Now that radiation treatments have started, I am being weaned off that medication. I’m praying that the radiation will work quickly and efficiently so I can stay off. The net result of all this is that I’m pretty much done in shortly after dinnertime.
I had my second radiation treatment later this afternoon, and due to the timing of that appointment, we were not able to make our prayer time with our church elders. I was pretty disappointed about that. It is still a high priority for me, and so we will plan to reschedule. My thanks to all of you who prayed anyway. I am deeply moved by your care, kindness and faith. What an amazing gift you are giving to my family and me.
Tomorrow will be my third radiation treatment, and then I get a break for the weekend before starting again on Monday. I can’t tell you how great it is in this season of weariness to be enjoying the most delicious meals without having to prepare them all myself. I love cooking…just not right now. :)
Day 24—Medical Update and Sacred Moments
By Brenda Pue—January 24, 2014 5:32 p.m.
Here’s a quick medical update from today. I had my third radiation treatment, and second daughter Shari came, bringing lots of love and joy along (third daughter Kirstie came yesterday, and first daughter Kris will join us on Monday). When we arrived home today, we learned that the lung biopsy has been moved from February 17th to this Monday. This place sure moves fast, and we are grateful. My mom is going to come and stay with us, and I’m so excited.
Two days ago, I shared about our whirlwind day at the cancer agency on Wednesday. There is something from that day that I am still savouring. After seven hours of appointments, meetings, tests, and trying to absorb information “on the fly,” we began our drive back to Langley. I think the word that best describes the tone of that drive home is “numb.” We arrived home, where some of our family awaited.
We had slowly begun unpacking the day when the doorbell rang. A dear friend and soulmate, who was scheduled to bring a meal, stood there with smiling eyes and arms loaded with food, roses, and more treats. We went into the living room to talk. She ministered to me in her winsome way, telling me all the different ways she is praying for me. She had taken photos and written captions for each one. I’m including two of the photos here for you. The first one is an image of “Carson and Brenda” nestled in the Rock (Jesus), and the second one is an image of our whole family, all 12 of us nestled in the Rock. As I sat with her, I knew that somehow God was divinely present in those few moments we shared. Peace washed over me in gentle waves. I believe that life is full of sacred and divine moments—I seem to be noticing them more lately.
Photo credit: Kathy Bentall
Day 25—Pondering Pain
By Brenda Pue—January 25, 2014 9:49 p.m.
It was good to have a break from radiation treatments today. We’ve been told that the radiation keeps working post treatments. I confess that this afternoon has been physically hard for me, so I’m pondering the difficult concept of pain and suffering. I’ve had a range of feelings about this. And this isn’t my first time in the ring, staring pain down.
We all instinctively avoid pain. And yet it is unavoidable. So what do we do with it? Some run. Some self-soothe. Some get angry and frustrated. And every now and again, you come across a remarkable soul who embraces it. These ones, I believe, have learned profound truths about themselves, about the world, and about God in the very act of embracing. I’m aware that the crux of our struggle is marrying the idea of a good God with human suffering. They just don’t seem to “couple” very well.
One of my favourite books on the subject is called The Problem of Pain, by C. S. Lewis. He tackles this unseemly marriage in this book. I commend it to you, if this is something you are wrestling with as a result of my circumstances or someone else’s situation. This quote from the book resonates with me:
We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.1
Thank you for your kind words and beautiful prayers for my family and me. Please know that we pray for you too!
Day 26—Anchor
By Kristin Pue—January 26, 2014 3:58 p.m.
For those of you that don’t know me, I am Kristin, Brenda’s daughter-in-law (married to Jason).
As I was driving to church this morning I was struck by the fact that only a short four weeks ago, we were finishing up our family Christmas activities and settling in to enjoy the last part of our holidays. A week later we started on this journey with Mom that has changed everything. The last three weeks have felt like months, but in this time I have grown to love my family more and more with each passing day.
I married into the Pue family almost 10 years ago. From the moment I met Brenda and Carson, they treated me like a daughter. Jer and Jon have always been my little brothers that I never had. And for the last 12 years, my parents and Jason’s parents have been friends. That is something I will never take for granted. The love and care that our two families share is beyond anything I could have imagined.
For as long as I’ve known Brenda/Mom she has carried herself with such amazing grace and faith. She loves her boys beyond anything, and she has wisdom that is better than any book! She has often been the one I’ll call in tears of frustration in raising my two boys, and she gladly and calmly talks me through each situation. And no matter what she has going on, her family is always put above it, and in this situation that she is now faced with—this has not changed.
Mom is leading us all through this with such strength. Her unwavering faith, her positive attitude, her strength and her character constantly amaze me. Now I’m not saying she hasn’t had her moments, because we all have, and we all will, but she always comes out with a smile on her face because she is being held by the hand of God.
As a family, we are constantly encouraged by the amazing support that you all have shown us. We know without a shadow of a doubt that there is an army behind us, praying for Mom and believing for her healing. Thank you for doing that for us.
There have been days that have felt so low, so hopeless, but no matter what, God has given us all a peace that passes our own understanding. This song has been one that I’ve clung to these last few weeks:
ANCHOR
By Ben Fielding and Dean Ussher
I have this hope as an anchor for my soul
Through every storm, I will hold to You
With endless love, all my fear is swept away
In everything I will trust in You
There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand, unshakeable
Unchanging One, You who was and is to come
Your promise sure, You will not let go
There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand, unshakeable
Unchanging One, You who was and is to come