– ☺
– Yes? Do you have such thoughts sometimes? So-called victims do not reduce weight.
Describe a person who plays the victim role.
– He blames everyone around.
– Exactly. The person does not want to take any responsibilities. He is upset at everyone; he is not guilty of anything. He always blames others. The victim blames everything and everybody, “these bloody fools”, Government and Martians. “Jupiter in Scorpio turned retrograde when I started to lose weight, that’s why I failed.” And so on. Of course, these people will not take responsibility for implementation of recommendations and weight loss. In fact, they are not ready to do anything. In a month, they come to us and say: “I’ve tried dropping weight, but it didn’t work.” All other participants are content, they all became slimmer, but the victim didn’t! Then I start to ask her: “Did you do it?” – “No!” – “What about it?” – “No.” “Why?” – “I have a family. I go to work every day. I have no time”.
Besides, there are so-called infiltrators.
These are people sent to our class by mothers, husbands, or others. They did not want to work on weight loss. But relatives or friends called a taxi, gave them a contract and sent them here.
– ☺
– Sometimes it happens this way: relatives bring the “infiltrators”, sit by the door…
– ☺ In order to prevent the “infiltrators” from running away…
– Exactly. So, imagine, a mother of an “infiltrator” sits by the door guarding her “prodigal” daughter. She listens attentively, writes down all the recommendations, reads her notes at home, does homework. As a result, a month later, her mother lost excess weight for free, and her daughter is still fat. Because the daughter did not need it!
The third (and the last) category includes so-called headhunters. They even have a kind of “wall of shame” at home with “scalps” of specialists nailed to it. “This is a doctor from St. Petersburg, he was a good person; this is a ‘scalp’ of psychologist from Moscow, he did not help me either. By the way, I was a subject of three PhD dissertations. But I didn’t give up. I’ve got a ‘special’ fat. My metabolism is tricky, so modern medicine is useless”. A man comes to us to prove himself that “modern medicine and psychology are useless, I can’t lose weight here too.” What’s going on with him? He doesn’t lose weight. Then he comes here and demands results. “What’s your name? Artyom Ovechkin? I got you! Come here…”
Rules for the group work
– Organization rules.
We’ll begin classes on time. It is very important. If you’re late, you’ll miss something, and that’s not good.
Your cell phones should be turned off. Even vibration signals are unacceptable. Purses, crawling on the table under vibration, can interrupt important psychological practice at the crucial moment.
Imagine, we are sitting here, concentrated, focused on some moment. Meditative music is playing. Suddenly.
Buzz-z-z-z-z! Someone’s purse is running to us, vibrating like a mad hare! You know, no matter how many times I remind to turn off the phones. Everybody says: “Certainly, we’ll turn them off.” But then we hear phone ringing!
– ☺
– Now let’s talk about safety.
First, there is the “Stop!” rule. If we hit where it hurts you, if you do not want to work at this problem right now, you have a right to say:
“Stop! I don’t want to discuss it!” And we stop talking about it.
There is one more thing: privacy. You can say anything you want about me, about the program, but everything you hear within these walls about each other (and we’ll talk about personal life, work, discuss various issues that you are eager to share with us) must stay here. Can we rely on one another? Everything said by participants about themselves or each other cannot leave this room. It shouldn’t be revealed to anyone else. Promise?
– It goes in one ear and out the other.
– Active involvement. So the first rule is so-called I-statement. Many people use to say all the time “we”, “we believe”, “we think”. “We” is a great cover for hiding thing that allows evading any responsibility. Let’s talk in the first person!
The next point. You can ask any question you want. Every unresolved issue leads to a lack of information, wrong actions, and wrong results.
The next rule is “swapping”. We will change seats after every class.
First, your main task is to sit by Victor for at least once.
– What about me? Will I stay in the same seat?
– ☺
– No, you will change your seat too. They say that those who are sitting closer to the leader of the group lose weight faster. That’s why we need constant swapping. ☺ What for?
We all want to gain results – and to change our life! Big changes start from the little ones.
It is desirable to make some changes in the kitchen too. You can buy new beautiful dishware, tablecloth, table napkins or plastic overlays; put some flowers on the table, hang new curtains. It’s important, as earlier you lead a different life in this kitchen. You had an eating behavior that led you to excess body weight. Now a new life begins!
Andrey Vasilyevich Trenogov, psychologist, psychiatrist:
In one research, scientists studied people who lost excess weight (the focus group included people weighing more than two hundred and sixty pounds who had several weight loss experiences) and maintained achieved weight for at least two years. The researchers tried to understand what all these people had in common. What helped them to lose weight successfully? As it turned out, all the people believed that they would finally achieve their goal this time. Secondly, everyone faced changes in life. Some of them married, divorced or changed career. The others moved or renovated their house. Everybody who lost weight successfully faced not only internal changes but external changes as well.
Group session of psychologist
Artyom Andreyevich Ovechkin:
– Another rule. Let’s speak in turn. When I take the floor, I speak. When you take the floor, you speak. When five people are talking at the same time, no one is listening. We are here not to make noise to wake the dead. Do you accept the rules?
Yes!
Communication with a problematic person
Nikolay Ivanovich Kosenkov, member of Petrovskaya Academy of Sciences and Arts, Ph. D. of medical science
Nonconstructive methods can be used in communication if a person hasn’t got any problems. But this doesn’t occur often. A person often does not realize that he has some kind of problem! He believes that he is always late because of some embarrassing chain of events. If he is overweight, this it’s caused by bad genes. The person has no willpower to reduce food consumption and give up unhealthy habits. He blames the disruption of the endocrine system and anything else – except himself. As usual, this problem does not bother him. But when it affects others, they are trying to the point that to him in every possible way. People begin to use the following communication patterns, which ultimately do not lead to an