Think about it this way. If you saw a woman loving her child in public, what would you think? That she’s a good woman doing a good thing, right? If you witnessed a woman spending her time and energy nurturing others, what would you believe? Good woman doing a good thing. If you heard a woman expressing how much she loves her parents, friends, or partner, what would you say to yourself? Good woman doing a good thing. She is a loving person.
Now let’s say that same woman turns the love around and directs it at herself instead of others. Imagine her saying something like “I really love myself.” What would you think? Be honest. That she’s conceited? Audacious? Full of herself? What if this woman told you she’d made a decision to take care of herself before giving to someone else? Would you think of her as selfish? Narcissistic? You probably wouldn’t be thinking, “There goes a good woman doing a good thing; she is a loving person,” because your belief system has programmed you to think that openly and fully loving yourself is not acceptable, that taking care of yourself first is selfish.
You live in a society that has made it more comfortable to read a book about the ten ways to get a guy or girl to fall in love with you, or to obsess about your romantic love life, than to share your self-love journey with your friends and family. You’re bombarded with images and media, like reality TV shows, whose underlying message tells you it’s normal to look to outside sources for confirmation that you are good enough, rather than to unapologetically stand for self-respect and self-worth.
Given the cultural climate, it’s no wonder we have such a hard time loving ourselves. I have no doubt that every person at the spiritual center that day believed loving oneself is a fabulous idea. Fear of being seen as selfish, conceited, or vain prohibited them from freely expressing what they had come to receive: self-love. If not for the collective belief that selflove is selfish, the recognition that “self-love lets you love others more not less” would have prevailed. Fear wouldn’t have stopped them from expressing the most powerful force in the world — love — even when that love is directed inward.
The rest of this book is dedicated to showing you how to give love to and express love for yourself, always — how to choose love for yourself in all its forms, again and again, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly for the rest of your life. Choosing self-love is like taking a powerful stand for yourself and saying no! to accepting the energy of hate, abuse, neglect, shame, fear, and guilt, whether that energy comes from yourself or from anyone else. And it’s saying yes! to receiving and giving love in its many forms — to receiving love from and giving love to yourself first and, as a result, sharing the overflow of love with those around you.
No matter what direction love is pointed — toward others or toward yourself — love is always good.
If you complete the journey this book can take you on, then not only will you be able to say, “I love you!” to yourself out loud without shying away, but also, most important, you will be able to make big life decisions and everyday choices that are congruent with, and aligned with, love. That is, you will act like a woman who truly does love herself. It’s one thing to say, “I love you,” but to act on that love is the true test, and it’s where the true power lies. Note that choosing is an active verb. To choose requires you to make a choice to give love to yourself, to express love, or to receive love.
The more you act from self-love, the greater will be your ability to feel love for yourself no matter what is going on in your relationships, the outside world, or your external circumstances. You will become empowered to draw love from within yourself, rather than have to look for it in someone or something else. You will become masterful at filling your mind with loving thoughts, even when self-doubt, fear, and self-criticism are knocking on your mind’s door. And as a result, you will find it easy and natural to act with love and kindness toward yourself.
You see, in addition to being one of the best ideas in the world, loving yourself, and making sure that you have the love, care, happiness, joy, and peace you desire, is a necessity. You need love in order to survive and thrive. And while there are many ways to get this love from outside ourselves, it’s when we remember how to get it from inside that we come to know the deep levels of love that our heart and soul crave.
The good news is that you already know how to love yourself; you’ve just forgotten. You were actually born in love with yourself; it’s your natural state. Think back to yourself as a little girl, to a moment when you remember being carefree and open to the wonder of the world, a moment when your light was superbright, before anyone told you to dim it down. Even if you can’t remember a specific time when you felt this way, this part of you that could fully and freely be, love, and live you still exists.
Close your eyes for a moment, put your hand on your heart, and just see if you can feel this younger self, maybe even see her, sense her. Maybe you can recall a time when you were doing something you loved as a little girl — playing, creating, laughing. Maybe a time when she was all alone, with no one but her “magical” friends (whether imaginary friends, stuffed animals, or a favorite doll). This is the part of you that knows how to love yourself easily and without care for what others may think. As we go through our magical, fantastical journey together, we want to connect with that part of you as much as possible, because she is going to be a huge ally. She will give you permission to be madly in love … with yourself.
If you’d like some assistance in connecting with your little-girl self, I’ve recorded a meditation for you called “Come Play with ME!” It’s a visualization that will reconnect you powerfully and sweetly to your inner little girl. Sometimes our little-girl selves are easy to access, and sometimes they like to stay hidden. Whichever is the case for you, know that it’s okay; you can rest assured that she is going to come out to play, to be loved and adored, on this adventure. You can download this visualization at www.SelfLoveMeditations.com.
You should know that self-love, while yummy, fulfilling, and healing, is by nature a daring adventure, one designed not to make you comfortable but instead to bring you more love, which is often uncomfortable. We do what works, regardless of what you may look like in the process or what other people might think. In fact, the farther out of your comfort zone you move, the more likely you are to bust through the blocks standing between you and your ability to love yourself well, unconditionally, and forever.
The other piece of good news I have for you is that there are steps to take, practices to follow, understandings to reach, and choices to make in order to increase your ability to choose self-love — and I will share them with you in the pages that follow. You will be invited to partake in all kinds of interesting, daring, playful, and profoundly shifting opportunities to deepen the relationship you have with yourself, to come to new understandings about yourself, to move out of your comfort zone and into your full-self zone, to bust through blocks that prevent you from acting as your own best friend, and to become better able to choose love for yourself in any situation. I invite you to dive into every single one of these experiences and escapades with the curiosity and carefree spirit of your little-girl self and the commitment and conviction of a woman who knows all too well the consequences of not loving herself enough. Today marks a turning point in your life. Whether you have been on a self-love, selfdiscovery, or self-healing journey for years or you are just getting started, this adventure holds something for every woman and girl. Because the truth is, loving ourselves is something we need to do for ourselves every day, and something we are always getting better at!
By making the choice to take this daring adventure inside yourself at this time in your life — through your mind, body, heart, spirit, and soul — you have made a commitment to more deeply honor the most essential relationship in your life, the one with yourself.
My promise is to be your guide on this adventure to the best of my ability. As a person who has spent over a decade relearning