Harry and Larry were twin brothers. It was difficult for anyone to tell them apart; even their parents had trouble when they were born, and so their mother never dressed them alike. As they matured, like many twins, they took advantage of switching places and confusing people. But as much as they were alike, their fundamental definitions of success were completely different. Harry believed that his Harvard degree, seven-thousand-square-foot home with an indoor pool in a gated community, and Mercedes S-550 marked the epitome of success. Larry, on the other hand, felt that he was just as successful with his community college degree, 1,800-square-foot duplex, and five-year-old Buick. Is Harry more successful than Larry because of his material possessions? No. Larry was just as successful as Harry was because his definition of success included graduating from college with a degree, living in a small cozy house, and having no car payments or student loans bills. He accomplished his goals and reached the level he set of success.
There are certain things that some people may consider successful: finishing college, owning a home, starting a business, landing a star role in a movie/play, etc. However, what’s important is what your version of success looks like. What does success look like for you? It is imperative that you clearly, and with as much detail as possible, define your vision of personal success. Is it having a five-bedroom home with a pool, driving a luxury vehicle, and working as an executive? Or, does your vision include owning a minivan and a three-bedroom home with a front yard? As you contemplate that question, avoid thinking about what others have accomplished or achieved. Make sure that your definition of success is about you. If you look around at other people and their so-called successes, inevitably you will begin to feel like an underachiever. There will always be someone who has more money and more ideas, and who has accomplished more goals than you. So just focus on you and the things you want.
Think about how you would define success. In your Amazing Life notebook, write your definition of success. It may help if you first complete these sentences.
I will be successful when I have …
I will be successful when I am …
I will be successful because I am not …
I will be successful because I finished …
Now that you know what success means to you, remember to measure yourself by this standard of success, not someone else’s definition of success. I started my career as an educator teaching third and fourth grade. I worked in an urban school district in Oklahoma City. I had been teaching for only two years when I was tested in this philosophy. I was an innovative and vivacious teacher, and constantly worked hard to improve my skills. After attending teacher training classes given by Marva Collins, a national educator, I implemented the strategies learned at her school and had my students learning college vocabulary and Shakespeare in the fourth grade. Word got out in the district and one of the principals brought his teachers to my class to observe my classroom techniques. That afternoon, my principal called me into her office. I thought that she would be proud to have a secondyear teacher who was a rising star. Instead of supporting me, she said, “Mrs. Gladney, you are good, but you are not the best, so don’t get a big head.” I paused for only a second and then replied, “I am the best, because I don’t measure myself by anyone’s standards but my own.” You see, I already had defined what success meant to me. My students loved school, they loved learning, and they were above grade level, and I loved teaching. To me, that was the epitome of success.
Life-Gauging Questions
I would like for you to ask yourself three questions:
1 Am I happy with my life?
2 Am I reaching my potential?
3 Am I making a difference?
I refer to these three questions as life-gauging queries. Gauges on a car show measurements. For example, the gas gauge shows if your tank is full, half full, almost empty, etc. In order to have an amazing life, you want your happiness, potential, and make-adifference gauges to be on “full.” So think of these questions like checking the fluids and the air pressure in the tires before you hit the road. But, since this is your personal journey, and not a car trip, the levels should be rising rather than declining as you get closer and closer to your destination—your amazing life. Every few months pose these queries to yourself. If the answer is “no” to any question, or the level has dropped from your previous check-up, then you need to make some necessary adjustments to get yourself back on a course where you feel you are making the most of life.
Take some time now to reflect on the answers to these three questions and record your responses in your journal.
Set Your Mind on Success
If you live in a large city, you’re probably familiar with high-occupancy vehicle lanes (HOV). These HOV lanes were developed to increase average vehicle occupancy with the goal of reducing traffic congestion and air pollution. I remember moving to Dallas and being a part of the hundreds of cars that were sitting on the freeway stuck in traffic on a regular basis. Meanwhile, there was one lane—the HOV lane—where all of the cars were driving with lightning speed. They were moving toward their destination, while those of us stuck in traffic in the other lanes watched them zoom by. To use our life journey metaphor: these people were zooming by in the “success lane,” and that was enabling them to get to their destination on time. They also exercised the foresight to get in the lane in the first place by making sure they had the minimum number of passengers required and keeping alert for the limited number of entrances into the lane. They were also aware of exactly where to exit. (I have seen people try to jump into the lane at the last minute, but it’s dangerous and comes with a hefty fine.) The HOV lane is for people who know where they’re going and want to get there quickly. Does that sound like you? Are you prepared for success?
In order to be successful in your life, you have to make the decision to be successful. Decide that you want to be successful, and then act on that decision. In every area of your life that you want to make a change, you have to decide that you want to make a change. The key is in making the decision. When you commit to the decision, every fiber of your being will align itself with that decision. I’m sure you’re thinking, It can’t really be that simple or everybody would be successful. After all, you may know someone who has said they want to be successful but they’re not. But saying and doing are not the same things. It’s important, at this point in our discussion, to explain to you where success starts—it begins in your mind.
Let’s look at Chris. He had been battling with his weight since he was in elementary school. By the time he was in high school, his doctor classified him as obese. As he grew into young adulthood, his excessive weight even got in the way of attending college. As he approached thirty he begin to realize that he may never find the girl of his dreams because it was hard for people to see beyond his weight. He had tried many diets and weight-loss plans, but they were never successful for him. Finally he reached his breaking point, and decided that he was going to lose the weight no matter what it took. His mind was made up. And, because this time was the real deal, his body began to respond. Chris lost seventy pounds that year. He looks and feels great.
To help you understand this phenomenon, I want to explain to you how the body and mind work together. First, we will take a brief look at your brain. While there are many parts to your brain, we will only focus on the two that are relevant to this chapter. The most familiar and the most talked about portion of the brain is the cerebrum, which is the largest part of the brain. It’s associated with conscious thought, movement, and sensation. It consists of two halves, each controlling a side of the body. The halves are connected by the corpus callosum, which delivers messages between them. The other part that I want to emphasize is the hypothalamus, which is the master gland and is instrumental in