The same applies to your resources: other people can often recognize them much better than you can! Once again, it's worth asking for feedback.
Exercise: Feedback on your personal resources
Ask three people from your personal environment to give you feedback on your character strengths. You will receive the greatest feedback if you have different relationships to these three people,
e.g. 1. a close friend (boyfriend/girlfriend), 2. a person who is critical of you (e.g. someone from your team) and 3. a parent, sibling or person in a similar role.
This exercise does not need to be done in person, but works just as well in writing. Ask each of the three people to write down adjectives that come to mind when they think about your personal strengths. For example, "assertive", "committed" or "optimistic". The number of adjectives is not decisive. Let each person write down as many as they can think of. Then ask to see the result.
Alternatively, or even in addition, you can provide them with the 18 character strengths of the 6 PCM "floors" (see chapter 1) and ask them to circle or underline those adjectives that apply most to you: responsible – rational – well-organized – committed – conscientious – value-oriented – charming – persistent – competitive – sensitive – warmhearted – relationship-oriented – calm – thoughtful – imaginative – spontaneous – creative – funloving.
To what extent do these results correspond to your previous observations regarding your success strategies? How can you use these character strengths as a resource in a more targeted way in the future?
Your character strengths are your resources at the same time. However, there are also other resources, for example the awareness of your past successes. Or the knowledge that you have mastered every minor or major crisis in your life so far. If you reflect on what you have achieved so far long enough, you will gain confidence in your own success story.
Confidence in our own success story
It was Monday night. Patrick activated the artificial fireplace via app on his iPhone. The Smart Home was his new toy. Then he grabbed a craft beer from the fridge. It was the same kind he'd been drinking with Eddy on the mountain pasture. Patrick had found a little shop in the 7th district that carried that brand. Laura was sitting on the sofa in front of half a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Patrick opened his beer and sat down next to Laura who was already looking at him with anticipation. He began to tell her about his hike up the Drachenkogel, his meeting with Eddy and his new insights.
"The sunrise up there was absolutely amazing," Patrick finally stated. "Eddy called it the moment of greatest clarity, and it was exactly that. When I got to the summit, I was disappointed at first because it was grey and foggy. But then, just before the sun actually came up, the fog lifted, and I could suddenly see for miles. In that moment, I knew then that everything would continue to go well for me and for the both of us. I have already achieved so much, particularly because I never racked my brain and constantly worried. This is exactly how it is going to be this time. We'll just relax and everything will work out!"
"So, you've decided to take the new job?"
"I don't even remember why I hesitated in the first place. Japan! A whole new world, wow! And then all those awesome cities I will regularly have meetings in: San Francisco, Toronto, Johannesburg, São Paulo, Beijing, Mumbai, Qatar, Moscow. And teams from all these places and cultures. The diversity – absolutely amazing! And most of all, I will finally be able to help develop strategies that will be implemented globally. Globally, not just between Vienna, Düsseldorf and Sofia."
"I am happy for you. You're gonna do great. And you're gonna have fun."
"Yes, I think so, too. But I will only do it if it's ok with you that I'm stationed in Japan and will be traveling even more. If not, I decline and stay here. There are many great jobs in Austria or Germany with exciting companies that I can apply for."
"No, do it, Patrick! By all means! It's the next step for you. I have no right to stop you, considering I'm hardly at home myself. Everything will work out, even for us. But it won't be a nobrainer. We have to figure out a way to see each other regularly. I mean, a lot of things can be done virtually. Even I know that. But we still need a plan. Because if we don't see each other at all – even our relationship won't be able to handle that." Patrick nodded in agreement.
"In fact, there's not much about living together that I want to do virtually," Laura added with a smile.
Connecting all points of life
Patrick has arrived at one of the most significant learnings we can gain from dealing with our past: He knows what he has already achieved, how he has done it and what resources he has at his disposal to repeat these successes at any time. He understands his personality and his strengths and affirms them. He knows that others are successful in other ways. They may be more persistent, more organized, or make more specific plans for their future. Although Patrick knows that empathy is certainly not a "floor" that requires a long "elevator ride", they may also be more empathetic. Patrick doesn't need to worry about how others do it. He doesn't need to adapt their way of doing things for himself. He has confidence in his own biography and is now considering the future with confidence, curiosity and composure.
We can all develop this confidence in our own success story. Take one last look at the sticky notes containing your successes. What a wealth of experience! Almost a work of art, isn't it? Even at the risk of being sick of hearing Steve Jobs quotes – or knowing the most famous ones by heart: The Apple co-founder aptly called this "Connecting the dots" in his famous Stanford speech, when we connect all the seemingly random points of our biography in spirit and suddenly recognize a harmonious, coherent unity, a type of artwork. Maybe it is just something we construct in retrospect and defy the coincidences of life. But maybe your Higher Self or the Universe has thought of something at all your stations. No matter how you look at it, contemplating this picture, this work of art of your life, can be a tremendous source of confidence.
Never underestimate the power of failure!
I don't know what you have written on your sticky notes and considered worthy enough to appear in the "temperature curve" of your successes. All I know is that many people like to leave out things that may seem self-evident. For example, having a high school diploma, having studied or being loving parents to a child or children. Precisely because all this seems so obvious, it is often forgotten about. However, these fundamentals are the resources that quickly provide us with the support we need when we recall them after setbacks or in crises. As paradoxical as it may sound, even our greatest failures still belong on the list of our greatest successes. After all, we have managed to stand up again and almost always learn something from it. Simply ask yourself: What were your "greatest" failures so far? Your most educational crises? What has really shaken you up and then made you carry on more vigorously than ever?
A woman I worked with – let's call her Cathy – once slipped into such a severe crisis that she could not even cling to her life's obviously self-evident facts. Cathy was in Hong Kong on a business trip when her husband emailed her to tell her that he wanted a divorce. In the same email, he confessed to her that he had been having a mistress for five years, whom he now wanted to marry. Cathy's husband was the love of her life. They had been together since their school days and she had married him when she was 19. With that email, her entire world collapsed. Cathy called me, crying softly, seeming apathetic. I asked her, deliberately out of context, "What subject did you major in?" She had to think for a surprisingly long time and later said that at first she had the feeling she couldn't remember. Everything was gone. Later, when Cathy got