Chapter 1: Questions for reflection
● What comes to mind when you think of your childhood and youth?
● How would you characterize your family of origin from the present perspective?
● What values were conveyed to you in your childhood and adolescence?
● How did you want to be in your youth and how do you see yourself today?
● What do you do in order to satisfy the basic needs of your character?
Chapter 2
Achievements: What you have accomplished
Reflection on what you have achieved in your life so far and how many situations you have already successfully mastered is one of your most significant strength sources. The awareness of what you have achieved will allow you to face new challenges with renewed strength. This becomes especially true as soon as you recognize the strategies behind your success and are able to draw on your resources in the future.
"Wanna drive?" Patrick asked and held the car key in front of Laura's face with his arm stretched out. "Women are better at parking anyway."
Really funny, Patrick, Laura thought. But she smiled sympathetically, nodded briefly and grabbed the key. As soon as she had come through the baggage claim doors into the lobby and saw Patrick waiting for her, she already guessed how he was feeling. Patrick seemed kind of excited and nervous and unfocused at the same time. Like someone who partied through the night and went straight to work. To welcome her, he had embraced Laura as if she had been in Seattle for six months and not six days. It was unusual enough that Patrick took the time to pick Laura up from the airport in the middle of the week. Their jobs did not allow for romance during peak business hours. Patrick seemed very eager for contact.
The day prior he had received the official offer for his new top job in an email from HQ in Japan. Everything was just as his boss had told him almost a week ago. Now Patrick had to make a decision.
Laura quickly got on the highway and then changed into the left lane. Patrick had moved the back of the passenger seat far back. He was searching for the right music on his iPhone for a long time and in the end, he couldn't decide on anything. After checking his emails and WhatsApp, he put the phone in his pocket and looked at Laura.
"What should I do?" Patrick asked.
"I can't tell you that," Laura replied without a second thought. "I can't make that decision for you. If you accept the job offer, it will affect me as well, because then we will probably see even less of each other. Still, it is your decision. So, ask yourself if the new job is what you want to do."
"Well, I don't know right now." Patrick started playing with the air conditioning controls. "Two weeks ago, I was thinking: Yeah! This is my dream job. Finally, the big opportunity. But now that the offer is official, I just want to run away."
"So, run away!"
"Excuse me?"
"Not forever, of course. But maybe over the weekend. You know I'm completely booked up for the weekend anyway."
"The annual BFF weekend with your classmates. Yeah, I know. But I'd also like to hear your opinion before I decide."
"As you should, of course. But only after you've decided what you want to do. You've done so much already! Do you even realize that? For someone who almost got kicked out of school at 16, you've come a long way. Sometimes I wonder how you always manage to get your successes. It all seems so easy to you."
"I don't know how I do it. I never ask myself that question."
"Look at this!" said Laura, pointing at a billboard on the highway's side with her finger. She read the advertising slogan aloud, which was written in big letters: "Our greatest success is our enthusiastic customers." Below was the logo of one of the world's largest IT companies. Laura briefly glanced over at Patrick. "What are your greatest achievements?"
"I've never asked myself that before." Patrick pulled his iPhone back out of his pocket and resumed the search for the right music.
"Why don't you hike to the Drachenkogel this weekend? We've been there before. There's this great hotel in the valley, remember? If you reflect on what you've achieved so far, you'll have more clarity afterward."
"I got it!" Patrick said and kept staring at his smartphone. "Arctic Monkeys." He pressed to play the first song via Bluetooth. "What did you say? Drachenkogel? Yeah, great idea. Maybe I will."
Consciously perceiving past achievements and successes
Now, if I ask you to consider three notable achievements you have had in the last 12 months – how easy or difficult is that for you? What goes through your mind? Maybe the examples and pictures just keep gushing out. Like opening a champagne bottle with a sword. Or maybe you are thinking: The last 12 months were quite tricky – what successes could I have achieved? Or maybe you're just trying to figure out how to answer my question: Am I talking exclusively about professional successes or also about personal ones? And what can be considered a significant success? Is it enough to have acquired a project with a dream customer? Does making an effort to go jogging regularly and lose three kilos count? Or is nothing worth mentioning except the first million net annual income or a dream wedding in Mauritius?
From my experience, I can assure you that people react very differently when asked about their recent successes. If you hesitated even a little bit in your answer, this little exercise has already revealed one thing: It is not part of our daily routine to visualize our successes. Many of us never realize what they have already achieved in their lives – both professionally and personally. However, when it comes to making decisions – but also in crises, from personal life crises to shutdowns in the event of a pandemic – it is incredibly helpful to remember past successes. After we perceive what we have already achieved in the first step, we can understand it in subsequent steps and recognize its patterns. Finally, we can draw strength from our past achievements and find solutions to challenging situations more quickly in the future. And this is what this chapter is about.
Commitment, support from others or pure luck? Typical interpretations of success
Patrick is experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. His initial euphoria about his dream job has turned into doubt and nervous uncertainty. He wonders whether a job at the top of his company's hierarchy will still be as fun as his previous job. Could he end up losing his beloved freedom in Japan? Was he now on the road of becoming the slick career guy he never wanted to be? After his mother pointed it out to him, he also worries about what the new professional situation would mean for his relationship and Laura's previously unfulfilled desire to have children. But maybe Patrick has already successfully mastered similar turning points in his life? He had never reflected on this before. When Laura asked him about his most significant achievements to date, the look on his face just said, "Huh?"
Patrick's reaction corresponds to one of four typical reaction patterns that I experience when I talk to people about their past achievements and ask them how they think they have achieved them. There are certainly people like Patrick who have never asked themselves what their greatest successes are and how they managed to achieve them. Here are three more common answers:
● "I've always worked hard and fought for my successes. It was hard at times, but I fought my way through. In the end, my success has always proved me right. I know I can count on myself."
● "I owe my successes to other people. I had a supportive home, invaluable teachers and mentors, and consistently great teams. I am grateful for what I was able to learn from all these people."