No, was the answer to that. Five minutes later, I already had sheep blood on my nose.
‘Holly, what are we even meant to be doing?’ I asked, glancing at the abandoned sheet lying next to us.
She shrugged and kept hacking. I stared fixedly at the mangled mess we had created. It was like looking down at my own heart.
When I Arrived Home
The door was double-locked, which was just what I needed. (Mum calls it the Emma Lock, there just in case I plan on having any ‘wild parties’ when she goes away. She clearly thinks I have more friends than I do.)
I banged on the door. It opened a fraction and Mum’s nose poked out.
‘Oh… I wasn’t expecting you home yet… awkward.’ Then she turned her head and called out, ‘Gerald, you’ll have to leave!’
She let me in and ran into the kitchen. I heard, ‘Gerald, put some clothes on!!’
When I walked in there was no one else in there. Except Mum, pissing herself laughing in a corner.
And now I’m in my room, contemplating the day’s events.
What did Laurence say to Leon?!?!
posted by EditingEmma 22.09
I tried so hard not to but I’m stalking Apple again. Leon linked her to a scene from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He really loves that film. He’s probably going to make her watch it five million times whilst force-feeding her jam tarts.
I really wish I was her.
One day of sixth form felt like a lifetime. I’m going to bed now. Hopefully I won’t wake up.
posted by EditingEmma 07.30
Woke up. Darn.
posted by EditingEmma 13.38
Strange Things That Have Happened Today
(And it’s only lunchtime. And only Day 2 of Sixth Form.)
When I came downstairs to breakfast, Mum appeared to be pretending to surf.
She said, ‘It’s my t’ai chi.’
I said, ‘Of course.’
Steph wants to go to Mum’s salsa class.
This is pretty much how the conversation went:
‘How’s your mum?’ Steph asked.
‘Keeping herself busy with a range of different hobbies.’
‘Ooh, like what?’
‘Surfing in the living room.’
‘Is she still seeing the stripper?’
‘You never get tired of asking that, do you?’
‘No.’
‘I’m not sure. But I do know that she’s been going to salsa, because she keeps stealing Bear to dance with.’
‘Salsa?’
‘Yes, I have since discovered where my dancing incapability comes from.’
‘Is she having lessons? Can we go with her?’
‘You want to go to salsa? With my mum?’
After an hour of thinking that she was joking, it turns out she does actually want to go to salsa. With my mum. Curiouser and curiouser…
The Awkward Toilet Encounter
I was washing my hands when Apple came out of the cubicle next door. And she smiled at me. Because she’s a really nice person. I think I managed to smile back relatively normally (like I haven’t spent days scrutinising every single part of her face and wondering things like whether she masturbates a lot or how often she washes her bras). But I ruined it by staring at her lips for a little too long. I couldn’t help thinking those lips have been on Leon’s lips. How recently? If I grabbed her and kissed her, would it be sort of like kissing Leon?
When I came out of the loos, Leon was waiting outside. My whole body flooded with adrenaline which, for some unknown reason, prompted me to speak to him.
‘Lurking in the shadows outside girls’ loos is generally considered a bit creepy,’ I said jokily.
‘I’m waiting for Anna,’ he said, without an expression. Maybe it’s contagious. She has some weird disease where all her facial muscles become like hanging bits of flab and she’s given it to him.
‘OK…’ I said, and started to walk away.
‘I didn’t know you were friends with Laurence,’ he called after me, stonily.
‘I didn’t know you were friends with Laurence.’
‘I used to sit with him in Maths.’
‘Oh. Did he help you?’
‘Oh, piss off, Emma.’
He said it with such force, and I was so taken aback that I felt like I’d been shoved backwards into the wall. The only person who has ever told me to ‘piss off’ in such an ugly way is my mother.
He stared at me all defiant and scowly, and I stood there looking back at him like a jellyfish with my mouth open. Then Apple came out of the loo and we all continued to stand there for a bit. She looked at us both and, I swear, almost managed an expression (one of confused awkwardness).
Then I quickly moved away.
posted by EditingEmma 15.32
Moping in Maths
I was hiding my phone under the desk but then I remembered it’s Mr Crispin… Ah Maths. My free blogging pass.
So I told Steph all about what happened and she gave me a Chewit. After I ate it, I threw the wrapper away and she said,
‘What? You’re not going to save it and roll it up in a ball with my hair and spit and keep it under your bed? I’m offended.’
‘I never kept his hair. Or spit.’
‘No, just his bloody plaster. Anyway, at least you’ve got Gracie’s brother’s party to look forward to tomorrow…’
I grunted. Then Mr Crispin asked me a question about ‘cumulative frequency’ and I just whimpered.
‘Is that all you do now? Whimper and grunt?’ asked Steph.
I grunted in response. She grunted back.
‘It was like… he hated me.’
Steph bobbed her head in sympathy. ‘I’ve run out of Chewits.’
‘It’s OK. I’m too miserable to eat.’
‘Or maybe you’re too full because you ate the whole pack.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Do you think we’d still be friends if we were guys?’ asked Steph.
‘No, you’d punch me.’
There was silence as we both visualised it.
‘Yeah, I probably would.’
posted by EditingEmma 15.50
Crazy Holly asked to plait my hair (she just loves to plait hair). I must be