In San Diego, though, the drinking got worse. He got a couple DUIs and found meth was everywhere, something we hadn’t even heard of until we moved there and everyone in our apartment complex did it or sold it.
Eventually my husband became a daily victim of it. Something I didn’t like at all. He was rarely home after work, he started losing a lot of work and eventually lost his job. I didn’t suspect cheating, although I’m not sure, but at that point, I really didn’t care.
One weekend, I decided to drive to Phoenix to visit some friends. He didn’t have a problem with it, and I don’t think I knew at then it would be the end of our marriage. After a week of being there, it was only supposed to be a few days, he called to ask me when I was coming home, and the most difficult thing I ever had to do was tell him I wasn’t.
He wasn’t the type to show emotion and he didn’t beg me to come back, but to this day I wish he had, and I probably would have gone back, even though I didn’t want to at the time.
I do believe, though, if I would have told him we needed to move again to save our marriage, I was positive he would have agreed, especially because it was so easy for him to relocate wherever there was an opening. But at that point, I just wanted a different life that ended up being a huge mistake and over twenty-five years of a really out-control lifestyle which consisted of a lot of criminal activity, alcohol and drug abuse, a life which now I believe that Satan got ahold of me. Besides the adultery that was really the only major sin I had committed until then, I had ended up committing very single sin against God except murder and was defiantly not going to be allowed in the kingdom of heaven.
I turned to a life of deceit, stealing, backstabbing, abuse in which I was the abuser, lying, scheming, and eventually prostitution. I had four more marriages and divorces. You name it, I probably did it.
Chapter 11
The beginning of it all, I met a guy in Phoenix after I left my husband, and we moved back to San Diego where I secured a job for a scandalous disbarred lawyer, managing an apartment complex for free rent.
One day, a man came in to rent an apartment and left me a huge deposit along with first and last rent. I don’t remember the amount, but it was enough to move back home again and start a new life.
So that night when I closed the office, I took the money, and immediately, the new guy and I flew back to my hometown and got an apartment and a job at a local brewery.
The relationship didn’t last long, eight months I believe, and he ended up leaving me and moving in with a friend and moving a girl from Arizona back with him.
I had run into them at a concert and attacked the girl. Seeing red, I pummeled her, I didn’t do any real damage that required a hospital stay, but to say the least, her face was messed up pretty bad for a while, and the guy would not let her press charges. I think he enjoyed seeing me fight over him as he didn’t even try to stop the fight.
After that ended, I ended up sleeping around a lot, going to parties every weekend, and ending up in the bathroom with some strange guy. There was one who I eventually dated shortly, and he ended up moving home to Michigan with his parents.
He asked me to come. I deserted the apartment I lived in and found a ride at a truck stop all the way there. His parents were not expecting me and were not happy and, within a few weeks, sent me home on a greyhound.
For a while after I led a normal life, I secured two jobs, one of which I worked with developmentally disabled adults, they were like little kids. A lot were with down syndrome; I absolutely loved it and found it very rewarding and moved into an apartment that my mother cosigned.
I was very responsible then for a while but didn’t last long when a friend of mine came to visit me from San Diego, and I broke the lease leaving my mom with the remainder of the lease. I also had rent a center furniture that I sold to get the money to move. And it ended up not being the last time.
Chapter 12
My friend knew a guy who lived in the same area as I did with my husband who no longer lived there. He had found a new girl and moved to Tucson.
I had the intention of finding a job working with DDA kids I loved and actually left the one in my hometown on good terms. I had a good reference, but it didn’t work out. I couldn’t find one so decided to go back to bartending.
I had gotten an apartment with her friend who turned out to be like a brother to me. I couldn’t find a bartending job either then saw an ad that was hiring waitresses at a nearby strip club. I went to apply and was informed that they no longer had openings for waitresses but that they could hire me to be an exotic dancer.
At first, I said no way, not because I thought anything was wrong with it. I admired the girls who did and enjoyed watching them but just didn’t think was good-looking enough and could never dance like they did.
The owner offered me free drinks to sit and watch and think about it, and I wasn’t one to turn down free booze. Then the girls started coming up to me and telling me how good the money was and how pretty they thought I was and if I wanted to audition, they would let me borrow an outfit to go on stage.
I still refused but continued to drink for free and eventually lost my inhibition. “I’m positive” was the owner’s intention and agreed to do it.
The hardest part was walking up to the stage and thought for sure I would lose my nerve to take off my top, but once the music started, my shyness disappeared. I felt like a completely different person and really got into it and walked off the stage with a hundred dollars in tips. I couldn’t believe it and was hooked.
Even though I was already thin, I soon started doing the very thing that led me from leaving my husband. The girls at work would offer it to me in the dressing room, and I soon found out everyone there did it including the managers. They called it the Pacers Diet, the name of the club.
I had always had an attraction for women. Actually, my first sexual experience was with a girl when I was twelve, she was sixteen. That was the only time until I started dancing. I was actually shocked to find out how many girls were either bi or gay at the club. I just assumed they loved men because of dancing. That was not my case; I was in it for the money. But there were a couple of men I went home with that I found very attractive, young long-haired musicians. But later, I understood why they hated men actually and thought of them as complete pigs, as most were married and would sneak off behind their wives backs and spend their money on girls and were actually stupid enough to believe we liked doing it for them, that we got turned on it, made it that much easier to hustle them and make them believe we were into them.
I became good friends with many of the girls and was surprised when I was first approached by this absolutely beautiful mulatto girl to come home with her and party and hook up.
I was so nervous and didn’t actually know what to do. It had been so long ago, and even then, being a virgin and only twelve, I didn’t know. She actually did most of the playing. I so enjoyed making out with her, her lips so soft unlike a man’s. It was very intense, and I was thrilled, especially since I really didn’t think I was very attractive and had this really hot girl wanting me. I was defiantly out of her league. I always thought that I would not be attracted to me at all, so I didn’t see what they saw in me.
Throughout my life after that, I had been with a lot of women, maybe more than men, and they all were so beautiful, more attractive than any man I was with.
Chapter 13
I became best friends with a waitress there, and she was the prettiest girl I had ever met. We never hooked up. She was strictly all into men. Although I fantasized about her a lot, she never knew, and I don’t even think she knew that I had even been with girls. I never ever came on to them, they always pursued me.
She lived with this Middle Eastern guy who was loaded and was a major drug dealer. Selling kilos of coke, none of the small stuff which was why he probably