Your origins as a resource for your success
A BBQ at noon? Nobody in Patrick and Laura's circle of friends would have thought of this. In the evenings, people gathered on patios around American gas barbecues, in front of houses in the Vienna area, which all looked similar to Patrick and Laura's new home: White cubes with large glass surfaces, surrounded by just enough grass to be affordable in view of the horrendous property prices. As a welcome drink, the men were handed a Craft-Beer and the women a Chardonnay. The steaks were then put on the grill – the per kilo price equal to the weekly budget of a family in Patrick's hometown. On the other hand, Patrick's parents were barbecuing just like they did in the old days: on a small round charcoal grill. His father was dealing with the coals. His mother was in the kitchen, cleaning the meat and lettuce, cutting vegetables and bread. Patrick was supposed to feel comfortable in the few hours he was back home.
After two pork chops, three sausages and plenty of vegetables, salad and bread Patrick was done. He couldn't eat any more. His parents looked surprised – as though he hadn't eaten anything. Like many times during a visit to his parents' house, there was a pause in the conversation. Patrick and his parents did not have too much in common.
"I got a call this morning," Patrick said, looking to fill the void rather than to discuss his career with his parents. "I'm going to move up quite a bit in the company. I'll soon be based in Japan, where I'll be responsible for a specialty industrial glass's global business."
Patrick's father was beaming, patting his son on the shoulder and congratulating him. "In ten years, you'll be president of the entire company," he said.
"I'd have to be Japanese and belong to the founding family," Patrick objected bluntly. But in principle, he sounded as if he had the confidence to manage the group.
"And what does Laura think about it?" Patrick's mother asked. Her expression was hard for Patrick to read. "Will you still see each other? And what about having children? In a few years, it will be too late for Laura. Are you only thinking about your careers?"
"Laura? Shit!" Patrick jumped out of his chair and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. "I haven't told her yet. I was thinking about it when I got into town, but there was dinner at your place. Laura is on a plane, but there is internet onboard. Give me just a minute."
When Patrick took a few steps into the backyard to type in peace, he saw Anna on the neighboring property. Anna had been not only the girl next door, but also his first big love at 17. She was pulling garden tools out of a shed. Patrick put his phone back in his pocket, waved to Anna and approached the fence that separated the two properties. Anna never left town. Since her parents had died early, she was living with her boyfriend in her parental home. The two of them had acquired the small grocery store, which had to shut down due to the new discount stores and had turned it into a health food store.
"Hey, Patrick," Anna said. "You're moving up in the world! I'm sorry for overhearing. I couldn't help it. Our backyards are so small."
"I am going to do it as long as I enjoy it," said Patrick. "But it's strange. I can't stop thinking about the old days. About the way I used to be. And what do you think? You hate my career, don't you?"
"No, Patrick, I don't," Anna said with a smile. "But I know you. You're going to struggle with yourself. Then you will take the new job. And yes, you will enjoy it! Do you know why? Because you're gonna do it your way, on your terms. Because that's who you are."
Values, convictions and beliefs are often inherited
Every form of success and prosperous life has to do with relationship management. And no matter what rapid progress artificial intelligence is going to make in the coming years: We have good reason to believe that humans will become irreplaceable, wherever interpersonal relationships make the difference. Most of us learn how human relationships work from the family of origin. Our parents not only feed and clothe us, but they also provide us with plenty of values, beliefs and convictions, free of charge. As children we have no choice but to adopt it all. Later we are allowed to make our own decisions. But this requires reflection. Have you ever wondered how much of what you consider to be fair and right in life was also true for your parents? And where you might see things quite differently today? Maybe precisely because you don't want to think and act like your parents did?
Patrick's father exemplified some of his status thinking. It was important to his father that the family was able to afford things and demonstrated this. Due to her migration background, it was also crucial for his mother to integrate herself and feel a sense of affiliation among the locals. She takes a more holistic view than her husband on Patrick's new situation and when it comes to the topic of careers, she also thinks of the possible downsides. What does the next step mean for Patrick's relationship with his wife? Is there still time for children? If there isn't, will they regret not having children later on? Patrick has to decide what's important to him. As a personality with a decisive rebel component, he can focus on himself and what he enjoys. Still, at the same time he needs interaction and communication to make a decision. Patrick's childhood girlfriend encourages him to take the next step in his career – but to play by his own rules. This might be good for his battery, as it corresponds to his rebel base. And maybe Patrick's 15-year-old self can also get used to this option?
Your origin still has an influence – but now you get to decide!
In this chapter I have given you various suggestions to deal with your background. No matter what your success is today, the source of your success is always in the past: the family system and your cultural and social imprint are as much a part of it as the permanent base of your personality. From the time you were a child, whether you wanted to or not, you received an unmanageable amount of values and beliefs. As a teenager, you may have increasingly formed your own opinions, made your first individual life decisions, had dreams, maybe even vowed, like Patrick, to do certain things but never others. Our life is always changing and that is why we are allowed to examine everything continually. Self-reflection and awareness are the key. Those of us who know their origins know themselves. And those of us who know themselves know what is good for them and what isn't.
Beyond specific occasions, personality models help us understand ourselves better, communicate more successfully and make more conscious decisions. I will return to the Process Communication Model®, which I have presented to you in this chapter, in subsequent chapters. If you are interested in receiving a comprehensive PCM analysis, you will find information on the annex subject. Of course, this is not necessary to continue reading this book. In general, the models and theories in the book are always a means to an end. I hope you will understand the next step of your career in its entirety and act on the next level in a way that best suits your personality. Ultimately, we are all the architects of our own happiness, within a framework set by our environment and our own beliefs. For the most part, success is what we make of what we have been given. So, don't wait for your next reincarnation – there might not be one, who knows. Do something