Brenda was a remarkable woman, and it is not surprising that her account of her last days is equally remarkable. We want to suggest that this written legacy is a privilege, a blessing and a challenge.
First, this account is a privilege. We are, as it were, invited in to be alongside Brenda, her family and many friends as they struggle together with her illness. This is deeply helpful. It is easy to talk about suffering in the abstract, as a problem for philosophy and a challenge to theology. Yet we do not experience suffering as a theoretical element in some academic debate; we experience it as a painful, life-shaking event. Here, however, we are involved in the solid realities of a chronic illness: of encouraging and discouraging medical results; of the bittersweet nature of birthdays, holidays and family gatherings under the shadow of parting; and of the trials of busy lives thrown into disarray by illness. Here we read of real faith in the midst of the severest of trials.
Second, this account is a blessing. “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” writes the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:55 (NIV). Yet for many people intimidated by the looming prospect of life’s end, Paul’s words can seem to be the ultimate example of whistling in the dark. For a lot of people, the prospect of dying overshadows the business of living. Every birthday, every obituary heard or read, comes as a menacing nudge that one day our time will come. Here, however, Brenda’s faith allows her to rejoice deeply and genuinely; in the midst of it all, she enjoys life. For Brenda there is sunlight in the valley of the shadow of death. This book is not about dying with cancer; it is about living with it.
Third, this account is a challenge. Brenda writes, “I have chosen to live life with faith.” It’s a phrase well worth pondering on. Brenda’s life was one well lived with God. In her life she was an enormous help and encouragement to many, and as her legacy this book extends that influence. This book challenges us to think about our own deaths. Would we—will we—face our end with such radiant hope? But oddly enough this account is also a challenge to how we live. In this book we see open, almost outrageous, happiness and delight in the pleasures of life. There is deep rejoicing in little things in family, friends and fellowship. There is, too, a rich joy and hope in the reading of Scripture. In her dying, Brenda seems more alive than many of us in our living.
You often hear it said that someone “lost the battle with cancer.” To read this book is not to read of any lost battle. In fact, to read it is to learn of a victory. This account sounds a splendid and defiant note of triumph. In her life Brenda was a woman who inspired many. We have found this account of her last days on this earth no less inspiring. May it be so for you.
J. John and Killy John
Preface
By Carson Pue
This book is a journal written by the inspiring Brenda Pue throughout her living with cancer. It is filled with courage, faith, humour, love and specific requests for prayer in her time of illness. Her words have encouraged not only those closest to her but tens of thousands around the world.
Brenda is one of the authentic ones, the real thing. I only wish you could know and hear her voice so the tone of faith, love and laughter might be heard in her written words.
This is Brenda’s book. You will find a few guest entries at the beginning as we share what led up to her starting to journal her journey. The book closes with a glimpse of her legacy as our children tell of “Mom’s” journey from their perspective. Once in a while Brenda would ask family to do an update when she was simply unable.
Amongst Brenda’s many talents she was an editor, having edited at least six published books that I know of. So I struggled with whether to edit her entries and decided to leave them untouched with the exception of obvious mistakes or a missing word or context. In these instances, we have used [square brackets] to indicate to you the reader that these have been added for clarification.
My role now is to share with you how this all started and give the backdrop to her writing, so let us begin what is a heartening, raise your spirits, uplifting story of life with cancer.
Day
1
to
11
Day 1 to Day 11—The Backdrop
By Carson Pue
It was New Year’s Day 2014. Brenda and I had gone to the airport to welcome an new associate pastor and his family arriving to begin their new life in Vancouver. Following this joyous welcome with a small group from the church, we went out with Darrell and Sharon Johnson (our senior pastor and his wife) for supper. We had a wonderful evening enjoying one another’s company and talking about the start of a new year.
Over supper, Brenda was just Brenda—full of joy, wisdom and life. My how we loved that simple supper. We said goodbye and got into the car for the hour drive home.
While I drove Brenda retrieved a message on her cellphone and put it on speakerphone so we could both listen. She thought for sure it was one of our adult children leaving a message or perhaps, even more delightful, a call from one of the beloved grandkids.
Brenda approaches everything with an “all in” attitude. You will discover this as you keep reading her journal. She was “all in” to retrieving this voicemail—smiling as she pressed the buttons on her phone to get to the messages. Over the speaker came the recognizable voice of our family doctor, calmly stating he would like Brenda to come in to see him the next day. Her smile turned to her classic “what’s that all about?” look as she asked me, “Why would Mitchell want me to come in tomorrow?”
Without recognizing the prophetic import I responded, “I don’t know, but when your family physician calls you on New Year’s Day, in the evening, it’s probably not good news.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but I just don’t know what it could be,” she replied.
And with that the car became rather quiet for the rest of the drive. When we got home, Brenda asked if I would pray with her that she would have peace and be able to sleep well.
The next morning, January 2, Brenda hopped out of bed full of enthusiasm to face the day. She went about her daily routine of a quiet time, a healthy breakfast and dressing beautifully for work. She looked stunning.
Brenda worked at Arrow Leadership Ministries, a leadership development program for Christian leaders in the church, mission organizations and the marketplace (www.arrowleadership.org). No, let me correct that. She didn’t just work at Arrow; she lived it. Brenda was the national founder of the ministry in Canada, starting it in 1995.
“Are you going to see Dr. Fagan before work?” I asked.
“No” she responded, “I’m going to go after work. All the staff are back today, and it’s time to come together as a team and get refocused after the Christmas break. I can hardly wait to see everyone.”
Brenda loved her work! She loved mentoring younger leaders, the mission of Arrow, Steve Brown, the president, and all the team members. It was contagious. Her joy overflowed whenever she spoke of Arrow.
Late that the afternoon Brenda called me, asking where I was on my commute home from downtown. I told her I was about a half hour away and asked what the doctor had been calling about.
“We will talk about it when you get home. See you soon, sweetie.”
With her adding “sweetie” at the end of her call, I thought, It can’t be anything she is worried about. There was not a hint of worry in her voice.
Arriving home, I walked in the door, and she came flying around the corner from the kitchen with a huge welcome-home smile and kiss. As she helped me take my coat off she asked if we could sit down and talk before we had supper. This was when I heard the whole story of her doctor’s visit.
You see, in late December Brenda had gone to our doctor to get a referral to see a physiotherapist because she had a “knot”