Paula nodded. ‘That makes sense. I think I might be a child psychologist when I leave school and help children who’ve suffered. It’s interesting the way the mind works.’
‘It is,’ I agreed. ‘And a child psychologist is a very good career,’ I added, although I knew, of course, that Paula was young and could easily change her mind before she decided on a career.
‘Will Joss see a psychologist?’ Paula now asked.
‘Hopefully, or a counsellor, when she feels ready.’
‘I think it could help her, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ I said.
‘I don’t like it when she’s so angry.’
‘I know, love, it’s frightening to watch, but you know I’ll always protect you.’
She hugged me hard.
‘Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?’
‘Not really. I just wanted to make sure you were all right, and tell you I love you.’
‘I love you too,’ I said. ‘I’m fine, so don’t you worry about me. And, Paula, it’s nice that you let Joss into your room whenever she wants, but you know you don’t have to. If you want time alone, you can just tell her politely that you’ll see her later.’ I wondered if perhaps Paula was intimidated by Joss’s angry outbursts and felt she had to do whatever she asked.
‘I usually let her in because I feel sorry for her, and she’s OK to be with sometimes.’
‘That’s fine. But remember you don’t have to. It’s your room.’
We hugged and then I kissed her goodnight and came out. Thankfully, Paula and Lucy could talk about their worries. It was all quiet in Joss’s room, but I wanted to make sure she was OK too, so I went round and, giving a small knock, quietly opened her bedroom door. She always slept with the light on low, so I could easily see from the door that she was in bed and fast asleep. I closed the door again. There was no sound coming from Adrian’s room either, so I lightly knocked on his door and then slowly opened it. His room was in darkness, so I knew he was in bed asleep.
‘Night, love,’ I whispered.
‘Night, Mum,’ came his muffled, sleepy reply.
I closed his door and went downstairs. Thankfully, Adrian had taken the last of his GCSE examinations that day, so I no longer had the added worry that Joss’s rages might be disturbing his studies. Downstairs I settled Toscha in her bed for the night and then locked up. By the time I climbed into bed it was nearly midnight and I was exhausted. Despite my concerns about Joss and the impact her behaviour was having on the rest of the family, I soon fell asleep. Joss must have been exhausted too, for she slept through without a nightmare and I had to wake her in the morning.
‘A new day, a fresh start’ is my motto, but there was an atmosphere at breakfast between the girls. No one was usually very talkative at breakfast anyway, but this morning there was a frosty silence, broken only by the sound of cutlery on china. When Joss stood to take her empty cereal bowl into the kitchen she caught the table and it jolted against Lucy, who was sitting opposite. Possibly it was an accident, although Lucy clearly didn’t think so.
‘It’s not clever,’ she hissed at Joss.
‘Touchy!’ Joss retaliated with a sneer.
I motioned for Lucy not to say anything further, and Joss put her bowl in the sink and then went upstairs to get ready.
‘Sorry,’ Lucy said after she’d left the room.
I nodded and let it go. Joss had provoked Lucy – intentionally or by accident – and Lucy had retaliated instead of ignoring it. She’d apologized, so that was the end of the matter.
When Joss was ready I saw her off at the door, reminding her to come straight home, as we had to be at her parents’ house at five o’clock.
‘Mum’s house,’ she corrected. ‘It’s not his.’
‘OK. See you later,’ I said.
Adrian, Lucy and Paula left soon after. Although Adrian had taken his exams, he was still expected to attend school until the end of the summer term, in six weeks’ time. Jill telephoned mid-morning and, having asked how we all were, she said she’d raised concerns about the behaviour contract with Amelia. She’d pointed out that it was too lax to be of any use, but Amelia had said she felt that if the rules were any stricter Joss would rebel against it and not cooperate at all.
‘She’s barely cooperating now,’ I said. ‘I hope Amelia appreciates that while Joss is out of the house I cannot be held responsible for her safety or what trouble she might get into.’
‘I made that clear,’ Jill said. ‘Sadly, Amelia thinks a secure unit might be the only option for Joss in the end. You can only do your best.’
Chapter Five
Because there were so few opportunities to praise Joss, I tended to go over the top when one arose. So on Wednesday afternoon, when she came home straight from school as I’d asked, I was very effusive in my praise and told her she’d earned back one pound of her pocket money. This led to Lucy taking me to one side and remarking a little sarcastically, ‘What’s the occasion? Have I missed something here? I thought I came home on time every day.’
‘I know you do, love,’ I said. ‘I’d assumed you knew how grateful I was that I don’t have to worry about you, or Adrian and Paula, as I’m having to do with Joss. It’s very stressful.’
Lucy looked suitably embarrassed and went quietly into the garden to join Paula, who was sitting on the bench in the shade of the tree. Adrian had stayed behind at school with some of his friends to use the gym. I’d made quiche for our evening meal, which we could heat up quickly later when I returned from taking Joss to collect her sound system from home. I told the girls that if they and Adrian were hungry they could eat before I got back, and do some new potatoes and peas to go with the quiche.
Once Joss had changed out of her school uniform, I said goodbye to the girls, and Joss and I got into the car. She was wearing a very short skirt and a tiny little T-shirt that didn’t cover her middle. While this was just about acceptable for a hot afternoon and riding in the car, it wouldn’t have been acceptable for going out in the evening with her friends and using public transport. The way Joss dressed was something else I needed to advise her on one day, but not yet. There were other, more pressing matters to address first; for example, her drinking and drug-taking.
Joss hadn’t said hello or goodbye to Lucy and Paula, and as I drove she kept her earphones in so she didn’t have to talk or listen to me. She didn’t remove them until I pulled onto the estate where she lived – as I slowed the car, uncertain of where her house was, she finally took them out and gave me directions. The small, well-maintained estate had been built about fifteen years before, and was a mixture of social and private housing. Joss’s house was semi-detached in a street of similar houses, each with an integral garage and a neat, open-plan front garden.
‘Perfect timing,’ I said as I parked by the kerb and cut the engine. ‘It’s exactly five o’clock.’
‘Sod it, I’ve forgotten my front-door key,’ Joss said. ‘I’ve left it in my school bag.’
‘Your mother will be in, won’t she?’
‘Yeah, I guess,’ Joss said.
We got out and I followed her up the short path to the front door. ‘Will your stepfather be in too?’