brandishes a bag of Minstrels.
‘Hi, Laurence.’
More silent smiling and Minstrel offering.
‘Err… thanks.’
ANALYSIS OF EVENTFUL BREAK
1. Is Laurence Myer going to keep bringing me Minstrels at break but say nothing, and think this qualifies as a relationship?
2. What did Laurence say to Leon?! Does Leon know about my ‘date’??
3. Does he care?
4. Even if he does care, should I care that he cares?
posted by EditingEmma 11.45
In Maths nomming on delicious Minstrels. OK, so conversation might not be stimulating, but I sure would be well fed…
As I was writing this, Mr Crispin walked past and complimented me on my concentration (on my phone, under my desk). Well, actually what he said was, ‘Emma’s hungry for the hidden values!’
posted by EditingEmma 12.01
Why I Stopped Reading Frankenstein
‘Did everyone read Frankenstein over summer?’ Ms Parker asks, at the beginning of English. There is a dreary murmur in confirmation.
‘Did you really, Emma?’ Ms Parker smiles at me.
‘I did,’ I say.
Not exactly a lie… I started it, but I never finished. For about a week afterwards, I had dreams that I was the monster and parts of me kept falling off. In one of them I was on a beach, and Leon was picking up the bits of me, like my foot or my nose, and lobbing them into the sea. And I was crying and crying for him to stop and he wouldn’t. Then I went to Gracie’s house, and she asked me to leave because I was just ‘too ugly to look at’.
posted by EditingEmma 12.33
A screenshot of mine and Steph’s WhatsApping in English:
Did you know that Laurence talked to Leon? 12.19
No 12.19
Who knew?? 12.19
You know, just because you’d never talked to Laurence before, it doesn’t mean that no one else ever did 12.20
I sense that I’m annoying you… 12.20
. . . But I’m carrying on. Do you think Leon will be in our Biology class? 12.24
I’m not psychic 12.25
I’m glad we’re together, anyway 12.25
Me too 12.26
Are you actually? 12.26
Not if you keep talking about Leon 12.26
Point taken. Sorry, I’m really nervous 12.26
If he’s there it will be awkward. But at least Crazy Holly will be there, too 12.27
How does that help? 12.27
It’s impossible to feel awkward around Crazy Holly 12.28
True 12.28
posted by EditingEmma 13:55
Sitting in the loos crying
Really, given the amount of time I’ve spent processing Anna and Leon’s relationship status, you’d think I’d have been more prepared for their actual relationship. But I wasn’t.
Here’s what happened:
I went and collected my stingy portion of food. Considering how much money I (my mum) pays for these lunches, you’d think they’d give us more than one sausage and three bits of broccoli. Yes, they actually count the broccoli. And if you get an abnormally large bit then you only get two. I once said, ‘That’s broccoli discrimination. You’ve made him feel fat,’ and the dinner lady just stared at me. But I digress.
So I sat down at the table with my tiny lunch and Gracie kept looking at me very uncomfortably, like the sight of me was giving her stomach cramps. Steph gave me half her sausage. I should have known something was up then because Steph would usually fight you to the death for half a sausage. I was about to bite into it, when I saw Leon across the room. Talking to Anna. Then he put his arm around her. The sausage sort of hung in the air, then whacked me in the face. I stared open-mouthed. Suddenly, it was all too much for me and I got up to leave.
And now I’m in the loos.
Steph came to find me.
‘Not many people can make me feel sad with gravy on their face but you pull it off,’ she said.
I laughed but it quickly turned back to crying.
‘I knew they were together but, seeing them…’
‘I know,’ Steph said.
‘And now we’ve got Biology. And he might be there.’
‘I know.’
‘Is it really obvious I’ve been crying?’
‘Errr…’
Steph got out her compact mirror.
I look like I’ve been boiled.
posted by EditingEmma 20.37
The Rest of My First Day of Sixth Form
Biology
I tried to hide that I’d been crying but I still arrived looking like a puffy red frog. I felt so nervous about the possibility of Leon being there that I was physically quivering. Within two seconds, I’d scanned the room with my ultra-fast Leon radar, sadly the most effective part of my brain, and assessed that he wasn’t in the room. I actually felt disappointed. (What’s wrong with me?) My nervous energy plummeted back into regular old glumness.
I had a feeling Biology would not make me feel better. Long and pointy Dr Penzik had a creepy smile on his long and pointy face. Which meant that we were probably massacring some sort of small animal for an experiment. And then, ah yes… I spotted them. The pile of organs. Lovely. (This is my punishment for taking a subject because someone I fancied was in the class. And he’s not even in it.)
Dr Penzik handed round the sheep hearts looking a little too pleased. I started typing a post, when he said,
‘Oh, no you don’t. Emma, move up here.’ He pointed to the front of the class.
‘Erm. Why, may I ask, Dr Penzik? I only got here five minutes ago so I haven’t been talking yet.’
‘I can see you texting,’ he barked.
‘I’m not texting, I’m—’
‘Look, let’s just avoid any trouble and move you away from Steph. Put your phone away and find a new partner.’
I refrained from pointing out the obvious flaws in