‘This meeting gives us a chance to work together and plan how we can best help you,’ Amelia said, addressing Joss. ‘First, perhaps you’d like to tell us how you feel you are settling in at Cathy’s. You’ve been there two weeks now.’
‘OK, I guess,’ Joss said with a shrug.
‘Cathy has children of a similar age to you,’ Amelia said. ‘How are you getting on with them?’
‘OK, I guess,’ Joss said again.
‘She’s getting on well with everyone,’ I said.
‘I can confirm that,’ Jill said. ‘Joss has settled in well.’ Although Joss’s stay with me so far had been far from easy, it was important we stayed positive as well as addressing the negative issues so that Joss could hear good things said about her too.
‘So you’re happy to stay at Cathy’s for the time being?’ Amelia now asked Joss. This wasn’t the right thing to say, and I saw Jill look at Amelia. The question suggested to Joss that she could leave whenever it suited her, which shouldn’t have been an option. Every child in care needs to feel secure by putting down roots with their foster family and bonding with them.
I was half expecting Joss to reply with something like, ‘For now, maybe,’ but to her credit and my relief she said, ‘Yeah. It’s OK.’
‘Good,’ Amelia said, making a note. ‘Is there anything you want to add about living at Cathy’s? Anything you particularly like or dislike?’
‘Not really,’ Joss said, and shrugged again.
‘All right,’ Amelia said. ‘Let’s start by looking at the contact arrangements with your natural family. As you know, you’re in care voluntarily, under what is known as a Section 20. That means you and your mother agreed it was best for you to come into care, so the department didn’t have to go to court for an order. We can therefore decide on the level of contact, and at present you go home when you want. I think it would be a good idea to formalize the contact arrangements so that you have set days when you see your family. For example, you could spend all day Saturday with them so you can see more of your brother.’
‘Yeah, I want to see more of Kevin,’ Joss said. ‘But not if he’s gonna be there.’ He, of course, was her stepfather.
Amelia looked at Linda for her response.
‘I can’t ask Eric to go out every Saturday,’ Linda said quietly. ‘It wouldn’t be right. It’s his home too.’ Which was a fair comment.
‘There! Told you!’ Joss exclaimed. ‘It’s always him!’
‘Perhaps Eric could go out for part of the day?’ Amelia suggested. ‘Or maybe you and the children could go out? To the cinema, shopping or to the park, or similar?’
‘It’s possible,’ Linda said. ‘I’d have to ask Eric. He likes to do things together as a family at the weekends.’
‘That’s right. You go and ask him! What about me?’ Joss snapped.
The problem Linda was experiencing is one faced by many stepfamilies: trying to be fair to all family members and cater for everyone’s needs. It’s a juggling act and plenty of stepfamilies struggle in the early years. For some it never works out, and sadly either the children leave home as soon as they can or the parents end up separating.
‘What do you think about going out with your mother and Kevin?’ Jill asked Joss, who was now tapping her fingers on the table and looking very moody. ‘Would you like to give it a try?’
‘Yeah, OK,’ Joss said.
‘I’ll talk to Eric and see what I can do,’ Linda said. ‘In the meantime, can we carry on as we have been, with Joss popping in when she’s free? I only work part-time so I’m home after school. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, it’s nice to see her.’
Again I felt so sorry for Linda, who was caught in the middle and trying to please everyone.
‘Or we could formalize it,’ Amelia persisted. ‘We could set some days when Joss definitely goes to you after school – say, Tuesdays and Thursdays, from four till six?’
‘No, that won’t work,’ Joss said. ‘I won’t know if I’m seeing my mates until the day.’ Joss liked to hang out with her friends after school, and that in itself was causing a problem, as she was getting into trouble with them.
‘I think I’ll leave it as it is,’ Linda said. ‘Then Joss can pop in when she wants to.’
Amelia accepted this and made a note. ‘But you will ask Eric about Saturdays?’
‘Yes,’ Linda said.
‘I need some more of my stuff from home,’ Joss now said. ‘I want my sound system.’
‘I’ve told you, you can have it,’ Linda said. ‘It’s yours. But I’m concerned it might get damaged if you take it on the bus.’
‘Perhaps I could bring Joss in my car to collect what she needs?’ I offered.
‘Thank you,’ Linda said. ‘It was an expensive present and I don’t want it broken.’
‘Shall we set a date for that then?’ Amelia asked.
‘Wednesday,’ Joss said.
‘That’s all right with me,’ Linda said.
‘And me,’ I confirmed. ‘What time?’
‘Five,’ Joss said.
I made a note in my diary. ‘You’ll need to come straight home after school, or I can pick you up in my car?’ I said.
‘I’ll use the bus,’ Joss said. ‘But I’m not speaking to the creep.’
‘Don’t talk about him like that, please,’ Linda said softly. ‘It’s very hurtful. He’s my husband.’
‘And I’m your daughter! Or was!’ Joss snapped. Linda didn’t respond, but I could see she was upset. It was the first time I’d seen mother and daughter together, and it was painful and pitiful to watch. Joss was clearly very angry with her mother and appeared to have the upper hand. I guessed Linda felt guilty that her marriage had resulted in Joss going into care and therefore she didn’t like to speak more firmly to her.
‘Is there anything else you need to make your stay at Cathy’s more comfortable?’ Amelia now asked Joss.
‘A front-door key,’ Joss said.
‘I’m sure Cathy has a spare one she can let you have,’ Amelia said, turning to me.
‘I have a spare key,’ I said. ‘But I’ve explained to Joss that she won’t be having it just yet. Not until she can show me she is responsible enough to own one – by coming home on time and improving her behaviour at school.’
Amelia and Linda looked slightly taken aback and glanced at Joss for her reaction.
‘I think that’s fair,’ Jill said.
‘So do I,’ Linda said, emboldened by the stand I was taking. ‘I made the mistake of giving Joss a key too young, and so did her other carers. I agree with Cathy. When Joss has proven she is adult enough, then she can have a key.’
‘Is that all right with you?’ Amelia asked Joss.
Of course it wasn’t all right with Joss, and it wasn’t wise to ask her. Young teenagers don’t always know what is best for them, and sometimes the adults responsible for them have to take charge for their own good.
‘No,’ Joss predictably said. ‘Supposing I get home before Cathy. I won’t be able to get in.’
Amelia looked at