The only way we can do this work is by being fully present in every interaction. It is so easy to get bogged down in the past(accomplishment, shame, and regret) or to live in the future(worry, fear, and anxiety). But the past and future exist only in our thoughts. All that really exists is right here, right now—this moment.
So this moment is where we must practice. ”Here I am, in the presence of this person(or people). God loves this person completely. How can I get out of the way and let God express Himself?”
It is so easy to go through our days numb and blind: to just give the cashier our money without looking her in the eye or talking to her, to kiss our spouse goodbye and go on about our day, to check our e-mails while listening to a friend on the phone. Our bodies are in one place but our minds are somewhere else. We are going through the motions.
Technology has only made things worse. All of our gadgets and 24/7 connection to information and entertainment pull us in multiple directions. While we are more “connected” than ever, people feel less connected and more alienated than ever. How many times have you been eating out and seen a couple with one person talking on their cell phone or furiously texting away? How many of us talk on the phone and drive? Technology is not bad in and of itself but when we don’t pay attention to how we use it, it can serve as a wedge to keep us from being present. Technology seems to make us think that we can multi-task well but research has shown that we can’t. God designed our brains to do one thing well at a time.
(“Is Multitasking Bad for Us?” [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/is-multi- tasking-bad.html] by Brandon Keim, Nova Magazine, Oct 4, 2012);
It’s amazing how much we’ve become used to the idea that we can multitask. For a day(or an hour!) challenge yourself—try doing one thing at a time. Try being fully present to the task at hand and, most importantly, to the people with whom you are interacting. We need to take inventory of anything that is distracting us from being present and make a plan to reduce or eliminate those distractions.
How Are We Doing? Awareness is the first step, practice is the second, and evaluation and improvement is the third. God gives us great guidelines to figure out how we are doing. While the Bible is full of guidelines on how to be in authentic relationship, two come to mind.
The first is Galations 5:22: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
In our daily conversations with God, we can ask Him, “So, how am I doing on this?” and “Show me how I can improve.” Chances are, if you pray for God to help you with love, joy, etc., he’ll provide plenty of chances to practice. God is great that way.
The second verse that helps us determine how we are doing at being in authentic relationship is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Since our purpose here is to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves, this verse a great self-evaluation tool and easy to apply every day.
Was I patient? Was I kind?
When I spoke to my friend was I envious or boastful?
Did my pride get in the way?
In what ways was I rude or self-seeking today?
Did I lose my temper?
Am I being forgiving or am I holding grudges?
Was I honest in all my interactions? Did I secretly feel good about someone else’s failure?
How did I show that I am protecting and trusting with everyone I spoke to today?
Did I hold back my own secrets in order to look good?
Love never fails. No matter what your answers are to any of these questions, if you focus on your purpose, love, you can’t fail!
The answers to the questions above tell us how we can learn and grow and it is not done by trying harder. It’s done by trying less and letting God do the heavy lifting. We just need to get out of His way and he’ll shape us and the other person. Every interaction will be imperfect since we are imperfect beings. It’s not a matter of our “doing it right.” Any effort we make in being fully present and letting the Lord work through us is good effort.
Now What?
You may be overwhelmed at this point. “I certainly can’t live up to these standards and I don’t know anyone who can.” Answer: God can. He has designed us to love Him and others by His love, his faith, his strength and his faithfulness. Our faith isn’t even the size of a mustard seed or we’d be moving mountains! God’s faith, on the other hand, is great.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Josh 1:9
”No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor 10:13 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:5-7
That’s it. You’ve begun by taking the first step on your journey. You didn’t choose to begin? Nope. God chose for you to first be aware and then to begin your new journey. Today you can interact with God and you can most certainly interact with others. You know the answer. What you choose to do with it is up to you.
Chapter 4: It’s Not About You
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
The notion that our purpose is love and that we need to be loving in every interaction, every day can seem daunting. God gave us free will. In the beginning we exercised that will by eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The moment we did that we created a separation between ourselves and God and between ourselves and each other. Knowing became a separate action from being. In other words, we don’t always do what we know is right.
We know how we should eat to be healthy but our actions don’t always reflect that. We know how we need to manage our finances or that we should be taking care of the less fortunate but our knowing isn’t always reflected in our actions. We have a choice.
We can choose to practice being in God’s presence and getting out of His way so that he can use us fully. When we practice this in every interaction we have, then everyone we meet can experience God’s love. How awesome is that? Even better, while we can practice, we never will be nor do we need to be perfect at it! God will make it into perfection. How great is it to know that we can take on a new way of being in the world and we cannot fail? Though we shouldn’t fear failure, it is also true that we cannot do this alone.
“But I’m good with people.” You cannot do this alone.
“But