At the sound of these words, I was certain the abbot had heard about the donkey’s disappearance. My terror mounted. I presented myself before the abbot and kissed his hand, and he ordered me to sit down.
“Brother, do you know why I summoned you?” he asked, frowning.
“No, Father.”
“A few of the novices have asked to leave the monastery,” he said. “Such an event would be harmful to the other novices, so I’ve been questioning each man to establish whether he’s firm in his resolve or not. I do this to avoid having novices trickling out periodically, which is difficult for the others to bear.”15
٢٣،١
اخيرًا بعد كلام مستطيل قلي هل انك ثابت ام لا فاجبته علي الفور لا يا ابانا بروح بتحكم في حلب ولما بطيب مليح برجع الي الدير. حيندٍ بش وجهه فيّ وصار يوعضني باناسه ويقلي لا تخلي التجربه تغلبك يا اخي وترجعك الي العالم مغلوب يا ابني ولا زال يلاطفني بالكلام ويريني محبه الي حين ما قلته دعني يا ابانا افتكر اليوم وانضر كيف الله بيوجهني.
After going on at some length in this way, he finally asked if I was determined to stay or not.
“No, Father,” I replied without hesitation. “I need to leave and seek medical treatment in Aleppo. When I’m well again, I’ll return to the monastery.”
He smiled and began to exhort me gently.
“Don’t let the novitiate make you give up and return you to the world a defeated man, my son,” he said. He went on speaking in the same kindly manner until at last I spoke.
“Father, let me think on it today, and see how God guides me.”
٢٤،١
فرضي الريس وباركني ثم اصرفني حتي اروح افتكر ولما خرجت من عنده فرايت بعض من الرهبان واقفين باستنضاري حتي يتلافوني ليلا اغير عزمي عن الرهبنه. حيندٍ سالتهم عن الاتان هل وجدوه ام لا فبهتوا من كلامي وقالولي ما هذا الاتان الذي بتقول عنه فاحكيت لهم بالمجراويه كما تمت فصاروا يتبسموا بقولهم لي ان هذا الاتان الرهبان استعاروه من بشره ولما رجع معك ما هرب بل راح الي مكانه للضيعه لا تخف يا اخي هذا ما ضاع وباقيت الاتن رجعوا الي مكانهم ايضًا الذين كانوا معكم وهذا بيفعلوه دايمًا.
The abbot was satisfied with this response, and he blessed me and sent me on my way to do some thinking. As I emerged from his quarters, I saw some of the monks waiting for me, hoping to convince me to change my mind about leaving the order.
I asked them whether they’d found the donkey.
“What donkey?” they asked, confused.
I told them what had happened, and they broke into grins.
“The monks rented that donkey in Bsharrī,” they replied. “When it came back with you, it didn’t run away—it just went home to its village! Don’t worry, brother, it’s not lost. All the donkeys returned to their stables, including the ones you took to the mill. That’s what they always do.”
٢٥،١
حيندٍ ركن قلبي ومضيت الي قلايتي افتكر ماذا اعمل واستقمت ذلك النهار وتلك الليله في تلك الافكار الي ان اصبح الصباح وبعد كمالت القداديس فجمعنا الريس وسالنا انكان استقمنا عن نيت الخروج من الدير فقلنا له نعم. حيندٍ امر بان يحضروا لنا حوايجنا وشلحونا ثياب التجربه ولبسنا ثيابنا وكنا اربعه الفقير وداود ابن جبور الكويس ويوسف ابن شاهين جلبي وميخاييل بن توما حوا فبعدما لبسنا ثيابنا ودعنا الريس والرهبان وخرجنا من الدير.
Relieved, I went to my cell to think about what I would do. I spent all day and night until morning lost in thought. After the masses were over, the abbot gathered us all together and asked if we still intended to leave the monastery.
“Yes,” we replied.
So the abbot ordered that our personal effects be returned to us. The monks had us remove our initiation robes and we put on our own clothes again. There were four of us: myself, Dāwūd ibn Jabbūr al-Kwayyis, Yūsuf ibn Shāhīn Çelebi, and Mikhāʾīl ibn Tūmā Ḥawā. Once we were dressed, we said goodbye to the abbot and the monks, and left the monastery.
٢٦،١
وفي ذلك الوقت وصل الي الدير ريس العام وهو القس عبد الله ابن قري علي فهذا لما رانا خارجين حزن من جري طلوعنا من الدير فصلي علينا ودعاني الي جانبه واحكي معي سرًا قايلًا اعتقد يا ابني ان كل الذين خرجوا من المبتديين ما عدت اقبل منهم ولا واحد ولكن ان انت رجعت بقبلك وباركني وقلي امضي بسلام.
At that precise moment, the superior general, Father ʿAbdallāh ibn Qarāʿalī, happened to arrive at the monastery.16 He was saddened to see us leaving, and began to pray for us. He called me over to his side.
“Know this, my son,” he said to me privately. “I’ve never allowed a single novice who left the monastery to return. But if you come back, I’ll accept you.”
He blessed me and told me to go in peace.
٢٧،١
ثم مضينا جميعنا