From Me To We
A relationship guide, to finding love for women who have the courage to ask for direction.
Toni-Marie Taherian
Copyright © 2013 Toni-Marie Taherian
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior consent of the publisher.
The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial damages.
2013-02-20
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my parents who know the meaning of true love, and have made me strive to reach this ideal in every one of my relationships. When I realized how far I have drifted from my ideal, my father taught me the importance of seeing reality in it’s true form. I am forever learning on this continuing journey of life, and hopefully I can transmit those lessons learnt, to those who can most benefit from it. I also would like to dedicate this book to a special friend, who inspired me to look into this beautiful subject, and share those insights with you.
Acknowledgments
My special thanks my friends Mansour Abosedgh, Anna Fogg and Rebecca Taherian for challenging discussions on the contents of this book. I would like to extend my gratitude to Amel Oudjida who put her heart and soul in editing the text. Her enthusiasm and skill have greatly improved my work.
INTRODUCTION
When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No, do not blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is! – Captain Mandolin
We can’t help ourselves. All those fairy tales leave us brainwashed at a tender age, and the one thing we aspire to is the ‘happily ever after’. The normal process is forgotten; two people searching for each other and there is a challenge to overcome. Someone or something inevitably standing in the way of true love. Cinderella had the ugly stepsisters and the evil stepmother. Snow White also had an evil stepmother, who fed her a poisoned apple causing her to fall into a deep sleep. Sleeping Beauty also fell asleep, because of the interfering wicked witch, who cast a spell on her. The fairy tale takes us on a journey through the difficult times to make the pleasant times even more intense. However, the fairy tales do not go into much detail about the ‘happily ever after’. The stories do not speak of the compromise, nor of the differences and challenges that we are up against. The desire for the ‘happily ever after’ has become part of our psychological makeup and often leaves us feeling disappointed.
A powerful predictor of relationship satisfaction is the difference between how you think he feels about you and how you would like him to feel. Unfortunately, few academic or parental figures teach us the importance of chemistry; the effect of providing the right amount of attention, understanding the difference between being caring, needy and cold, or how to handle, manage and express a compliment or anger. Everyone has their own fantasy world, their personal ‘happily ever after’. There is nothing wrong with fairy tales, but you need to get to know the person before fantasising about him. You may not actually want to be part of his fairy tale. Never rush; take your time in understanding him well, and do not waste time and energy on the wrong person. Choose and plan carefully.
In the dating world, many of us are looking for a definitive structure with little thinking or reflection required, not realizing that the dating world is without concept or structure, and is full of diversions and dimensions. There are no formulas, templates or rules in relationships that can be applied to every man you meet. Yet there are many books that try to devise or define rules, resulting in frustrated women who follow the instructions only to fail in the long run.
To attract the man you feel you may not naturally attract, you must understand his psychology. Every person is different; therefore, one law does not govern all. After all, dating is a game. Though there is not one approach that works for every person, if you can grasp his psychological makeup you can find a way to his heart. Men are not all the same; a quality attractive to one man can prove unattractive to the next. Behaving exactly the same with every guy you meet is a recipe for disaster.
It is important to assess and eventually find your mutual expectations for a perfect relationship. The ability to unlock his heart is the ultimate form of power. With such power at your fingertips, you can attract more than just a man; you can just as easily draw in a crowd or even a nation. Love is a by-product of temptation. To put this into practice, you need to adapt to him through careful planning. This can be done by pin-pointing where his vulnerabilities and expectations lie. All you need is to understand a few simple psychological tips, which are outlined in the subsequent chapters.
This book is a guide for women of all ages who want to understand basic male psychology. It teaches you how to communicate in order to get the best out of a relationship, from the honeymoon period through the ‘happily ever after’. Explore the following chapters for successful strategies that you may have already used subconsciously. This way you will understand why these techniques are so effective, and before you put these strategies into practice ensure they will not backfire.
HOW LOVE BEGINS
Love is the state in which man sees things; most widely different from what they are. –Nietzsche
With each passing minute, we inch closer to the end of life. With time we begin to lose the true sensation of feeling vibrant. The real world is full of a series of harsh events beyond our control. We dream to escape reality, hoping to make the dream a reality. The need for love comes from the lack of a partner; the empty void in the soul that longs to be filled. We dream of meeting the person who may change our lives for the better.
Falling in love is not a conscious decision; it is the intense subconscious desire to enrich our lives. As the trigger is subconscious, it makes love seem complicated. Emotional feelings are associated with feeling more alive, more engaged, open and active. Love has the ability to create feelings of euphoria, whether the love is parental or romantic, a long-term commitment or an intense attachment to another person. Love is the chemical reaction triggered by the ideal situation of having true feelings towards someone.
Sometimes love is not how you feel, but rather how you feel about yourself when you are with the other person. When someone stirs your emotions, you begin to lose the ability to see clearly. Gripped by the emotion, you interpret what is happening with the feelings you enjoy, whilst in denial about anything that does not quite fit. That is why the old saying states that love is blind, because you may overlook a certain reality which displeases you. The feeling of love is caused by a distorted image that matches your desires. Feelings of love can be false, possibly produced through misconceived and or misunderstood circumstances. Love is therefore deceptive of who the other truly is.
Romantic love can endure a lifetime but often does not, as emotions can be brief and circumstances can change. Romantic love begins with a type of addiction to the pleasure you can provide. Emotions begin quickly most of the time; so quickly that our conscious mind does not acknowledge it. Emotions also are fleeting, so an emotion can be felt one moment and not the next. Romantic