‘Yes, I’ll be absolutely damn sure to remember that you tried to bribe me to give you a sympathetic outcome,’ I said with force. ‘I’ve half a mind to find in the tree’s favour without even having a hearing. In fact, I should double whatever price he’s asking for his leaves.’ I moved my head and the first metre or so of my body closer to the Dragon’s face. ‘You insult me by attempting to corrupt me. Is this the way you do business in the East?’
The Dragon replaced his teacup. ‘This is the way I do business everywhere, because it’s the way business is done.’ He disappeared.
‘Asshole!’ I said, and slithered down off the throne and headed back to my sleeping quarters.
‘You should do what you said you’d do: find in the tree’s favour tomorrow,’ the stone said.
‘No, I’m going to hear this case fairly and impartially,’ I said. ‘The fact he’s tried to bribe me doesn’t change the facts of the case, and I will hear it based on the facts rather than on how much I intensely dislike the two parties involved in it.’
‘Which one do you hate more?’ the stone said.
I slid into my sleeping pit. ‘If I had a choice of which one I’d hang upside down over a scorpion pit, I’d choose both of them.’
‘Would you like me to order you a scorpion pit? I can get one about three metres across, filled with the most enormous, highly venomous scorpions you ever saw. Hours of fun for the whole family.’
‘You’re worse than they are,’ I said, and stretched out to sleep on the cushions.
CHAPTER 5
The next morning I entered the court for the final day of hearings. The guards fell to one knee and saluted me, then rose and held their swords in front of them. I nodded to Lily and Martin, slithered up the dais and onto the chair behind the desk. A demon servant took up position next to me, ready to turn the pages of the documents, saving me the embarrassment of having to turn them with my mouth.
‘First case today,’ I said, ‘the horse one; about time we had something interesting. Bring the case of Ling versus Toi.’
Ling and Toi entered the room and kneeled before me; they were both dragons in human form.
‘Up you get,’ I said, and they rose, their expressions suspicious at my informal tone. ‘I’d like to hear from your own mouth, Mr Toi, exactly what the hell you were thinking when you did this.’
Toi, a slender, elderly gentleman in a black silk robe, was the owner of the demon stallion. He bowed his head slightly to speak. ‘This was an accident, Lady Regent. The stallion concerned broke from its restraints in the middle of the night and went to Honoured Miss Ling’s residence under its own volition, probably drawn by the scent of her fine mare in heat.’
‘You had the stallion restrained?’ I said.
‘It was in a high-walled stall, but it managed to escape,’ Toi said. ‘I do not understand how such a thing could have happened, ma’am. I provide the best accommodation for my beasts. This will never happen again.’
I turned to the woman, who also wore a black silk robe, probably dressed down to show her distress. ‘Miss Ling, you claim that the mare is ruined and request compensation of ten jin of Celestial Jade. Has the mare been injured by bearing the foal and cannot bear any more for you?’
‘She has been contaminated by the demon essence of the stallion,’ Ling said, her jaw clenched with anger. ‘This foal is half-demon and an abomination. I will never be able to sell another foal from the mare, as any future foal will be tainted by the fact that the mare has been covered by a demon. The mare is worthless.’
‘I have investigated this claim — something along the lines of a Celestial urban myth — that once a female animal has been impregnated by a demon, the demonic essence remains.’ I nodded to the demon secretary and she pulled out the folder containing the DNA samples. ‘I have scientific evidence that this is not true: the mare’s future offspring will not be contaminated in any way.’
Toi gave Miss Ling a triumphant look.
‘That’s as it may be, ma’am,’ Ling said, ‘but everybody still believes it, and my mare’s foals will no longer be as prized — or as valuable — as they once were.’
‘Madam,’ Toi said, ‘please, go to the stables and view the colt. It is exceptional. I do not dispute that it is the progeny of my stallion, but I do dispute that the foal is an abomination. The mother is quite capable of bearing many more fine foals, both pure animal and half-demon.’
I checked the notes in front of me. ‘You request ownership of the colt and have offered Miss Ling two jin of jade for it. She is asking for ten, which is the value of the mare and any future progeny she would have borne.’
Miss Ling spread her arms. ‘This mare is only seven years old, she had many more years of fruitfulness in her. This is a tragedy.’
‘If he paid the ten jin, would you give him the mare and the foal?’ I asked Miss Ling.
She nodded, sober. ‘That I would, ma’am.’
‘I would like to see this mare again and view the colt.’ I called towards the back of the courtroom: ‘Hey, Lily, do we have time this afternoon? What else do I have on?’
‘Only one more, scheduled for 2 pm, ma’am,’ Lily called back, to the shock and amusement of those present. ‘The closed hearing.’
‘Only one more? That’s a relief.’ I slithered down off my chair. ‘Get the demon driver to bring the car around, I want to have a look at these horses.’ I nodded to Lily. ‘Arrange the usual witness and note-taking rigmarole, will you?’
‘Sure thing, ma’am,’ Lily said, and went out to organise the details.
I saw Toi and Ling share a lightning-fast look and realised this whole thing was a setup. I stopped, nearly changing my mind about seeing the horses — but what the hell. Foals were cute. I raised my snout to them. ‘Want to come in my car?’
They bowed, formal again, and agreed. I sat in the front next to the driver, and Toi and Ling sat side by side in the back.
These two ever been an item? I asked the stone.
If the stone could sigh, it would have. Emma, with people who live this long, I think everybody’s been an item with everybody else at some stage. These are both dragons, and not related to each other; he’s spawn of Qing Long and she’s one of the daughters of the Dragon King. Of course they’ve ‘done it’.
I turned my head to see them. ‘I think I should just cut to the chase here. Do you want to give the foal to me or to Simone?’
Ling opened and closed her mouth a few times, then glanced at Toi, speechless.
‘I have no idea what you are talking about, ma’am,’ Toi said.
I rested my chin on the top of the car seat. ‘You two want to dispel this myth about demon essence ruining animals. You arranged for the stallion to “escape” and impregnate the mare. I’ve heard how fine this mare is, Miss Ling; the White Tiger has been trying to arrange for his own stallions to cover her — he’s jealous as all hell about her. You’re taking me to look at her so I fall in love with the foal and want to take him as my own — or as Simone’s private riding horse. If I take the foal, your mare will become even more prestigious and people will be forced to overcome their prejudice about demon essence contaminating livestock if they want to buy any further foals from her. Am I correct so far?’
Toi sat back, his face full of shock. ‘I’d heard how intelligent you are, ma’am, but