He’s welcome.
[Sings]
To shallow rivers, to whose falls —
Heaven prosper the right! — What weapons is he?
SIMPLE
No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
EVANS
Pray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. [Reads in a book.]
[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.]
SHALLOW
How now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER
[Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE
‘Save you, good Sir Hugh!
EVANS
Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW
What, the sword and the word! Do you study them both, Master Parson?
PAGE
And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day!
EVANS
There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE
We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson.
EVANS
Fery well; what is it?
PAGE
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
SHALLOW
I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
EVANS
What is he?
PAGE
I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
EVANS
Got’s will and His passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE
Why?
EVANS
He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates and Galen, — and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE
I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
SLENDER
[Aside] O, sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW
It appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius.
[Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY.]
PAGE
Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW
So do you, good Master Doctor.
HOST
Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English.
CAIUS
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear: verefore will you not meet-a me?
EVANS
[Aside to CAIUS] Pray you use your patience; in good time.
CAIUS
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
EVANS
[Aside to CAIUS] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
[Aloud] I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments.
CAIUS
Diable! — Jack Rugby, — mine Host de Jarretiere, — have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
EVANS
As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
HOST
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaullia; French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!
CAIUS
Ay, dat is very good; excellent!
HOST
Peace, I say! Hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so; — give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW
Trust me, a mad host! — Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER
[Aside] O, sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and HOST.]
CAIUS
Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
EVANS
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
CAIUS
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
EVANS
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II. A street in Windsor
[Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN.]
MRS. PAGE
Nay, keep your way, little gallant: you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?
ROBIN
I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf.
MRS. PAGE
O! you are a flattering boy: now I see you’ll be a courtier.
[Enter FORD.]
FORD
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
MRS. PAGE
Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
FORD
Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.
MRS. PAGE
Be sure of that — two other husbands.
FORD
Where had you this pretty weathercock?
MRS. PAGE
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?
ROBIN
Sir John Falstaff.
FORD
Sir John Falstaff!