My days consist of going to the gym, going to work, and going out. My job also gives me the amazing opportunity to live (and I mean live it up right) months at a time in travel to foreign countries like Argentina, Venezuela, Mexico, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. With nearly thirty-five countries under my belt, I’m trying to put that old sailor adage to work — having a girl in every port, as my mom likes to say with a smirk of judgment and a twinge of guilt laced in it. At work, I pass the time wondering where our next blowout event will be by chatting profusely with my own tier-two rat pack via IM.
I still have to work hard for my next hot date, as I drive a Nissan, I have a roommate who is my best friend, and I make under $50K. Yes, the not-so-fancy ride and less-than-fancy apartment is the root of insecurity. There is always a more handsome guy with a better job, more money, and nicer things. I compare, I judge, and I keep trying to keep up. I continue to hope there is a purposed-filled light at the end of this directionless tunnel.
“We should be keeping it light and not get bogged down with anything. We’re too young to worry about the big picture yet. I say learn to live happy now and that will take you through your entire life.”
Nonprofit administrator, 27, married, Texas
For now, I continue to just move ahead and learn what it is I don’t want to do. I do not have a girlfriend, and while it would be nice to have one, in reality I can’t be bothered. Having one will just pose the dilemma of my potentially missing that next big party with more hot girls or another trip I’m planning with my buddies. The grass-is-greener mentality runs deep.
And, yes, I am overstretched in debt up to my ears and not so worried about how and when I’ll pay it off. I figure I’m smart enough, with a college education and a crazy work ethic, which will always bail me out. My friends are somewhat better off though. They all make more than me for working less. I get jealous; we’re a competitive group. It’s a healthy competition on the surface, but it pains me sometimes as I just wish things could come easier.
My life always has to have an activity. I guess I don’t fully feel comfortable with just being by myself. I mean I like myself, but I need stimulus; too much time alone sparks too many unwanted, racing thoughts about how boring life can be without a girl, money, and a set career path. A mild case of depression sets in. For me it’s a sign of weakness, and so I push through. Burying any notion of having a weakness is all too common. It just doesn’t fit into my schedule at the mature age of twenty-five.
I know there is probably a bigger, more substantive life out there for me, whatever my purpose is supposed to be. For now, though, the purpose seems to be about highs. I’m an adrenaline junkie. Perhaps the anticipation of my next fun-filled activity is causing me to forget about the actual ride and preventing me from appreciating all that’s around me? I think that could be part of it. Still, something is telling me that this is my course for now and that a more meaningful one will unfold.
Whatever the life lessons that come my way, I try not to overthink it, but I do reflect on it. The grass won’t always be greener, or at least I will finally realize that this is really a cliché. The good thing that I keep telling myself is that at least I’m getting it out of my system so when the time is right to grow up, I may actually do so willingly.
STUCK IN NEVER-NEVER LAND
The dilemmas and questions of the twenty-something years can lead to another common and completely opposite reaction: rather than racing around in a fun-filled frenzy to avoid self-reflection, we allow our lack of direction to stop us completely. Where once we moved with purpose and excitement, now we hardly move at all.
“I thought I’d be at a different place by now. I’m twenty-seven, I’m broke, still living with my parents, and still working at the same job I had in college.”
Bookstore employee, 27, single, Ohio
Common estimates are that approximately 48 percent of students who graduate from college move back into their parents’ home either right after school or several years afterward. This group of twenty-something “boomerangers” often get stuck in a never-never land made very comfortable by their parents. Though it looks different than the Peter Pan Syndrome, I think this is the same type of reaction to the overwhelming pressures and expectations twenty somethings feel, particularly among those who were overachievers in high school and college. Many twenty somethings run out of steam, feel overwhelmed by financial burdens, develop a defeatist attitude, and get stuck — hiding from the responsibilities, choices, and disappointments adulthood brings.
DECLARATION: I tell myself that I still have plenty of timeto change my life and figure out what I want to do,but I lack the desire to start that process.
I don’t really feel all that stressed as a twenty something. I used to, but now I am kind of indifferent. It’s a little strange, I guess, seeing that I live with my parents and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I guess I am most worried over what I ultimately will do, but after thinking about it for two years, I still don’t feel I have any direction. Yet somehow none of that gets to me too much; I’ve just gotten comfortable with where I am. Or maybe I’ve just gotten complacent.
My twenty-something life is not turning out like I expected. I slacked off too much in college and had to transfer to a small school close to home and move in with my parents. Also, for reasons I don’t really understand, my commitment to getting a good job is gone. I just don’t have a great work ethic when it comes to really getting out there and networking or job hunting, even though I was a total overachiever in high school. Maybe I just burned out.
I tell myself that I still have plenty of time to change my life and figure out what I want to do. I wish I knew three years ago what I know now, because if I did, things may have been different. I would not have taken things for granted. When I look at what I could afford on my blue-collar-job salary, my parents four-bedroom house in the suburbs is a lot nicer. Maybe my problem is my life is too easy, and I’ve accepted it the way it is.
“Being a twenty something is like being a fish in a fishbowl. Everyone around you is looking in, and they assume you know what you are doing and you are following the guidelines of what it is to be a fish.”
Teacher, 29, serious relationship, Texas
A common trend I see in twenty somethings today, especially among those with parents who are “friends” with their children, is the tendency to lean on their parents a little too much. This makes it hard to have your own life, relationships, opinions, and independence. If you are financially or emotionally dependent on your parents, recognize it’s time to grow up and become your own parent. It’s understandable if you need to live at home; just make it temporary. Create an “exit strategy.” Start by paying rent for your room, and set a move out date. Then create a plan and budget for living on your own. Roommates, second jobs, and fewer shopping sprees may be the not-so-fun price for independence, but they are also great motivators for improving your situation. Living at home may be easy, but it’s not your home. Get out of never-never land — reality may sometimes bite, but you can’t stay a kid forever.
“I truly think one of the best things I did for myself and my sanity was move out of my mom and dad’s house. It has allowed me to get to know myself better and not be so afraid of being alone with myself. My parents were not supportive, but I did what I needed to and we are all the better for it, especially me.”
Administrative assistant, 26, single, North Dakota
WHAT’S YOUR TWENTY?
Where are you in your