I don’t know why he loved me so much with my craziness, but maybe it’s because he loved my spontaneity and adventure and never knew what was going to happen next. I don’t know what his life was like before me, but I know I made it very interesting for him and a little fun. Well, it was a lot of fun when I wasn’t having a bipolar moment.
I don’t remember how long after, but sex started to become very, very painful. And I was constantly having really bad stomach cramps. We had been trying to get pregnant pretty much since day one. I wanted a baby so bad. If I was a day late on my period, he would give me $20 to go to the hospital for a pregnancy test. I had found out through a blood test they could tell within twenty-four hours of conception if you were pregnant. Every time, we would sit patiently waiting for them to call with results. The call would come. We’d both be on the phone listening and always the word was negative. And I’d cry for days.
When the symptoms of the pain started happening and weren’t going away but getting worse, we went to the doctor several times to find out what was wrong with me. They did every test known to man back then—syphilis, gonorrhea, even thought I might have a tubular pregnancy—but everything came back negative. This went on for several months until one night while he was at work, the pain got so bad I had to call my mom in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital. My tubes were so inflamed with fluid they said if they didn’t drain on their own by morning, they would have to.
I woke up in a soaked bed. Long story short, I found out I had PID (pelvic inflammatory disease), which filled my tubes with scar tissue I didn’t find out till a year later, that I had contracted it from an uncircumsized ex boyfriend I had been with before I met my first husband. He had passed it on to his current girlfriend we found out later. PID has a very long incubation period.
One night while we were making love, he popped the question. I didn’t even see it coming but was so excited I immediately jumped out of bed and ran to get a calendar. I let him pick the date. He chose February 4. And it was only four months away. I didn’t care, I was so excited. I would have married him that day, although, of course, every girl wants a wedding. I had four months to plan a wedding. I was eighteen now, so I didn’t need my parents to sign for me, although I knew they would and didn’t waste a minute planning.
First, he wanted to go to my mom and dad’s and ask for their blessing. Tears filled my eyes. I had the best man ever. We went and my dad wasn’t very sentimental and very straight to the point. After he asked my dad, he said, “You might as well, your living together.” My dad, I miss him so much.
They said they weren’t going to pay for my wedding, though, because they didn’t approve of us living together. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t throw a tantrum. We agreed we would do it ourselves. So I started looking in a sears catalogue for an inexpensive nice white dress. Of course, we couldn’t afford a real wedding dress, but I didn’t care. I just wrote out a list of what we needed and the cheapest way to do it. And my mom and dad didn’t know this at the time, but we went to my parents’ Catholic Church. Actually, it was where I went to school and told them we wanted a Catholic wedding.
Because he wasn’t Catholic, he had to take classes to convert, and he had no problem doing that for me. The second, I don’t want to use the word, demand, but I guess requirement is a better word, was I had to move back home until the wedding. We were not allowed to live together if we wanted a Catholic wedding.
That lasted all two weeks only because I couldn’t stand not being with him, waking up with him. My parents would let him come over on his work nights off, and he was allowed to stay over but sleep on the couch. I just couldn’t do it and moved back in with him and started looking for nondenominational churches. My parents weren’t happy, but they knew by now when I made up my mind to do something, there was no changing it.
So I moved back in and continued to plan within our budget. The first thing I did was our wedding invitations that I wrote myself. I was a really good writer and loved to write poems too. But I really did come up with it on my own. “This day, I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with live with dream with, love.” It was a simple but passionate yes, but I believe passionately, and that’s exactly what we were.
My mom would call and ask me progress. I would tell her my plans, then she showed up one day and told me she was taking me wedding dress shopping. It makes me still cry now. I had the most amazing parents.
So I went out and found myself a southern bell dress and a hat with a veil. I have been married a few times since, but this was my absolute favorite wedding dress. And I made him wear a white tuxedo with a top hat and cane. I don’t know if most men would have done that, but he was amazing and made me very happy. I forgot to mention the first engagement ring he bought me at a pawnshop. I absolutely loved. It was old and dainty with a small princess-cut diamond. It wasn’t expensive, and I didn’t care about money, I absolutely loved it then lost it in a bowling ball bowling. Well, I’m embarrassed to admit: actually, I lost it twice. The bowling ball was the second time and never found it because we didn’t even realize it was gone until we got home, and of course, it was a rented ball, and we called the ally, but they never found it.
The first time I got mad for whatever reason, almost anything would set me off no matter how small or stupid. And I took it off and threw it at him across the room. He found it but didn’t tell me for a few days. He let me panic. And I did. Then after I lost it for good, he took me to the mall and let me pick out my own. Like I said, I never cared about fancy expensive things. I might have been selfish about a lot but not material things. And I wasn’t good at letting people buy me stuff. I would even get uncomfortable at Christmas opening presents. I still do, but I’m getting better. I would rather just give the gifts and not get any. As bad as I’ve been and acted and hurt people, I also have a very big heart and am very generous. Now it says in the Bible, we aren’t allowed to brag or tell people about our good doings or it doesn’t count. But I never did any of these things for praise or to look better than anyone else or brag. It’s just what makes me happy. I’m so much more comfortable giving then receiving and probably mostly because I don’t feel like I deserve it. So I picked out the least expensive set, but to me, they were the most beautiful. I had never had any one buy me something more beautiful in my life. I still would have rather had the first one. It was the most special to me. But I cherished these just as much.
So after the wedding dress, my mom asked me where we were going to have the reception. I was embarrassed to tell her we weren’t because we couldn’t afford it. We had planned to let people know that because we couldn’t provide a reception, we wouldn’t be accepting any wedding gifts. We just wanted them at the wedding was the only present we wanted.
My mom called me again the next day and said she talked with my dad and they rented the Elks Lodge out for our reception. I told her they didn’t have to do that, but she said I couldn’t have a wedding without a reception. So basically, they ended up paying for the wedding, which we were very grateful for, and it was small and beautiful. My dad even paid for an open bar. Most everyone would be there at our wedding. Well, at least my friends and my brother and his were underage, and my mom told me I couldn’t drink at my wedding.
I told her, of course, I was going to drink at my wedding and told her they weren’t going to card the bride. Where would I hide my ID in my wedding dress? I remember telling her those exact words, and she didn’t say another word. And because it was a private hall, no one was carded.
The first time my brother even gave me a hug was on my wedding day but only because he was drunk, him and all his friends, and they were all sixteen. But everyone behaved, and it was a wonderful day.
I want to mention before I go on that these were the most precious years of my life, that’s why I feel I want to include them in my book even though it’s called The Struggle Is Real. And you will see things get much crazier, and I didn’t