| Daring Act of Love Date Yourself, and Include Romance! |
A romantic table for one, please! That is the reservation you will be making this week. You are taking yourself out for a romantic date, the most romantic excursion you can imagine. Invite yourself out for a night of intimate connection. Make choices — from the dress to the dinner to the nightcap — that lend themselves to intimate conversation and experiences with yourself. Don’t pick the loud, trendy restaurant. Dare to go to where all the couples go. Wear your most flirty dress and sexy shoes. Buy yourself flowers. Have a warm robe ready and romantic music playing when you get home.
On this date, make a real effort to get to know yourself better. Bring a journal, turn your phone and all electronic devices off (I mean completely powered off, not on vibrate), and let go of caring about what anyone but you thinks. Put all your attention on yourself, and see what she reveals.
Double Dare: Take yourself on a romantic weekend getaway.
Misunderstanding #2. Self-Love Is Narcissistic and Selfish
I’ve actually met a few real true-blooded narcissists in my day. I’ve dated them, my friends have married them, and I’ve even had them living under my roof. And while, yes, they were self-absorbed and self-centered to a fault, they did not love themselves. In fact, I would say they didn’t know love at all.
According to the Mayo Clinic, “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings.” The narcissist is excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, “but behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” Hmmm. While I am not a person trained to analyze and help such people, it seems to me that this isn’t self-love. This is self-loathing.
Love Truth The more you love yourself, the more you will love others.
Loving yourself is not something you do instead of loving others. Loving yourself is the prerequisite to loving others. In order to give love to others, you must have love to give. How can you give what you do not have? You cannot. Just as you cannot lend money you don’t have, you cannot give unconditional love if you don’t first feel unconditional love for yourself. Most of us, until we consciously choose to commit to loving ourselves, spend our lives giving love to others based on conditions, and so we also learn to give love to ourselves based on conditions. In either case, both we and those we love lose out.
You see, love is not an either-or choice; it’s a both-and circumstance. Self-love doesn’t exclude others; it includes others. The more love you generate for yourself, the more love you have to give, because, as a rule, love always creates more love. Although our mainstream society has been blind to this love truth for centuries, spiritual teachers who live by the rules of love have known it forever. Consider what some of them have written or spoken about it:
“You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserves your love and affection.” — Buddha
“I love myself … I love you. I love you… I love myself.” — Rumi
“No matter how much we give love, if we don’t give it to ourselves, nobody can love us enough.” — Louise Hay
“If enough of us embrace love, the world will eventually be saturated with love. The love in the world begins with the love within ourselves.”
— Deepak Chopra
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” — Lucille Ball
Love Truth Sometimes you will be self-absorbed and self-centered, because that is what will be required of you as your own best friend.
When you need to take care of yourself, to go for your dreams, or to set healthy boundaries in relationships, you have to be willing to take a stand for yourself — without apology, guilt, or fear of being called a narcissist. Here’s the good news: If you aren’t already a full-blown narcissist, you’re not going to become one. Narcissism isn’t contagious. Honestly, you are more likely to be too selfless than too selfish. So you really have nothing to worry about.
Deep down, you know that choosing me before we is often required for your own health, sanity, and happiness. Your best friend would never say to you, “How dare you be so selfish! You are such a narcissist.” She’d tell you, “Love yourself enough to take care of yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. The best thing you can do for those you love is to love yourself.”
1. Do you believe you must love others before loving yourself?
2. Are you afraid you will become or be called selfabsorbed if you put yourself first?
3. Imagine telling your friends or family that you have made a promise to fall in love with yourself. Does this bring up fear?
4. Do you feel uncomfortable putting your needs and wants before other people’s — at home or at work — even when doing so is exactly what you need in order to take care of your physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial well-being?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, jump into the bathtub! If you answered no to all, move on to misunderstanding #3.
Scrub Off the Dirt — Get Your Love Loofah and Go to It!
“I release the belief that loving myself means I love others less.”
Rub in the Love — Imprint This Love Mantra into Your Heart,
Body, Mind, and Spirit
“The better I love myself, the better I can love others.
This can only be good.”
| Daring Act of Love Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall … |
According to myth, Narcissus met his fate when he stared at his reflection for so long that he fell in love with his image, and he died staring at it. He was infatuated with himself. But unlike Narcissus, you intend to engage in self-love, not self-infatuation. Self-love is rooted in seeing yourself through the eyes of love, and it makes you better able to do the same with others — “both/ and,” remember! Surviving this self-love dare will prove that you never have to be afraid of being a narcissist! Every morning after showering or washing your face, head straight to the mirror and get really close, so close you can see the color of your eyes. Keep staring into your eyes until you can see yourself. Look deeply until you feel something inside you stir. That’s when you’ll know you’ve broken through the layer that masks your heart and soul.
Now challenge yourself to look even deeper, to connect to the spirit that is you. See into your Self. Once you feel the connection — a flutter in your heart or stomach, or a grounded sense, even if it’s just a glimmer — inhale and say out loud to yourself:
“I love you, <<insert your name>>.” Repeat the Love Mantra at least ten times, making a real effort to see yourself as you say the words.
Double Dare: For extra love throughout the day, sneak a peek in any mirror and, instead of checking your hair, whisper to yourself, “<<insert name>>,