I think about you all the time and even talk to you, hoping you’re there somewhere, regardless. I can’t help it; I just miss and love you so very much.
I have faith you are in peace with God now.
My Older Sister
My older sister who is four years older than I, stands around 5’5, nice solid figure with black hair that sits just passed her shoulders and has very beautiful dark brown eyes. She is a very caring family orientated person with a strong personality just like my brother and I. At times she can be very witty and has made me laugh at the drop of a hat. I remember one particular Christmas at her place; I told her that if a fly drowns, they can be brought back to life by covering them in salt. Not sure how and why they do but they do. My guess is, the salt draws the fluid from them and off they go again. Well I needed to show her, so off I went outside to the spa and I found a dead fly that had drowned. I picked it up, took it inside and put it on the counter and then doused it in salt. Bugger me dead, within a minute the thing started moving. I could see her looking at it and then it started flying around. I felt pretty cool about this but then she hit it with a swat, looked at me and said, “Now it’s dead!” I nearly peed myself laughing!
My sister has a fair bit of wisdom and if one needed advice, you could always count on her for it. There is one thing I don’t like very much about her, my brother and even myself at times and that is, we all have rather controlling natures but I put this down to our lack of control and hurt in our past, although personally, I have found myself these days, being more compassionate, listening more and letting people be who they want to be.
My sister has definitely had her ups and downs, especially when in 1980; she lost her twenty one year old partner of five years to a motor cycle accident. That night he was killed, it was almost as if the life had been sucked out of her. Her fun side had seemed to have been replaced with a certain sadness and I felt like I had lost my sister that night and I still to this day, feel this way. She eventually married and still is somewhat thirty years plus now. Together they have four children that being two girls and two boys. I used to be close with all of them but not now and I am not afraid to say the truth and tell it how it is. I have been told by one of them, I am not an Aunties boot lace but still they held their hands out every year at Christmas.
I’m not sure how many thousands of dollars I spent over the years on presents and even helped put food in their mouths in the past when times were tough. Some people have very short memories I’m afraid and this is very unfair to say this about me.
The one thing that really hurt me is when my niece got married, I was not invited but my ex-girlfriend of fourteen years was. This to me is deliberate and hurtful not to mention bitchy!
Even through all the shit that’s gone on in the past, we are all back on speaking terms. It was even nice to spend last Christmas together which was the first in years. This made my Mum happy seeing at least half her family together but it ends there I’m afraid. To not be invited to a Mother’s day family outing this year is very hurtful and I don’t understand why. My brother was also not invited and one wonders why the whole family is at war with each other. My personal opinion is my sister is jealous of my brother and I because of the time we spend with our Mum, so not inviting us meant she had Mum all to herself.
I also remember when I was sick and I just got out of hospital, my sister told me she would come and have a coffee soon at my place. I waited seven years and it still never happened. I have been in my new house now for three and a half years and not one visit from any of them.
How can I be an aunt or a close family member to any of them when I seem to be the only one who makes an effort to contact them but it’s never reciprocated? Works both ways!You may think I'm angry about all this but I'm really not; I'm hurt more so than anything. There is no point in approaching how I feel either because no one listens and it always ends up in world war three, so waste of time.
I don’t deny, I have done wrong in the past but don’t give me a life sentence for it. We can only learn from our past behaviour and move on.
My Younger Sister
My sister Amy is nine years younger than I. She stands around, 173 cm, with dark shoulder length hair, brown eyes with a pretty porcelain skinned face. She looks different to us though only because she doesn’t have the same father. She is the result of the relationship my mother had with George (Lofty). Even so we have always treated her as if she is our full sister. When we were young, she and I were very close until I met this bitch I had a relationship with. It changed the whole dynamics of our relationship which is very sad. Today, she is married with three children who are all girls but I am only close to one now. Her entire family are devout Christians but have gone ridiculous and over the top with it and personally I think my sister has lost her grip on reality and is missing out on so many things life has to offer, because of this. She used to be so much fun to be with but not these days, the last I heard. She has withdrawn herself from the family she grew up with and has nothing but judgemental things to say about all of us. We are all sinners and hypocrites in their eyes. I know deep down they don’t accept me for who I am or my life style preference. If they did, they would contact me but I haven’t heard from them for almost two years now and that was only to ask me if I could lend them some money but because I couldn’t. You work the rest out.
They too have very short memories. Whenever they had needed a place to stay or food on the table, I was always there for them too.
My Cousin Brian
Brian is one of my cousins and he lived with us for a big part of his life so we virtually grew up together and I could proudly say we were once close, but not now. He is a couple of years older than me and stands around 5’11 with a solid physique and an olive complexion, hazel coloured eyes and short brown hair. He is married with three children but I don’t see him or his family at all anymore because of the way he has treated me. Brian has always been a complex person with having old fashion values, where women are concerned. Even though we don’t talk, a leopard never changes its spots and I know his definitely won’t. You can’t change someone who has a strong, opinionated and boisterous personality. These traits of his never made it easy for one to be around him, especially if you were having a dispute over something. You could never win because he just overpowered and bullied you with his loud obnoxious voice and calling you for everything and it would then turn into a nasty situation. At the end of the day, people couldn’t say what they felt because he was too busy yelling to listen to you. It wasn’t worth putting yourself through the torment of it all so you would just tell him to get fucked, get in your car and drive away. Even my immediate family reckons he is a bully but none of them would tell him this of course. I actually feel pity and sadness for him not being able to let go of the past which has caused so much anger in him. It must be a terrible feeling, living life that way.
I have had two major disputes with Brian over the years and both resulting in violence. I want to tell you about these incidents as I think it had a significant part to play in my feelings toward men and maybe helped toward my choice of destiny a bit easier.
The first incident was when I was just twelve years old. I went with him and his girlfriend at the time, my older sister and a few of their friends to an island called Rottnest: just twelve kilometres off the coast of Perth, Western Australia. It all started when we were sitting around on the lawn and for some reason out of the blue, my older sister called Brian’s girlfriend a slut. He just looked at her in disbelief and told her to shut her mouth and she knew that if she didn’t, he would get angry so she never said it again but me, I couldn’t help myself and just to piss him off even more I said, “Well she is a slut.” He then told me to shut up but again I couldn’t help myself and I continued with the name calling. By this time I could tell he was getting really angry but for some reason, I persisted. Wrong thing to do, because he then got up and started yelling over the top of me as I sat there looking up at him, but I didn’t back down. I thought, “Who the hell do you think you are?” I wasn’t putting up with his shit so I went to stand up to mouth back at him but before I could, he was already out of control and pushed