He gave us each an eight ball for Christmas, and it was the first time I ever freebased. I didn’t think I’d like it since I didn’t like smoking marijuana. But this was a completely different and very dangerous addicting high.
It was incredible. The worst part is you always wanted more. The comedown was brutal and would do almost anything to get more. Fortunately, I was able to control myself. I had seen people beg borrow and steal just to get more.
One time, years later when I was with my second husband, we went to his friend’s house to get high, and his apartment was completely empty. I found out he had sold everything he owned to get high.
I made enough money to afford it and never ever lost anything to it. I never spent my rent money or traded a possession for it. The only thing I did do once in a while was spend money on it that I had saved for something else. I remember a dining table I wanted and had money put aside for it but bought coke with it instead. But I quickly made it back to buy it. Anyway, that’s a further chapter. Back to my best friend with our extreme coke habit.
We eventually met these two guys we started hanging out with a lot, one that was head over heels with my friend and never did drugs himself, but he also had a lot of money and always supplied the party favors whenever we hung out with him.
He was very respectful, though, and never tried to take advantage of her like a lot of drug dealers would do, getting girls hooked knowing they would eventually give in to their come on for more. That never happened to us. I knew I would never stoop that low. I drew the line at that. But giving myself away for free was probably way worse.
Eventually, I hooked up with his friend, and one night, I went there to see him; he was the other guy’s roommate. He wasn’t home, so his roommate, the one that supplied us and was in love with my friend, let me in to wait for him in his bedroom and fell asleep in his bed.
When he returned, he had no idea I was there and came home with another girl. We were both shocked because we had no idea about each other, so we couldn’t get mad at each other but instead hooked up with each other. Then on New Year’s Eve, we took off together. I had just enough gas to get us to Phoenix, where I still had friends who let us stay for a while. We immediately found a job stripping at a club downtown called the Alaskan Bush Company.
Chapter 14
We told everyone we were sisters, it really helped our money. The guys were really turned on at sisters dancing together, and we would do a lot of double lap dances. Within just a few days, we had enough to get our own place.
We found a really nice townhome in a great area but didn’t, of course, have furniture; hence, the second time around, we rent a center.
Eventually, we ended up doing what I was warned about when I first started dancing: that we would get greedy and eventually move up to doing bachelor parties and prostitution.
At first, it was a few guys that paid us to come to their hotel room. We knew they expected sex, but we were pretty good hustlers and just hooked up with each other, letting them watch but not join in, but allowed them to get themselves off.
Then the bachelor parties came where we did the same thing. We hired a bouncer to collect the money, charging $500 for one hour and collecting tips for dances. Not long, we were paid by the best man to take the bachelor into the bedroom and have sex with him. That became three sins at one time: selling our bodies and basically committing adultery with the man who was to get married the next day and fornicating outside of marriage. We didn’t think about that then. Actually, none of the things I did made me realize how bad I was sinning against God until I found him years later at the age of fifty-one. I’m fifty-three now, but I ended up paying the ultimate price to be saved.
We also became groupies for a lot of famous bands. A lot of famous musicians would come into the club, give us passes to their concert, and go back to their hotel rooms after. Of course, we didn’t get paid for that, but who would expect to! They were famous, and we thought we were honored.
Mind you, at this time, we were barely in our twenties, smart beyond our years, and no excuse for being young, as I’ve noticed now that I have a relationship with God and attend church on a regular basis. There are a lot of young people that have a great relationship with Jesus. It really impresses me.
I’m sure, though, that there were always young people all my life most likely that grew up in a faith and followed the Lord. I just never knew anyone like that because of the company I kept. A pastor once said at service one Sunday, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” How true that is; nevertheless, I’m still very impressed and a bit jealous that I didn’t find Him sooner. What a great life I might have had.
About a month later, my ex-husband found me and called to tell me he was engaged to his new girl and need to come to Phoenix for me to sign divorce papers. I told him no problem and even told them they could stay the night at my place after I signed. I told them I was working that night. It was the first time he found out I was a stripper. I told him he needed to come to my work and get a key to my house as I would be working late.
Of course, the minute he walked in, I just happened to be on stage. He waited. I came to give him my house key. He didn’t say anything about what I was doing.
When I got home, we went for a drive together to talk and get some closure that I never gave him. His fiancé didn’t have a problem with it. So we went out and drove somewhere I don’t remember and sat in the car. We talked for a couple hours. We both cried; I told him how sorry I was for what I did to him. We didn’t end of sleeping together, but he told me many years later when we reunited that if I would have told him I wanted him back, he would have given her the car keys and told her to drive home. I never knew how much he loved me still. I didn’t talk to him till years later.
My friend and I, who everyone thought as sisters, began to have a relationship of sorts. But we didn’t announce it. At that time being, bisexual wasn’t something people announced nor acted on in public.
It was the first time I really got my heart broken. I was completely in love with her, then the guys we used to bring home and party with came around more often, and my friend ended up falling in love with the one she was sleeping with. Although I kind of wanted the same thing with his friend, I never pursued it; I could tell he was only interested in the sex. And soon, my friend and her lover announced she was moving to Los Angeles with the one she was with. And they actually got married before they left at city hall.
I was really heartbroken but didn’t dare show it. If it was a guy leaving me for another girl, all hell would break lose, I’m sure. I was a very jealous person, and as I’ve written about my anger and manic episodes with my husband, it didn’t change with any other relationship I was in with someone. But since our relationship was hush-hush, I didn’t want to make a scene in front of her boyfriend. I might have got angry with her, I don’t remember. We stayed friends for many years after and even went to Los Angeles a few times to visit, so I’m assuming I didn’t.
So off she went, along with the guy I was sleeping with who wasn’t interested in a relationship with me, as they were in a band together, and went to pursue the Hollywood scene.
A new chapter of my life begins once again.
Chapter 15
On my own for the first time, without a boyfriend or girlfriend, I became very vulnerable, naïve, and insecure and found myself getting involved with some shady people.
At that point, I was looking for a new roommate, and a girl I worked with but barely knew needed a place. She seemed nice enough. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, she moved in, and within a week, so did her boyfriend without my consent.
I wasn’t used to sticking up for myself, always had someone to do that for me, and always felt secure as long as I had a partner in crime so to speak.
They, of course, didn’t pay rent. I was stupid not to get money up