People Who Love Themselves Are Conceited and Vain
These words are deadly to anyone who wants to freely express love for herself! Being a braggart is right up there with being a leper in our society. No one likes a boastful, “hey-look-at-me-I-am-so-great” person. But being a braggart — someone no one likes to be around — is very different from being a person who truly loves herself and is unafraid to express that love. How can you tell the difference? It’s all in the come-from. Are your words coming from lack or from love? There is a big difference between being “full of yourself” and being “full of love for yourself.”
Love Truth Bragging is not the same as letting your brilliance shine. One is an effort to fill a lack of love, the other is a gift of love.
Recall times when you have been with people who went on and on about how great they were or who were so into themselves that there was no room for you. What did their energy feel like? Did their vibes feel welcoming? Did they seem as if they were present, as if they connected with you? Unlikely. More likely you felt distant from them, pushed away. As if each had created a giant force field that let in only adoration and accolades and that kept intimacy and authentic connection out. Just like narcissists, people who brag and become overly obsessed with their looks and status are usually overcompensating for the feeling that they lack something in another area of their lives. All the bravado, props, and primping are signs of deep insecurity. This is not self-love. This is undiscovered, often undetectable, self-hate — a result of a severe lack of love.
Compare one of these people to a person you know who is confident, unafraid to shine. A person who expresses himself or herself fully without shrinking back, yet who is fully present, welcoming, and genuinely interested in connecting heart to heart with other people. This could be someone you personally know, or someone you’ve admired from afar. What do you notice about his or her energy? Is this person open or closed to connection? Does he or she generate more love and connection or less? I bet more. People like that don’t need to brag; they just shine. And they do so because they love themselves. They also know that their shine gives others permission to shine too.
Love Truth The brighter you shine, the more love you create.
The brighter you shine, the more clearly you give permission to others to share their gifts to their fullest extent. Imagine if all people on the planet were unafraid to share their divine gifts! Nothing vain about that. Many of the world’s problems would be quickly solved, and I’ll bet that people would be less crabby and way happier.
When people truly do love who they are, they can, without apology, be themselves without holding back. They don’t have to prove something or protect their deep insecurity from being seen. They don’t need to brag, and yet they are unafraid to own their greatness, often because they know their greatness is an expression of the divine within them. The last time I checked, no one thought the divine was a conceited braggart!
1. Do you feel shy expressing the real and full you? In the moments when you could shine, do you tend to pull back?
2. Are you humble to a fault? Do you believe that giving yourself kudos or expressing your pride is negative, taboo, or uncouth?
3. Do you have a hard time receiving compliments? Do you discount a compliment by saying things like, “Oh, that’s not such a big deal,” or “This old thing? I’ve had it forever,” and so on?
4. Do you ever hold yourself back from shining, either because you don’t want others to feel bad or because you’re afraid they will judge or reject you?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s scrub-a-dub-dub time! If you answered no to all, move on to misunderstanding #4.
Scrub Off the Dirt — Grab Your Love Loofah and Go to It!
“I release the belief that expressing love for myself is conceited and vain.”
Rub in the Love — Melt This Love Mantra into Your Heart,
Body, Mind, and Spirit
“I know that when I express my brilliance, I am expressing love. This can only be good.”
| Daring Act of Love Make a Public Display of Love for Yourself |
Time to come out of the closet about loving yourself. Don’t fear, we’ll start small. No need to get out the “I am Madly in Love with ME!” flag yet (although if you’re inspired, go for it). Think of a person in your life who’d clearly support your love for yourself, someone you can trust who can give you unconditional love. Pick up the phone and call that person (no emailing) and tell him or her that you are taking a vow to love yourself, just as people who get married take vows. Share the vow and tell this person why you are excited about keeping it.
Start by saying, “I am taking a vow to love myself no matter what, and…” or “I am taking a vow to become my own best friend, and…” Explain that you are making this public display of love for yourself because, by going public, you’re more likely to keep the promise.
Double Dare: Ask your friend to help you stick to your promise. Give your friend permission to tell you when she or he sees you breaking it. Accountability with love makes success a gazillion times more likely.
Misunderstanding #4. If You Pamper Yourself, You Love Yourself
If I could remove the word pamper from the dictionary, I would. Not because I don’t enjoy the activities that are often associated with the word pamper, which means “to overindulge” — such as a combo manicure and pedicure or a spendy lunch or weekend spa visit. It’s because the notion of taking specific days during the year — which are usually few and far between — to pamper ourselves has created the notion that it’s acceptable to nurture and treat ourselves well only on “special” days, not every day. To make fabulous self-care or delicious self-pleasure part of every day — why, that would be selfish. To focus on yourself every day — why, that would be narcissistic. Well, who says?
The truth is that self-love is not something you do only on vacation or at the spa. You don’t schedule it for Wednesdays and then spend the other six days of the week running yourself ragged, engaging in toxic relationships, or hating your body. Loving yourself is something you do every day, in every moment, for the rest of your life. Self-love is a way of living, a practice, and an awareness that you carry with you as a compass and a decision guide to how to live your life. It has nothing to do with how big your spa bill is, how many days you work out, or how often you get your nails done or buy yourself a nice outfit, but everything to do with how you nurture your mind, body, heart, and soul every day. In fact, some of the people who pamper themselves the most love themselves the least — overindulging in pampering just provides a good-looking mask for the lack of self-love.
Love Truth Self-love is a choice made in every moment, every day, not something you do only on special days.
Self-love is a moment-by-moment, everyday practice. It’s one you start your morning with, live your day with, and go to bed with. And like anything you practice, the more you practice it, the better you become. The best thing about practicing self-love is that unlike many things you were forced to practice as a kid, practicing self-love every day is fun and ridiculously rewarding!
1. Do you start your day by jumping out of bed and rushing around serving others or taking on your to-do list before either taking care of yourself or connecting with yourself?
2. Do you go for days without nurturing your body, mind, and spirit? And then realize you have run yourself down to zero?
3. Do you take good care of your body — get