As time went on, he was drinking more and more each day which was causing him to be less interested in working and was now not contributing to the household expenses at all. Here we go again!
Because of this, my Mum had to once again go and find more work to finance his habits not to mention, pay the monthly payments on his boat as well. Why was she doing this again? She didn’t even love the prick or even want to be married to him anymore?
As far as we were concerned he was just another bludger who sponged off women in general. Us kids also learned further into their marriage that he too was beating our Mum. I never knew anything of it at the time, only because, I had moved out of home and never saw him do this. Thank God I didn't because I don't think I could have coped with it all over again.
Although the beatings were not as bad as they were with Paul; it was still a beating and I despised him because of it. But because Noel wasn't as vicious as Paul, Mum had learned to stand up for herself a bit more and hit him back; literally. It wasn’t until I moved back home for a while, that Mum saw his true colours. They were having an argument this one particular night and because she was so upset, she went to the bedroom but he kept on ranting and raving like a crazy man. I had decided right at that moment I’d enough of all this bullshit in my life so I yelled at him to shut up and leave my Mum alone. Wrong! He looked at me with intent to kill and he then flew at me, grabbed me around my throat, threw me up against the wall and threatened to choke me to death if I didn't mind my own business. The strange thing was I had no fear and looked him straight in the eyes and told him he was nothing but a woman basher and to get his fucking hands off me! I don’t think he liked those comments very much because his hand got tighter around my throat. Mum must have heard the commotion and came out screaming at him to leave me alone.
Immediately he realised what he was doing and let me go and then tried to apologise but it was way too late by then because as far as my Mum and I were concerned, the damage was done! My Mum then told him that she would never ever tolerate anyone abusing her children and that he was no exception and she now once again, had no choice but to tell him to leave and to never come back. It was a quick divorce!
I don’t blame my Mum in any way for what we went through. I think because she was brought up with a physically and an emotionally abusive controlling mother; being beaten was obviously acceptable and what she was used to. Her self-worth had been destroyed by her own Moher and being with these bastards made it even worse. She probably thought she wasn’t worthy of being with anyone who could treat her with respect.
These cruel and callous people have none themselves and so no one else can have it and this is pitiful.
The one thing I admire about my Mum is that she never allowed her children (if she knew) to be abused in anyway like she was.
After being with all these bastards she took a stand and said, “No more, I deserve better than this!”
Because of this stand, her life changed after that. She preferred to stay single for years and was happy to stay this way until the man of her dreams came along. Better to stay single than being bashed!
See we can all take stands and those who make us feel worthless, I feel pity for. These people obviously have a lot of self-doubt and feel unworthy within themselves and they will always try and bring you down to their level. Don’t go there!
John
The man of her dreams
By the time I was twenty eight, my faith and trust in men had been totally destroyed. As far as I was concerned, they could never be trusted in any way, shape or form but for one I hadn’t yet met. He would be the one who would change all that, especially where my Mum was concerned.
At the time and prior to meeting this person, I was so happy for my Mum that she was now doing what she wanted and when she wanted.
She even started going to a social dance club and loved it and for once in her life, she was so excited to be involved with something out of the ordinary, for her anyway. It was great to see her finally stepping out of her comfort zone and have some enjoyment in her life. Even when us kids would go and visit her, she would tell us about all the new people she had met but there was one particular. Yes a man! He had turned up one night and sat opposite her at the group table she was sitting at. Straight away the questions were flying out of our mouths! Yes we were nosy but hey, we wanted and needed to know about this person. We were now older and didn’t need or want another prick in our Mum’s life, or ours for that matter! She told us his name was John and that he seemed to be very pleasant. More details please Mum! He was little taller than her with a slim physique, short fair hair and pretty good looking. He was also very witty and exactly what she was looking for in a partner but then she told us he had separated but still living with his partner and was probably not ready or looking for another woman just yet so she had to be realistic and give up any chance. Until:
The next time she went to the dance he was there again and once again, he sat opposite her at the group table.
John then got up from the table and went around to where my Mum was sitting and asked her for a dance. What the hell? Maybe he did like my Mum after all. Only time would tell I suppose.
Mum looked at him a bit dumbfounded and didn’t know what to say at first but then said, “That would be lovely.” He then grabbed her hand and led her toward the dance floor. When they started dancing she became shy and nervous and he could see this and laughed, which put her at ease.
While they were dancing, everyone’s eye’s was watching them as they swept the floor with their graceful elegance. When they finally sat down, people were coming up to their table and telling them how beautifully they danced together.
Was this the first sign that they belonged together?
Once people stopped coming up to their table they started talking but Mum needed a drink to relax because she was still so nervous. After it had hit the spot she couldn’t help but ask about his partner he had just split with. “Wow, news travels fast,” he said. He told her they had separated because she didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere and he had become bored with her and the relationship.
Next thing we knew, Mum had invited us kids to come to our family home to meet John.
What a little devil my Mum was. Alrighty!
One by one we turned up and met him and he was just so different to the men Mum had been with in the past. He didn’t look at all like an arsehole which was a good sign. In fact, he was an absolute gentleman, easy going and very witty so he was moulding in rather well.
Eventually Mum and John started seeing each other on a regular basis and Mum was so happy but two weeks later it all changed.
I rocked up to see Mum and when I walked in the front door she broke down straight away. Why? What was wrong?
Immediately I went up to her, put my arms around her and I asked her what was wrong. She told me John had decided to go back to his partner and try with her again. I had to let my Mum go as my blood started to boil and by now I was furious! I knew this was hurting my Mum and I didn’t like it one bit. I looked at her and the profanities’ that were coming out of my mouth were not nice. “How dare he do this to you: are you not good enough for him?”
Mum didn’t like me being upset and told me to calm down so she could tell me the reason