QUICKLY
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman; and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.
QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir, — I pray, come a little nearer this ways: — I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius.
FALSTAFF
Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say, —
QUICKLY
Your worship says very true; — I pray your worship come a little nearer this ways.
FALSTAFF
I warrant thee nobody hears — mine own people, mine own people.
QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them, and make them His servants!
FALSTAFF
Well: Mistress Ford, what of her?
QUICKLY
Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord, Lord! your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray.
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford —
QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long of it. You have brought her into such a canaries as ‘tis wonderful: the best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary; yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, — all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.
FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.
QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven?
QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he’s a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.
FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her.
QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; and let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other; and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la! yes, in truth.
FALSTAFF
Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for ‘t!
FALSTAFF
But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?
QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! They have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy.
FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
QUICKLY
Nay, but do so then; and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nayword, that you may know one another’s mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for ‘tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
FALSTAFF
Fare thee well; commend me to them both. There’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. —
[Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN.]
This news distracts me.
PISTOL
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers;
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
[Exit PISTOL.]
FALSTAFF
Say’st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say ‘tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.
[Enter BARDOLPH, with a cup of sack.]
BARDOLPH
Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain speak with you and be acquainted with you: and hath sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.
FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
BARDOLPH
Ay, sir.
FALSTAFF
Call him in.
[Exit BARDOLPH.]
Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed you? Go to; via!
[Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised.]
FORD
Bless you, sir!
FALSTAFF
And you, sir; would you speak with me?
FORD
I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you.
FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will? — Give us leave, drawer.
[Exit BARDOLPH.]
FORD
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much: my name is Brook.
FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.
FORD
Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embold’ned me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.
FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
FORD
Troth, and I have a bag of money