Why is that? The success you have enjoyed thus far is always a result of your imprints. The more you know about these imprints, the better you understand which of them can be used as resources for your next step – and what you can let go of. I will get to the subject of letting go later in this book. First of all, I want to invite you to accompany Patrick on the journey back to his roots. Patrick represents all those that I encourage to return to their origins – to the family, local, social, and cultural imprints that we all will probably never thoroughly shake off before leaping to the next level. All human paths are unique. And maybe that makes us a little different from ants in the end.
Discovering and appreciating your imprints
Right past the place-name sign, Patrick took his foot off the accelerator, but only stopped short of the speed trap. For the past 20 years, it had been visible on the side of the road, just behind a gas station and just before the parking lot of a discount store. The bright summer sky flattered Patrick's hometown, in which everything looked functional and hardly anything seemed merely beautiful. Apart from the Catholic church, the baroque town hall and the foundations of a medieval castle, there were no sights to see here. This was not Styria for tourists, but that of workers. For a long time, the mining industry had provided for the village. Most of the workers' estates originated from that time. Patrick's grandfather on his father's side still worked in the mines. His mother's family had once immigrated from Italy because of mining. But his parents had already been forced to look for other jobs: Patrick's father, a skilled locksmith and recently retired, had last been caretaker at a housing company after decades in a small factory. His mother had worked as an accountant for a car repair shop for 25 years.
Patrick passed by the Italian ice cream parlor that belonged to relatives of his mother. For a moment, he thought about stopping there and having an espresso. But his parents were waiting for him and he did not want to keep them any longer. Two streets further on, he passed by the factory where his father had worked. The warehouses had been empty for a few years now. After the local government had tried to set up a start-up center there and then abandoned the attempt due to a lack of founders, a purchaser for the building was sought. The car repair shop where his mother had been employed – part-time, because a full-time employee in the accounting department would not have been profitable for the owner – had already been sold. It was located on the main road, behind a slight right turn. An entrepreneur from Graz was now having old Harley-Davidson motorcycles restored here. More or less as a hobby, as it was rumored in town. Even though a buyer for one of the massive old bikes could be found now and then, it seemed to be a losing battle.
As Patrick was driving through the village center and passed the church, he smiled. "Meier Moden" still existed! It had always been the most exclusive shop in town. When Patrick was a child, his parents had taken him and his brothers and sisters here, although they really couldn't afford "Meier Moden". Each year before Easter and at Christmas we had something new to wear. In church on Sundays everyone was supposed to see that the children were well taken care of. Patrick turned left. Behind the doctor's office, which had also been there for ages, the almost one-hundred-year-old miners' settlement with its rows of identical row houses began. Patrick briefly considered parking his car under a tree on the village's outskirts, but finally decided to park in front of his parents' house. He was aware of the looks some of the neighbors gave to his flashy car with the Vienna tag. But his father looked at his son's vehicle with pride. For him, a car couldn't be large and powerful enough. He stepped out of the house. He had probably been standing by the window for an hour waiting for his son to arrive.
Self-reflection starts with observation, not judgment
Patrick drives through his hometown like a silent observer. He notices things. And he remembers how things used to be. But he isn't always quick to judge everything. He doesn't say, "I'm finally home," nor does he think, "What a miserable dump!" Patrick accepts the place where he grew up and the time he spent here as something that has shaped him irrevocably. This attitude of a curious observer, who does not judge hastily, is what characterizes positive self-reflection. We are used to judging ourselves and others too quickly. Many individuals in business are also used to thinking in terms of status and image. Does my parental home make an impression on other people? Or would it be best not to draw too much attention to my origins? Selfreflection begins when you no longer care what others think about you and your background. This is about your own unique life and your origins. If you can examine your imprints without judging them, it will make you that much stronger.
If Patrick is doing well on his chosen career path, then his rural working-class upbringing is not even a concern. He doesn't need to continually point out to everyone that he is a working-class child, but he also doesn't have any reason to withhold this fact. There may even be specific strengths related to his social background. His family was not always able to afford everything. But his parents took responsibility for their children and made sure that they were well taken care of. Part of his family has a migration background and had to work their way into a small town's social fabric. The structural change in the region has put a strain on many families. Patrick's father didn't give up, always tried to find a new job, and found one. What can Patrick take away from this today? What strengths come to mind when you think about your own background? How did your family deal with difficult times and how did they deal when times were more relaxed? With scarcity or with abundance? What did you receive, simply because you were a child or an adolescent and could not yet take care of yourself?
You have the opportunity to read this book? You must be doing pretty well!
I have no idea where you grew up, what shaped you and what family relationships you may have experienced – or even sorely missed. Your company car (if you have one) may be more discreet than Patrick's – or an even bigger statement. And your parents – assuming they raised you – may have been blue-collar workers, too. Maybe they are professors, artists, farmers, entrepreneurs or office workers. I'm unable to know all this. But one thing I do know for sure: If your situation allows you to purchase this book and deal with its contents, then you already belong to the super (successful) rich of this world! Most individuals still have far too many existential concerns to allow themselves the luxury of comprehensive self-reflection. Would you agree with my assessment that you must already be doing quite well for yourself?
And 99 percent of previous generations' members can only marvel at the intellectual pursuits we focus on today. This also applies to women, among others. At least in the economically prosperous countries of recent decades (which have consumed most resources in the process), an increasing number of women are finally sitting at the table when the cards are shuffled and dealt. Your hand, dear reader, is certainly better than most people at any point in history. Now, make something of it! As a side note: Maybe you are even a little thankful – or even very thankful – now and then for all the opportunities and possibilities that less than one percent of humanity has been given access to.
Understanding your family of origin and being at peace with it
When you look at your parents now, what do you see? (Assuming you have gotten to know your parents sufficiently.) When the best qualities of your parents marry, you are born! Children are 50 percent mom, 50 percent dad and 100 percent themselves. Yes, that's a paradoxical formula, as you can see. But if you can say yes to your family of origin and to yourself, then the procedure makes perfect sense. Psychologists, therapists and coaches have been dealing with the family structures of individuals for many decades. I recommend that you take a more indepth look at your family structure at least once in your life. Whether you do this in the form of self-reflection or with guidance – simply choose what suits you best.
One method that has provided many people with valuable insights is, for example, a systemic family constellation. At this point in the book it is neither necessary nor useful to deal with