RUGBY
He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came.
CAIUS
By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
RUGBY
Alas, sir, I cannot fence!
CAIUS
Villany, take your rapier.
RUGBY
Forbear; here’s company.
[Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE.]
HOST
Bless thee, bully doctor!
SHALLOW
Save you, Master Doctor Caius!
PAGE
Now, good Master Doctor!
SLENDER
Give you good morrow, sir.
CAIUS
Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
HOST
To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead?
CAIUS
By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de world; he is not show his face.
HOST
Thou art a Castalion King Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!
CAIUS
I pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
SHALLOW
He is the wiser man, Master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?
PAGE
Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
SHALLOW
Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
PAGE
‘Tis true, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW
It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master Doctor.
HOST
Pardon, guest-justice. — A word, Monsieur Mockwater.
CAIUS
Mockvater! Vat is dat?
HOST
Mockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
CAIUS
By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman. — Scurvy jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears.
HOST
He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
CAIUS
Clapper-de-claw! Vat is dat?
HOST
That is, he will make thee amends.
CAIUS
By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
HOST
And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.
CAIUS
Me tank you for dat.
HOST
And, moreover, bully — but first: Master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them]
PAGE
Sir Hugh is there, is he?
HOST
He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
SHALLOW
We will do it.
PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
Adieu, good Master Doctor.
[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.]
CAIUS
By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
HOST
Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim! Said I well?
CAIUS
By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
HOST
For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page: said I well?
CAIUS
By gar, ‘tis good; vell said.
HOST
Let us wag, then.
CAIUS
Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
[Exeunt.]
ACT III
SCENE I. A field near Frogmore
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.]
EVANS
I pray you now, good Master Slender’s servingman, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLE
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
EVANS
I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
SIMPLE
I will, Sir.
[Exit SIMPLE.]
EVANS
Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ‘ork: pless my soul!
[Sings]
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow —
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
[Sings]
Melodious birds sing madrigals, —
Whenas I sat in Pabylon, —
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow, —
[Re-enter SIMPLE.]
SIMPLE
Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.