‘Exactly!!’
‘So what? I still know what they all look like.’
‘It’s not just about looks, Steph.’
‘Disagree.’
‘But I didn’t even like Leon, in that way, for the first two months of knowing him. I think we could already KNOW our soulmates, just not know that they’re our soulmates yet.’
‘So you’re saying… Willie Thomas might have hidden depths?’
(Willie Thomas is a boy in our art class who looms way too close to girls to try and look down their tops. He also has really bad breath.)
‘Well, maybe not Willie.’
posted by EditingEmma 12.46
Staring into the cold, harsh, glaring light of the computer screen, which may be the guiding light leading me towards my new life… Beginning the stalk. Hmm… Going through my ‘friends’, looking for boys I don’t normally speak to.
posted by EditingEmma 14.05
As it turns out, I’ve actually only added people I do normally speak to. Or Leon’s friends. And I know that I definitely don’t want to date any of them.
Well, plan over.
posted by EditingEmma 16.33
Mum has been ranting on about how ‘tired’ she is and how her ‘glands are up’. As is the case most of the time. She thinks she has a ‘mild case of ME’. I’m not going to tell her otherwise, though; her hypochondria makes her more lenient when it comes to letting me stay off school. I thought I’d better lay the groundwork now, in case my stye doesn’t disappear by Thursday, so I shuffled into Mum’s room with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders.
‘Mum,’ I coughed, ‘I think I caught your ME. I think you should consider keeping me off college next week.’
‘You can’t catch ME,’ she says with a dismissive wave of her hand, as if to say, You don’t understand what I’m going through.
She is so annoying.
posted by EditingEmma 20.42
Steph called:
‘Did you start on your resolutions yet?’
‘Yes, but you were right. Everyone I’m “friends” with I already know sort-of well enough in real life to know I wouldn’t want to date them.’
‘Ah.’
‘My plan was fatally flawed.’
She munched away on something down the end of the phone.
‘What about the people you haven’t added? No offence but you’ve only got about three hundred friends.’
‘…I’ll try again tomorrow.’
posted by EditingEmma 12.22
Back to the drawing screen. I’m discovering people I never even knew existed… who are apparently in our year at school… (Who is Umar Khan? Or Brian Fielding?) And there are lots of people I’ve seen around but never had ANY interaction with.
. . . Am I hugely anti-social?
Let’s not dwell too much on that.
posted by EditingEmma 15.59
I have found a couple of possibilities… Laurence Myer and David Hudson. An elusive pair of technology nerds. You don’t see them often, but when you do it’s usually together and it’s ALWAYS on a computer. I overheard a conversation between them once and it was about the relative differences between android and iOS operating systems. No idea what that actually means, but I sense that they’re the kind of guys who will grow up to make millions inventing something to do with algorithms that no one else understands.
Adding them both. I’m actually kind of nervous. What if they don’t accept?
posted by EditingEmma 16.04
I needn’t have worried. Four minutes ago, Laurence Myer accepted my request, and three minutes ago, David Hudson accepted.
Evidence: Technology nerds get back to you quickly. Probably because they are always attached to their phones and/or their laptops.
I couldn’t choose between them, so I’m going with Laurence Myer because he accepted first. As solid a reason as any. After going through his pictures for a while, I am astounded by the fact that I’ve never really noticed Laurence. He is, actually, quite attractive. My love for Leon has made me blind to everyone else around me. I save the most normal-looking picture of Laurence I can find for my case study, cropping out everyone else around him and enlarging his head.
posted by EditingEmma 21.00
I was feeling really pleased with myself until I spoke to Steph:
‘Steph, I’ve done it. I’ve set off on an important journey.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘To a new beginning.’
‘You’re beginning a journey towards a new beginning?’
‘Yes.’
‘So you spoke to Laurence Myer?’
‘Oh, no. I added him though. We’ve achieved virtual friendship.’
‘Woah! Slow down, Emma!!’
‘Oh. Really?’
‘NO. Talk to him!!!’
‘. . . I feel like that might be a step too far, for tonight.’
‘Yes, you’re right, you might end up achieving virtual pregnancy.’
‘. . . Fine.’
Maybe he won’t be online.
Of course he’s online. OK, here goes… I’m going in for the kill.
posted by EditingEmma 21.46
Our conversation, which I have recorded (with commentary):
Emma: hey Laurence: hi
Emma: how are you?
Laurence: im good
There is a long pause.
Laurence: you?
Emma: im good thank you, what are you up to?
Laurence: just listening to some music
Emma: what you listening to?
Laurence: nickelback
Emma: ah cool, I haven’t listened to them in ages…
Because the only reason I’ve ever listened to them is that my dad used to play them, and my ears would bleed liquid mediocrity. How old is this boy, sixteen or fifty-six?
Laurence: do you have any of their stuff? I would download it but I have no money and I’m morally opposed to piracy and I hate the adverts on Spotify
That